Friday, December 31, 2010

Leo horoscope for 2011...in which I am to learn and travel some more.

Leo-Year 2011 Overview

This is the year of expanding your mental and physical horizons, Leo. Expect loads of travel and awesome adventure in 2011, especially between March and June when a barrage of planets enter fellow fire sign, Aries, sparking your sector of foreign travel and higher education. You'll be pondering some of the deeper existential questions like the meaning of life, who you are and why you're here on a daily basis. Nothing is taken for granted, as life becomes one giant college campus dishing out one lesson after another. An overwhelming desire to see the world, experiment with new philosophies and indulge in scholarly pursuits become potent themes for the course of this dynamic New Year!

Mental pursuits of all stripe dominant your time and attention for another year as Saturn continues his residence in your communication sector. Finding your true voice becomes a spiritual practice. Expressing yourself through carefully cultivated word choice proves especially rewarding. If you've ever wanted to write a book, learn a new language, go back to school or take up some radical new course of study, 2011 is your year to take the risk and make your literary dreams come true.

Pluto continues working you to the bone in 2011 through the extended transit in your work and health sector. You're beginning to actually get accustomed to the emotional gutting as the Lord of the Underworld dredges up each and every repressed emotional issue you've ever had with authority figures. You're coming into your own power the hard way -- but this is the kind of self-possession and confidence that becomes an integral part of your being and thus can never be taken from you.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

This explains a lot

All the poo stuff has to do with "caganers". An interesting Catalan tradition, to say the least.
Read up on them via the link. Thanks to everyone who posted with links and information!

I wanted to buy one, but didn't find the ones I wanted (a pooing George Bush or an Obama, they make them to resemble current characters.) I definitely plan to go back to Barcelona, I loved it there, and will get me some Caganers next time I go. It will be a Caga Christmas!

Giant "caganer"


Multimedia message, originally uploaded by karlakp.

And here's the front. Wtf wtf wtf?????

wow


IMG-20101230-00104.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

Will someone tell me what this is about???????

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I'm sensing a poo theme here


IMG-20101229-00069.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

What is UP with the poo desserts????

Lunchtime view


IMG-20101229-00066.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

My lunchtime view. Not too shabby, ancient, old and new all in one.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Mango sauce with chocolate mousse poo


IMG-20101228-00065.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

This dessert looks like someone took a shit in it. Tasty, though.

Parc Guell


IMG-20101228-00060.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

Parc Guell. Park Cool-as-hell. Heh, see what I did there?

Monday, December 27, 2010

In which my Spanish failed me


IMG-20101227-00054.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

Dammit. I did not mean to order this. This is what I get for trying to be adventurous. These damned fish are looking at me!!!!!

The long line was totally worth it


IMG-20101227-00049.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

Wow.

In line at Sagrada Familia


IMG-20101227-00046.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

La Sagrada Familia. Very long line to get in. Being a tourist can be hard work!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

's'up?


IMG-20101226-00018.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

I take a picture and this goose sticks his head in, he's all "What up??"

Friday, December 24, 2010

Elf


IMG-20101224-00013.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

Getting all Christmassy up in here.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

mashed potato heaven


IMG-20101223-00010.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

First dish for Christmas dinner made and ready to bake on the day. The most fattening mashed potatoes ever. Nom nom.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

How cold is it?

It's so cold that:
  • This morning I got one of those cold weather, dry air nosebleeds. (I subsequently learned that a super plus tampon does not fit in my nose, only the slimmer regular size.) ANYHOO, after I managed to stop the bleeding (it were a gusher, that one) I left the apartment to head to work. The residual blood dried, then FROZE, and my nostril glued itself shut. I froze my nose closed. (Say that 3 times fast.) It was uncomfortable, to say the least. If someone could have videoed me on the bus, they would have seen some strange facial expressions. I couldn't blow my nose for fear of a re-bleed, so I just had to let it itch and feel sticky.
  • A sub zero freezer in your kitchen is redundant.
  • If the ice on the sidewalks could get any colder, it would become a new, even slipperier form of ice. Which it was.
  • My super ugly, clunky LL Bean Goretex lined winter boots are my favorite shoes, but they are starting to smell from constant use.
  • I've pulled out my old flannel lined khakis which are now my new favorite pants.
  • They are not very sexy, however.
  • It is impossible to dress cute when it's this cold.
  • It's 86 degrees F warmer in Austin. That totally freaks me out.
  • As does the fact that the heating in our apartment has to get it at last 68 degrees warmer inside than out.
  • I sneer at your air conditioners that cool to a mere 20-25 degrees cooler than outside temperatures!
  • A friend of mine got stuck in Paris en route back from Houston to Oslo. He arrived there early Sunday morning. Due to the flight chaos, he finally got back after midnight last night. He was delayed THREE DAYS.
  • I am thankful that Norway and Scandinavia in general know how to work an airport in cold weather.
  • Argh.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

cold

cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold BRRRRR cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold cold

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Lanvin for H&M


IMG-20101219-00009.jpg, originally uploaded by karlakp.

