rawkin' and shawpin'

My activities have been thus:

• visiting friends
• admiring all my friends' progeny, of which there are many. So many cute kids, and I enjoy each and every one of them very much, but I also have to say I kind of enjoy knowing I can go home and not have little nippers hanging on my legs. Not that I don't want kids, but if it does not happen (as it seems not to be) I can see the advantage of being the Funky Cool Aunt. (Or Goofball, as the Geej so eloquently pegged me last night.) (Very prescient three year old, is she. I try so hard to be fabulous, but I am always gonna be a goofball.)
  
• drinking beers (though I have not been drinking much, actually, come to think of it)
• eating foods that I crave, to last me for another 6 months, like today's belly-poofing lunch at Matt's El Rancho.
  
• driving around in my sweet little rental Volvo S40 and cranking the new Lady Sovereign cd. I forgot how much I love driving around and listening to music. I used to do 75% of my music listening in the car. Only place I can get it loud enough to really rock out, plus I am an excellent chair dancer.
  
• shopping.....oh my fugging God how much do I love Target? I mean, it's like H&M but better because the clothes are actually better quality, fit and fabrics, and then you can go get a bag of Cheetos, some tampons, Tylenol and DVD's, all in one easy to navigate place. Nirvana, pure and simple. It seems my shopping goes in one of only two directions: very cheap or quite expensive. This goes in a ratio of approximately 50 to 1, in favor of cheap. But today I hit Last Call also and got some sweet higher end stuff, like a $500 jacket that I paid $75 for.
  
• catching up on appointments, business matters and general "takin' care of stuff on the home front" activities. Tomorrow I have a 7am dentist appt. Oy.

Tonight I am meeting up with the lovely authoress of Toxomaman for a drink and a catch up.

By the way, here's some news from Norway. How many news articles can you remember reading that make reference to "enormous farts"?

portions

Today I went and saw the latest Harry Potter movie. AWESOME! So good, and the acting has really improved among the lead characters, so kudos to them.

My favorite movie snack is popcorn (natch) with a Hawaiian Punch. I loves me the fruity red goodness. So I ordered the medium popcorn, because hey, splurge, and small drink. When the girl handed me the drink I said, "Um, no, I ordered a small". She's all like "That IS the small". And I'm all, "Wait, that TUB of drink is a small?" And she's all, "Yep. If you want to swim I can get you a large."

I mean, HOLY CRAP! The small is bigger than the biggest big you can get in Norway at any 7-11, movie theatre or fast food stand. The small is so big I am still having to pee 4 hours later.

I loves me some Hawaiian punch! Just maybe not in bucket sizes.

Then I went to Best buy and bought a cd by Lady Sovereign (Bookhart introduced me to her and I was BLOWN AWAY) and the latest Marilyn Manson. Because, you know, I like to RAWK, yo.

I'm scared to shop

Damn, y'all.

i'm scared to shop.

As one who has a fairly long retail history herself, what the hell is up with going shopping now? I mean, there's service and then there is smothering.

Today, directly upon walking into a store when Bookhart and I checked out the Domain, the new posh shopping area in Austin:

(perky sales girl)"Hi y'all! How are you doing? Ok, so, just to let y'all know we are having an AWESOME sale on shoes, so everything on the right hand of the store is like, TOTALLY on sale. And just so you know, all this stuff in the front of the store is like, new, so it's only been here a week or so and we think it's really, like, great. So, you know, if y'all need, like ANYTHING, my name is Tiffany and that is Britney and we are totally here if you need ANYTHING".

We left that store pretty much immediately and went to another one, a large posh department store, where i found a sales person to ask if they had a cafe or something where we could get a drink:

(sales person) "Um, no, like, we don't have a cafe or anything, but we have a special right now and would y'all like a 5 minute FREE eye treatment?"

(Me) "Um, no, I just sort of want a Coke".

(her) "Oh, well, no, we don't have a cafe but our new Soothing Eye Goo is really refreshing and I would love to give you a free treatment".

(me) "Does it involve anything I can drink? It's 900 degrees outside".

(her)(realizing I don't want an eye treatment i want a fucking COKE) "Oh, like, NO, but there's a Starbucks and there's a smoothie place and all sorts of restaurants right up the street".

