Monday, May 09, 2005

I know why guns are not legal here


It's one of those days. Started off by going to the grocery store and having a lady RUN OVER MY FOOT with her cart. Apparently I was in her way, and she wanted to get by me.

Hey, Cart Lady, ever hear of the phrase "Excuse me?" I know it's not often used here in Norway, but it will certainly make me move out of the way better than you crashing your cart into me. I am a fairly large obstacle and running your cart into me will just make you stop, NOT GO! And, you punk ass BITCH, I was wearing tall sandals, and so if you think you can push past me by crushing my toes with your cart wheels, well, you are about to open up a 6'2" can of major pissed off Texan whoop ass on your sorry Norwegian rude self. Really, just freaking say "Excuse me" and I will happily move aside. I promise!

AND, while I am on a roll here, hey you, little Miss Check Out Girl? Yeah, you. When you see me with 4 litres of milk, a dozen cans of various food stuffs, vegetables, bread, chicken and other assorted cold products, do you REALLY need to ask if I need a bag? And when I say yes, maybe, just by the law of averages and numbers larger than 10, you might be able to notice that I need MORE THAN ONE!? I am paying for them, after all, and yes, I do need more than one. Unless you enjoy me picking up all my broken groceries from the floor after the one stinking bag you give me breaks because it is overloaded with 15 pounds of stuff?????? YES I NEED THE FUCKING BAG!

OH, and I'm so not done yet. Now we are on to you, Miss Dirty Looks at the Plant Store Girl. Now, you were hogging the whole aisle, just standing there right in the middle of it. I was loaded down with plants, because I am trying like hell to be a good neighbor and make my yard look a little better for the big Norwegian Independence Day coming up. See, I am TRYING here. Trying to fit in with the Norwegian customs and get the yard all nice in respect for YOUR holiday. So, when I say EXCUSE ME, (and in Norwegian, mind you) maybe you could move aside for me? I know, you have never heard that phrase before, but maybe you could move your FAT ASS out of my way so that I can get by. No, instead you give me a dirty look like I am personally insulting you by walking down YOUR aisle. Well, fuck you too, because I could have, and by then would gleefully have, run a cart into your low-rise-with -the -back -fat -hanging -over-the-waist- jeaned ass, but I did not because I know how I felt when that damn lady did it to me earlier. I was trying to be NICE. But hey, fuck you too, I'll play your games, and so from now on? I just push and shove, just like you, and fuck being polite. Why bother? Really?

ANY questions? Repeat after me: "Please", "excuse me" and "thank you". That's really all I want. It's not too much to ask!!!!!!!!!

And no, I have not heard about the flat yet, except the landlord is still reading the contract. Either it's a really big contract or he is a really slow reader.

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