At h&m. Tons of Lanvin left. It's all very very poofy and short. Good for the really skinny petite girlies, age 15-24 with lots of money and a sense of poofy drama. (Great for below zero weather in Norway, too). (not.) All very delicate and beautiful, very French, very impractical. I don't think you wear it so much as it wears you. Probably very collectible, though.

Not good for the large sized girl I saw last night wearing it, it made her look like a colorful barrel, and that impression was not helped by the fact that at the small bar I went to, she was like a pushy bull in a china shop. If she would have knocked into me one more time without saying "Excuse me", her Lanvin would have had some bad things happen to the very delicate tulle straps that held it up.

All that being said, the 18 year old me would have LOVED this. And the 18 year old me could've worn the shit out of it, too.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

In which the Christmas cheer has escaped me

Well, hell. Christmas is NEXT WEEK (Saturday?) and you would so not be able to tell that it was that close if you saw my house.

And you probably won't be able to tell on the day, either.

They've been working on our apartment building, which, if you remember from past experience with us, means chaos and destruction. Why we end up living in places that they then tear up around us will be a mystery I can never solve. At least, this time, there will be visible results of the work, as it is a renovation of this beautiful old building and not a retrofit of a badly built new one. So far the stairs in the building are completely stripped, from floor to ceiling, including rails. The windows are out, covered in plastic. There's scaffolding on the building. The roof is being replaced. And the old chimneys are being fixed as well, and guess who ended up with a hole in the wall so they could explore the chimney flue? So random people are running up and around our apartment building at all times, knocking on the door so they can peer yet again up the chimney, tearing holes in the wall and then restucco-ing and repainting. It's a mess up in here. Furniture and stuff scattered all around and stucco dust everywhere, even though they try to clean regularly.

So no Christmas stuff up because we kind of can't because workers keep having to come in to tear stuff down.

Then last night, Rich sprained the shit out of his ankle on the way back from the pub. (The fact he was drunk was a blessing and a curse: he might not have sprained it had he not been drinking but he sure felt no pain and was oddly pleasant when he got home, like "Gee, lookee there, that's kinda swollen, in'it?"). So today, instead of cleaning the apartment and getting a semblance of Christmas cheer going, with him as my Lovely Assistant getting stuff out of the cellar, we are going to the legevakt (weekend/all hours doctor) to make sure he's not too badly injured. This may also put the kibosh on our trip to Spain next week. Guess I should mention it is snowing like crazy outside?

And next week at work is going to be busy, even though my two direct bosses are gone on holiday, I have to do some other stuff for the Big Boss which will take a lot of research and thinking. I was gonna try to bunk off a day or so, but now it seems like maybe not.

So, can someone send me some Christmas cheer, please? I'm running out of time and don't see how I'm gonna get mine up and sparkling!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Blah-g

Not much to report, peeps.

It's FUCKING COLD still, with the added interest of some ice which seems have layered itself all over. This started on Friday night, when, coming home from Rich's company party (which was fun, I must say) it sleeted/rained/iced on us as we slid our way down the hill to catch the train. Have you ever been covered by ice? Me neither, until Friday night, and I swear, it felt exactly like you would think a freeze ray gun blast would feel. Icy, sticky, with a crunchy sound as you move and the ice crackles. Then when you are on the train it melts and steams off you and you end up looking like a bedraggled mess.

So that's why I am not going outside today, even though the sun is out. Because I don't want to SKATE, yo. And honestly I am perfectly happy to stay inside, do some desultory house cleaning, and then in a few hours I will do prep for dinner, a favorite dish I found and altered from a cookbook my friend Margaret gave me looong ago. It's basically fried chicken in a tomato and mushroom sauce with a vodka deglaze, but it's damned yummy.