(me) "grumble grumble". (then I got waylaid by a 2000 dollar purse with bits of crocodile on it, which I did not buy but it certainly was very tribal looking, in a bone through the lip sort of way)(by the way, as a rule I do not buy 2000 dollar purses, fyi.)

I swear, Bookhart and I are just gonna walk into stores now and when a sales person approaches us, we are going to dive under the nearest table and cover our ears and go "lalalala" until they go away. .

I don't think I want customer service anymore, I just want to SHOP.

culture shock

For the first time upon coming home, I am experiencing culture shock.

Yes, I know. I've gone all Euro.

Like yesterday, we went to a restaurant, and when we were almost done eating, the waiter dropped off the check on our table. I had a brief flash of absolute righteous anger, like "How rude! How dare he just leave the check without us asking first!" It took me about 30 seconds before I remembered, oh, yeah, that's how that is done here. It's not rude, it's called service. But in Europe, a waiter would never dare leave a check without the customer asking first, as it might imply that the customer needs to hurry their meal.

And then, also, I noticed when going through security in Houston to get the flight to Austin, how FAST Americans are in the security line. I mean, no bullshit, they've got their bins and baggies all ready, shoes off and computers out, way before they are up for the security, and the lines go FAST. At least, this one in Houston did. I had a hard time keeping up. In Europe it's more of a dawdle, I get so annoyed when people get up to the security check point and THEN take off their jackets and stuff and act all like "What? I have to give you my purse for you to check?" D'oh! So chalk up one for American efficiency. I did notice a vast improvement over all in check in, immigration and customs in Houston at IAH airport. Kudos to them.

However, I was very confused by the machine that sold cell phones I found at the airport. A vending machine for phones? WTF? This was made doubly confusing by the fact that I needed to buy a top up card for my T Mobile sim card....and there was not one place anywhere in the airport that did so. I can buy a phone but no minutes? (And I was totally out of time on my phone and so could not receive even a text message.) That was very culture shock for me, as in Norway you can go into any 7-11, Narvesen, kiosk or convenience store and top up your phone in about 2 minutes, and even if you are out of minutes you can still receive calls and messages.

But here, in the US, they do the whole cell phone thing completely backwards and you have to have a contract, etc. And to find a top up program that is pay as you go is apparently very difficult and to my knowledge only T Mobile does it, with any decent coverage on a GSM network. The guy I talked to at T Mobile when I finally DID find a place to top up my phone was very knowledgeable about the US vs Euro phone systems and he said the US is completely backwards and is the only country in the world that charges you for both calling AND receiving.....which sucks ass. You should not have to pay to receive a call. The US is way behind the rest of the world in cell phone technology, they are hampering their pwn progress with these byzantine rules. (And yes, I am very annoyed the iPhone is tied in to AT&T as it makes it completely useless for me. Dammit.)

Another big difference between Europe and the US is customer service when shopping. Generally, in Europe, when you go to a shop you might be greeted and after that the most you will get is a brief "Let me know if you need help". And I have found, if I DO need help, it's efficient, not overly friendly, but you generally end up getting your needs met. Today, at one shop I went to, this sweet but obviously over trained young girl followed me around, chirpily giving me advice on EVERY FUCKING thing in the store, offering suggestions on what to wear with this or that, to the point that I actually just left because I just did NOT WANT THAT MUCH HELP. I mean, really, honey, I am twice your age, and have been dressing myself successfully for YEARS. I know you want to help, but I managed to do quite well before I met you and will probably do so again, so while I appreciate the help, if you see me HIDING behind a dress form so that you won't see me and help me more, then maybe it's a sign that you should bugger off.

That being said, I did have some nice chats with other people today. That's another thing that doesn't happen in Europe, you don't do chatty talk with folks you don't know. Texans are experts at 'fake nice' as one girl I met called it. You know, that person you meet in the bathroom or shop or whatever is your best friend for like, 5 minutes, then you never see them again? Fake nice. Though it's not really fake, as I genuinely like talking to people, but in Norway it's considered a bit shallow and unnecessary to spend time chatting to someone you won't be seeing again. Here in Texas, it's a high art. I got stopped about 4 times today from people commenting on something I was wearing. And it's not that I looked all that great, it's just that people here DO that sort of thing...if you see something on someone you like, you tell them. I complimented three people myself just this afternoon.

Oh and haha...I got carded when I was buying wine. I was all (simper giggle simper) "Really? You want my ID? How sweet!" The check out girl shrugged and said "Yeah, we have to card anyone under 40." (bubble goes POOF) Well, at least I still look under 40...right?

Holy crap this was the smoothest travel experience I have ever had. The worst thing that happened was that some bitch ran her suitcase over my foot in Oslo when I was getting off the train. And she didn’t say sorry or anything, just ran me over. But if that is the worst thing to happen, no worries. I gave her good glare, she will shrivel and die within days.

I must compliment both KLM and Continental for a flawless flight experience from start to finish. Considering I was flying on Friday the 13th and that I was dreading it, I am really impressed. The flight attendants were nice, the gate attendants were very helpful and even the security people were pleasant to deal with!

To make things even better (besides having exit row and /or bulkhead seats the whole way) was that getting through immigration in Houston and then going through customs was the smoothest I have ever experienced any where (except in Turkey, oddly enough). It took less than 30 minutes to get through immigration, (and most of the time was taken in just getting there, must have been a mile) get my bag and go through customs. I was at the gate with over an hour to spare….and had less than two scheduled for transfers, etc!

Time to board for the flight HOME!!!!!!!

9pm same day, arrived in Austin, update:

Who says Friday the 13th is unlucky? Not me. Getting my rental car? Well, I had signed up for a free upgrade on the car though Continental at Alamo. When I got there, the car I was supposed to get was not available, so they upgraded me. Then, the car I got, had something wrong with it where the windshield wipers would NOT turn off, so they upgraded my upgraded upgrade.

So look at me driving a very sweet little Volvo something or other with sunroof and all mod cons. Fucking SWEEET!

And yeah, my luggage made it and the chocolate did not melt.

sporadic

Things are gonna get sporadic here at the ome of the Texpatriate for the next week. I am off to Austin tomorrow. I will have my computer with me, but don't see me accessing the 'net til Saturday at the earliest.

In the meantime I leave you with a visual foreshadowing of the week to come:

Mags wanted us to create out Simpsons avatar and post it on our blogs.

So I did.

What she DIDN'T tell me is that the Simpsons movie website gives you no way to save your character to your computer, so you have to do the ol' print screen, cut and paste thing. You can't just click on your character and "save as" either, due to it being Flash driven.

I dunno if I am Luddite or whatever here, but I really tend to not like Flash websites. I don't want my sites to move or scroll in funky ways or have intros. I want to click where I want to click and go where I want and not have to wait for Java to load up or whatever the hell. Some of the sites are awful with the flashy Flash, but then they don't DO anything else. No where to click or whatever. I hate that.

Granted the Simpsons movie site is way better than alot of them, (go to Moe's when you get a chance) and is a good use of the software. Its when a commercial site that you are trying to buy something from gets Flashy, that's when I get pissy.

So sue me. I'm basic, what can I say.

By the way, that was TOTALLY how my character thinks, too. Her name is Rhonda. If you look closesly you will see she is making my Ultimate Fashion Faux Pas, which is wearing navy blue and black together.

And in other news, everyone else is doin' it so here goes:

What kind of liberal am I?

My Liberal Identity:

You are a Reality-Based Intellectualist, also known as the liberal elite. You are a proud member of what’s known as the reality-based community, where science, reason, and non-Jesus-based thought reign supreme.

Take the quiz at www.FightConservatives.com

as close to proof as you can get

This is about as close as one can get to proving the question of what Scotsmen wear under their kilts. (I have actual, personal proof from a crazy night in Amsterdam, but this another story for another time and anyhow, the photo turned out blurry.)

If it were me, and I was a guy and Scottish and running with bulls, I would for DAMN sure be wearing the cast iron drawers under me kilt.

Because, HELLO?!

I am sorry, Southern Norway

It's my fault the weather is so crappy, and for that I do apologize heartily.