Rich is brave, he's going out to find a book he wants. Stores are open on Sundays in Norway for the three weeks heading up to Christmas. Which is nice, if you actually can be arsed to get up and go to them. I, seemingly, cannot be arsed, today, and will remain sitting on mine on this lovely black and white floral Ikea sofa that I just fluffed and dusted.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Equilibrium

It always takes me a few days to get back to 'normal' (whatever that is for me) after a trip home. I mean, let's face it, I have a foot on both sides of the ocean, one home in Texas, and one here, and whenever I go home it always upsets the balance and I have a hard time re-adjusting to being back in Norway. When I am in Austin (and to some extent, Missouri with my parents) I miss Norway and when I am here I miss Texas. It will always be thus, my life has been changed, and I have to allow myself the adjustment period. Once I have that time, I am fine. Just JimDandy fine.

But FUCK did I have a hard time getting back this time. I can't be awake for that long. It was like, 36 hours. And to have to deal with mean insane cab drivers when I was that tired, it just put me over the edge. For me, sleep is the most important factor of my ability to cope. I CANNOT function if I am overtired. Just can't. When I am tired I am just a big nerve, raw and exposed. Like, if I was ever captured and held for torture? All they'd have to do is this:

Bad guy: We have captured you and are going to torture you.
Me: Bring it on, bitch. What's it gonna be? Red hot pokers? Water torture? Smack me around some?
Bad guy: Worse. We are gonna keep you up two hours after your bed time.
Me: (wimper) Nooo! Uncle! Uncle! I'll tell you whatever you want! The microchip is in my sock drawer!! The plans are on this flash drive!!! Just, please....Don't take my bedtime away!

But I am back now, I've gotten some sleep (though not enough, never enough) and have a bit of balance again. Saw some friends Saturday night, that was good. Even avoided a hangover. (Wonder if jet lag cancels out a hangover?) Went back to work today, was glad to see all my awesome coworkers, and even the heat being out in the office when it is minus 15 C outside wasn't a big problem, I preferred to see it as invigorating.

So I am sitting here with a glass of rosé, which is much easier to get here than in the States, eating the leftover Beef Borguinogne that Rich made last night (I know, awesome right?), watching some wierd ass show called Wipe Out and will go have a bath soon (something I tend not to get when I travel.)

Even the cold isn't so bad. I mean yeah, it's bloody freaking cold out there, but somehow the cold doesn't bother me too much, that is what coats are for.

Equilibrium. Nice to get it back.

Friday, December 03, 2010

Anatatomy of a Clusterfuck: The Twitter files

Just for shits and grins, here are all my Twitter posts over the length of my very loooooong trip back to Oslo. (The day culminated, fyi, in a cab driver screaming at me because he thought my luggage was too heavy. When Rich met me outside the apartment building when the cab stopped, I got out and burst into tears when he hugged me. The cab driver got out and started yelling at me again, and Rich nearly took his head off. (That was satisfying.) If i hadn't of been so tired and demoralized, I would've been turned on.)


Anyhow, read down for the whole sad Twitter saga of the Trip From Hell (London to Oslo Portion).



The Texpatriate

And to end the day, the cab driver was an wanker and screamed at me. Today sucked arse.

12 hours ago


The Texpatriate

Ok, yeah, its ass cold here in Oslo but somehow I can deal. Don't know why, but its not so bad....has my blood thinned?

13 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

I'm too tired to deal with the extreme culture shock I am feeling right now. Wanna go back home to Texas. Where its warm & ppl say scuse me.

14 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

Yep. Back in Norway. Had 2 people shove me and a door slammed in my face. Why do they have to always be first?

14 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

This BA pilot is a bit of a jokester. Not sure why he is so chatty and in a good mood, but I rather appreciate it. Now get me home!!!

16 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

Am finally on a plane. Have been at #lhr for 12.5 hours. Pretty sure I don't ever want to do this again.

16 hours ago


The Texpatriate

All domestic and short haul flts out of #lhr canceled after 1900. My flt is at 1855. Just barely squeaked by: gate is open. Whew?!

17 hours ago

»

PineCurtainGal

by texpatriate

@texpatriate Bless your stinky, stringy-haired ass.

18 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

I could go have a shower, but then I'd have to put my stank ass clothes back on, defeating the purpose. 12 hours at #lhr is enough.

18 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

@Blogography Not on the plane yet, just wishful retweeting of @LouisCK. Oh to be drunk AND on a plane.

18 hours ago

»

Louis C.K.

by texpatriate

On a plane. A lil drunk. Just a lil.

>>

The Texpatriate


@kory Perhaps, but only the English can fuck up something this spectacularly. When things go smooth, brilliant. When they don't? Chaos.

18 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

@PineCurtainGal I'm there, too with the smells. I want a bath SO bad. Ever seen me with stringy hair? You could now. I'm disgusting. #lhr

18 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

@louisck WISHING I was on a plane, but stuck at airport due to snow (one fucking cm in London.) But I am drunk too....solidarity!

18 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

Ever been so tired you think you might barf? Me neither, but I think I am almost there. #noplacelikehome

19 hours ago


The Texpatriate

I have that "not so fresh" feeling. Woke myself up snoring on a sofa in BA lounge, to find drool. Sexy international traveler's life.

20 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

The conversations you hear in the business class lounge. "Do we have enough capital for Poland?" I bloody hope so, mate.

23 hours ago

»

The Texpatriate

@elmadaeu Usually BA treat me well. Am surprised by how badly they have handled this. Mightily surprised.


The Texpatriate

Flight cancelled. Ba won't rebook. They are making me go thru customs immigration bag reclaim and start from scratch!!!!!! Fucking shit!

2 Dec

»

The Texpatriate

Flt lhr to oslo cancelled. BA supremely unhelpful. They are making me feel stabby.

2 Dec

»

The Texpatriate

Pretty sure we are now driving this plane across England. My God where is the gate already?

2 Dec

»

The Texpatriate

Landed at very snowy Heathrow. Let's hope I can get back out. The English can't handle snow....I sense trouble ahead.

2 Dec

»

The Texpatriate

Damn. Just stepping foot on a plane makes me gassy. Well, that and the champagne. (Burp) (fffrrrp)

1 Dec


The Texpatriate

Wifi out at BA lounge at DFW. They say it's been so all day. Well, um...fix it? That is why I want to use the lounge!!!! #dfwfail

1 Dec

»

The Texpatriate

My parents watched me go thru security to see any junk touching. Anticlimactic. TSA lady apologized when I said my folks wanted a show.

1 Dec

»

The Texpatriate

Hmmph. Was all ready to get self righteous over my junk, but TSA security was a doddle. Not even a frisk! Feel gypped!

1 Dec

»

texpatriate The Texpatriate

I don't wanna fly today. Don't wanna don't WANNA. (throws 4 year old's temper tantrum) noooooooo!!!!!!!

1 Dec

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Clusterfuck

Wow. I can't believe what I have just been through.

I left Missouri yesterday (?...time is a bit meaningless right now). Everything went smooth as butter: my parents' car didn't break down (a hazard in our family, what with the collection of 'interesting' cars), check in was fine, there was no groping of junk by TSA, no matter how hard I tried. Flight to Dallas equally seamless, though the business class lounge there kind of sucks, mostly because the internet was down. Flight from Dallas to was quick and comfortable, though some Irish woman talked loudly non-stop during the sleeping portion of the trip, loud enough that I could hear every word through ear plugs AND headphones.

And then I got to London. Which is where all my built up good travel karma went out the window.

My flight to Oslo was cancelled. Due to a millimeter or so of snow in London. I found this out after security, which I waited an age for. I decided to repair to the business lounge to regroup, get some help, and get a snack. They wouldn't let me into the business lounge because my ticket was cancelled, thus not making me a card carrying entrant to the lounge. WTF? Seriously? YOU cancel my flight, I come to you to fix it and then you tell me that because I don't have a flight I am not your customer and I get left out in the cold? WTF???

I went to customer service and it got worse. Customer service couldn't rebook my flight and told me I had to start all over, from scratch, as if I was just coming in to the airport. Huh? SAS just automatically rebooks you, WTF is this shit?

I had to: Go down and around to arrivals. Fill in landing card and go through passport control as if I was arriving in England to stay. Get my luggage. Take luggage through customs. Go to Departures hall. Wait in very long line with said luggage to rebook flight as if it was from scratch. Flight rebooked but 7 hours after original flight. Check in again. Go through Security (third time). Get 'randomly chosen' to have a body scan. Told them I didn't want to. They said no scan no fly. I pitched a royal fit, told them I had been through security THREE times already, TODAY, AT HEATHROW and when they told me to pose for the scan with my arms out I believe you can imagine which fingers I had extended. I try to be friendly and try to be accomodating to strangers and so on, but this was the ABSOLUTE last straw. I hope they enjoy the naked pictures of me.

I finally made it through all that, took my new boarding pass up to the business lounge, and am now on my second VERY LARGE glass of Gruner Vetliner (tasty, too) and am then going to avail myself of the free 15 minute spa treatment. Will then fall asleep on some sofa or other, and thence to dinner at Wagamama at T5, until my flight later this evening.

I smell bad, I'm tired, my hair looks flat and stringy, I'm tired, I'm a bit drunk, my skin is oily, my makeup mostly rubbed off, I feel icky and I want to be home and have a bath, dammit.