See, for two years, as long as we have been in this flat, I resisted buying two things: a floor fan and a deck chair. I really wanted them both, but a floor fan is mostly only a summer thing (though it does get HOT in this flat in a heat wave) and a deck chair, for lounging, seemed so decadent, what with all the warnings about lying in the sun, etc.

But I found them both on sale and I bought them.

And it started raining the next day and hasn't stopped.

So, this is Mother Nature, Gaia, whatever, punishing me for my frivolity and certainty that the weather would indeed BE warm and sunny enough for me to use either item.

Maybe I should have bought wellies and a hooded rain jacket, and then we would have had sun.

I'm sorry. I should have thought this thing through before I did it. I forgot about my powers over weather and time.

Bullet Post

Today is a bullet post day, as my head hurts and stringing together sentences in a logical, transitional paragraphed manner is beyond me. Besides, I need to do a random brain dump anyhow.

• You'd think I would have learned by now, but no matter how many times I go to the pub on Friday evenings and say "I am NOT going to hurt myself", someone buys yet another round and I end up hurting myself.
  
• The hangover wasn't so bad, but the tension/stress/muscle/hormone headache I went to bed with and woke up with is of monumental proportions.
  
• I finally had to beg Rich to give me one of his muscle tearing, extremely painful but effective shoulder massages. He uses his elbows (not one for the finesse, is he) and just digs into the rock hard muscle of my upper back and shoulders. Hurts like hell, but it does work out some of the kinks.
• If my ass were as hard as my back muscles, I would wear a thong every day.
  
• Just the thong.
  
• I am drinking de tox tea.
  
• Tastes like grassy ass. Like if a cow crapped and they took the grass it crapped on and made tea with it.
  
• Eh, you get used to it.
  
• Am watching "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". Need to get up to speed for the next movie, coming out next week.
  
• I keep hearing rumors that Harry dies in the last book. I fucking well hope it is not true.
  
• Last night at the pub, we had our usual scintillating conversations.
  
• This time it was about wanking and proper hand size for best effectiveness, words for wanking in languages other than English (to include Norwegian, German, French and Russian as reflected the nationalities at the table), general number of wanks in a week and whether right or left hand is better for said wankage.
• As usual, we had the masterdebate of length vs girth. The women all insist that girth is preferable, the boys insist on length. The boys should listen to the girls, I say.
  
• Yes, the Expat Life is Fabulous.
  
• Imagine a multi-cultural table full of middle aged Beavises (Beavi?) and Buttheads, and that would be the general level of conversation on any Friday at the pub.
  
• We laugh alot.
  
• At 11pm, we get kicked IN to the pub, as there is some rule that we can't sit out side after that time.
  
• The general idea is to get kicked OUT, but no, we get kicked IN. They like us.
  
• We had a catastrophic lack of toilet paper this morning and so I had to face the grocery store on a Saturday.
• (Note see how crude that transition was? I mean, you had NO warning I was going from pub conversations to toilet paper did you?)
  
• I always have a quiet giggle in the loo roll aisle. They always name the toilet paper using two descriptive words joined by "and".
  
• The toilet paper I prefer is called "soft and long".
• There is also "strong and soft", "soft and friendly", and for paper towels we have "wipe and clean" and "clean and long".
• These names always seem vaguely phallic to me.
  
• If I named toilet paper I would name it "long and hard", "turgid and pink" or merely "ass and wipe". A popular seller would be "big and thick".
  
• I bet they would be best sellers.
• I seem to be penis obsessed.
  
• It is a bit embarrassing walking home with a packet of toilet paper called "long and soft" tucked under your arm. Ditto "wipe and clean" paper towels.
  
• My detox tea must be kicking in. My burps smell like cow's feet.
  
• I know, I KNOW, I am sexy. You don't have to tell me that, for I already know.
  

The trendiest new shoes in South Norway....

....and, I would assume, in Texas.

Today is the first day it hasn't rained in weeks. So of course, I am off to the pub for a celebratory beer.

Holy CRAP it's been a busy week, and next week more of the same. I know my blog has been sucking lately, and I am sorry for that, but I'm in this wierd place where I have alot of stuff going on, but none of it is either bloggable (I have stuff I just don't blog about) or blog worthy (stuff you wouldn't really give a crap in a hat for). I promise it will get better. I'll have lots of stuff to talk about soon, once all the travel kicks in again. I got my visa for India today.

In the meantime, once I have learned how to walk in my new shoes, I should be in the pink of fashion when it starts raining again.....

A week and a half....

....and I'll be HOME.


WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain and rain and RAIN

I am in solidarity with you Texas folks.

It is now the wettest June on record in this here part of Norway.

Rain and rain and rain. Flood warnings everywhere, mudslides and chaos. the creek that follows along the road past our building is higher than I have ever seen it and I would not be surprised if it overflowed. I wonder if it has ever done that...certainly not in my time here.

If this continues we will have missed summer entirely this year.

Thankfully I have trips to Austin, India, and Poland planned. ONE of those places will have to have some sun, right? (Just watch me catch the tail end of the monsoons in India.) Did I mention I am going to India for work? OMFG how much do I love my job?

The rain in Austin will take a break by end of next week, RIGHT?

We've also planned a trip to Prague with some friends for October. Should be fun, lots of good beer, but I've already told everyone I am NOT carrying anyone out of any bars. I've booked us a hotel in a renovated 13th century monastery. I am really psyched about that. Ironically, another person, a guy, has booked HIS room at a place that was a cloister. What is up with us booking in opposite-sex houses of the holy?

I think it is safe to say.....

I have a type.

I didn't realize how entrenched it was until I noticed this guy on both "Weeds" and "Grey's Anatomy", his name is Jeffrey Dean Morgan?

And I saw him and I LOST MY MIND over him. (He's the guy there under Chris Noth, the fourth picture?) Anyhow, I was all "Who is this chunk of manly yumminess?" I could not STOP looking at him.
So I researched him and he is the guy who keeps dying. He died in Weeds, he died in Grey's Anatomy (and that killed me) and I really can't stand it if I watch him in something else and he dies again because he is TOO beautiful.

Then I realized that all the actors I go koo koo for are...Tall. Dark. Handsome. A bit older than me. Manly, not pretty. And slightly hairy.

John Cusack. Chris Noth. This Morgan guy. Sean Connery. Patrick Dempsey. Jeff Goldblum. (Always Jeff Goldblum...always.)

I have a type, dammit. I'm predictable.

I'm....... that girl who likes' 'em tall, dark and handsome.

Sigh.

Boys this will be incomprehensible to you.

Today is Day Two. But then, so was Friday and so was Saturday.

In fact, Day Two started on Day One and has now extended its bitchy self to Day Three.

I fucking hate Day Two and I hate getting older so that Day Two lasts for Three Days.

The new countries, from the previous post, by the way, are Poland and India. I will have seen them both before August is over. Knock wood.

by end of August......

create your own visited country map

I will have added a few more countries to the map.

Can you figure out which ones?

Raining everywhere

I keep hearing about the heavy heavy rains in Texas and I send y'all my thoughts. I hope everyone is safe!

We are having the same sort of thing here too, though not quite as heavy. But rain rain and more rain.....Good for ducks but that's about it. The ducks are damned happy though.

can't even read it anymore.

It's gotten to the point where I just can't read anything having to do with the Bush White House anymore. It makes reading the news almost impossible. From Cheney and wiretapping to that prosecutor's firing deal, and the veto of stem cell research and then they rejected a taxpayer suit regarding the faith based initiatives, I despise everything our government represents.

So as I read it:

As taxpayers who support the government with our hard earned money, we have no actual rights to say where that money goes.
I won't even go into why the government funding faith based initiatives is just a bad idea.

The justice system is rigged to support whatever Bush wants. And the rest of the system (Congress, etc.,) can just suck it as far as the White House is concerned.

The government can listen in one our most private conversations at any time without our knowledge.

A research initiative that might save lives is rejected by a president who has killed hundreds of thousands in a senseless war, on the grounds that he is saving lives.

Fuck it, I need a drink. I'm just gonna go read about Paris Hilton some more. I hate her, but i hate her way less than Bush.

The Farmers and the Smell

Oy vey.

The local farmers (we are surrounded, our little town, by very rich and productive farm land) have apparently all decided to fertilize their fields at one time. And the wind has been very effective in blowing the smell of cow shit DIRECTLY into our flat. The whole damned town smells like a cow. A farting, chewing, shitting cow.

And guess what we had last night for our anniversary dinner? If you guessed Big Ol' Steak, you are right.

There's all sorts of irony there somewhere, but right now I am just too busy covering my nose to suss it out.

And for you Brits out there, here is a very hilarious example of a difference in wording between the UK and the US. I introduce...The Fanny Facial! When I think of it in UK terms, I really am curious as to how one would go about doing such a treatment? I guess it's all about the lips.

Safety tips for your summer beach holiday

This made the rounds at work, and something about it just tickles my funny bone. Maybe because it's obviously written by someone for whom English is NOT a first language, and the quaintness of their writing makes it even funnier.

We are discussing including it in some QHSE manuals as a safety precaution for employees who might go to the tropics on holiday.

__________________________

1: Don't swim in the ocean.
Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally large bodies of water also known as oceans.
The way to determine if you are currently in an ocean is to taste the water, which should be salty.

2: Listen out for the music.
In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean, listen carefully for the music, as demonstrated in the marvelous documentary film Jaws. All shark attacks are preceded by the "daah-da, daah-da" chords, which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets closer. This is due to the Doppler Effect.

3: Swim with fat people.
Try to surround yourself with more appetizing companions. If you know them well, you might even try to switch their suntan lotion with A-1 Steak Sauce. This will definitely improve your odds. (Karla's note: I'm a prime candidate for the A-1 spreading. My ass with steak sauce would be a treat no self respecting shark would want to miss out on.)

4: Don't go into the water without a knife.
This is not to defend yourself but to stab the person (a.k.a the fat A-1 slathered decoy) closest to you in the case of a shark attack. Once you are sure the "decoy" is bleeding profusely....swim for your freekin life.

5: Don't panic.
In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This really won't help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will appreciate you not shrieking madly, as this is quite unsettling.

1000 posts and random possession I adore

Wierd. That last post I made, about seein' my home bitches in Austin, was my 1000th post.

Three years, 1000 posts. Not quite one a day but close enough all told.

Ok so anyhow, tonight as I cooked dinner (lightly breaded pork chop with a white wine mushroom gravy, very Deutsch and very delish) I realized how freaking much I love my cast iron skillet.

My mom gave it to me when I went to college, and she had it from at least the time she came to the US, so it's probably at least 40 years old. It's perfectly seasoned, pitch black, practically non stick and totally awesome. It's heavy as hell. It clangs and bangs and it practically breaks my wrist every time I try to pick it up with one hand. There is NOTHING like cooking with an old cast iron skillet. And even better, once you are done cooking with it, you swab it out with hot water and some soap and it's clean.

Tomorrow is my 14th anniversary, and if the husband forgets, it's also a good tool for beating him upside the head. *CLANG!*

I love multi purpose kitchen ware.

Comin' home to see my bitches.....

I'm comin' home to see my bitches......*

Ticket's all booked and now I am planning all the corollary bits that attend that.

Such as a rental car (you can't go to Texas without a car).

And to give my friends Julia and Heather (not pictured) , who I normally stay with, and who have a very active 10 month old, a break, I booked a room at a hotel for the last three nights I am there. And I'll be DAMNED if Priceline doesn't work! I just threw out a larky bid for a room, never thought I'd get it at that price, and holy crap if I ain't set up but purty in a four star in downtown Austin for my last three nights. SWEET! For half the price I expected and over 100 bucks off per night!

You know what that means don't you?

MORE MONEY FOR BEER. And Mexican food. Which I shall eat and drink by the POOL of the FOUR STAR hotel.

Now I just have to buckle down and get some crap taken care of at work. It's gonna get insane by August, which is why I am breaking my usual rule of "no travel to the US in summer" to go home now. I was gonna go in September and tie it in with a trip to see my folks for various birthdays and anniversaries, but I just don't think I can take two 1/2 weeks off work right then. So instead I am breaking it up into two trips, one to Texas and one to the 'rents, and that way hopefully everyone is happy, especially the airlines who get LOTS MORE of my money than they would normally.

*Bitches in this picture are Jenny, Malcontent Mama, Karla May and the adorable Bookhart. Please note, it was like 10 am when I took this photo and we were all having an early morning beer (see Jenny's hand) to ward off the hair of that damned biting dog......

Home! Home!

I booked myself a flight home to Austin mid July. Just for 9 days.

I need a dose of home, dammit. It's time. The homesickness was invading my dreams.

Short visit but oh I can't WAIT!

MEXICAN FOOD! In less than a month!!!!

(wiping up drool)

I missed my own third blogiversary!!!!!!!!

It's no secret to many people who know me that I am very bad with dates. It's pretty much a given that I will not remember a birthday, anniversary, holiday, etc. It's not that they aren't important to me, or indeed that the person involved is not important to me, I just sort of feel like the random unexpected remembrance or gift is always so much more fun than remembering to send that card on Valentine's day or whatever.

That and I really, REALLY suck at keeping a calendar. I never know the date, unless I am traveling on it. Time goes so fast and I have a real problem trying to turn the pages of that calendar (whether weekly or monthly) fast enough to keep up. Maybe I am avoiding the passage of time, trying to hide from my own inevitable aging, I don't know. But I do apologize for those I love and care for that they take the fall for my calendarphobia.

So I guess it's no surprise, then, that I forgot my OWN Third Blogiversary on June 17? Three years bitches! Three years!

Sigh.....three years. (shakes head, wonders where it all went.)

Biff Lindstrom to the Rescue!

Last night at the pub the "dagens rett" was a dish called "Biff Lindstrom". This dish was described as "like a hamburger without the bun, with gravy and rhubarb". I did not order it.

I did, however, vastly enjoy the name of the dish. Biff Lindstrom. BIFF LINDSTROM!

I get two very disparate images of a guy named Biff Lindstrom.

Guy #1: "Biff Lindstrom! He's our hero! Go team go! Gosh he's peachy keen, our American hero, I hope he takes me to the sock hop tonight! Have you ever seen anyone so DREAMY?" (girls in pony tails and poodle skirts screaming as he runs by to score the next touchdown for the college team)

Guy #2: (Cue music) Boom chicka chicka wah wah...."Biff Lindstrom, Swedish Porn Star, now appearing in his latest hit, "I Got Yer MeatBalls Right Here". Biff Lindstrom, women love him, men want to be him. Biff Lindstrom. See him at sticky theatres near you".

I have fun with my food, what can I say.

Letting my Geek Flag Fly

1) As I was getting dressed this morning I realized I could not zip my dress all the way up the back. I could get the zip up enough so the dress would not fall off me, but it was obvious that the zip was WAY open. Rich had already left for work and I really didn't have time to change clothes and I for real could not get that damned zipper up. I am just not that flexible.

What to do what to do? Ah, yes. Find a friend. Luckily I have made friends with the ladies in one of the shops downstairs from our flat. So, on the way to catch the train, I popped by the shop (it had opened not 1 minute earlier) and asked one of them, sheepishly, if she wouldn't mind zipping me up the back. I felt it was ok since I had bought the dress from them. (Not that the purchase of a dress includes permanent zipping services, but in emergencies one does what one must.) The gals there are pretty used to me, sometimes I just stop by to say 'hi', so she just busted out laughing and zipped me up.

Remind self to buy them some chocolates or something....because I am just NOT normal and they are nice enough to accept me anyhow!

2) I am letting my inner Geek out in a big way. The other day I bought Buffy Comics season 8, issues 1-3 and devoured them pretty much momentarily after the purchase. Cool graphics (though what the hell do I know about comics?), great writing (what else would one expect from the Almighty Joss?) and fun story. I still sort of hate Dawn, though. But I am sure she will get more interesting....and it is kind of cool that she can squash things with a good stomp now. I hope to get season 4 and maybe 5 (is it out?) Friday. We are a bit behind, here.

3) Inner Geek continues its 'Aliens' like birth as I read the Hyperion Omnibus, by Dan Simmons. A fellow Geek (one of the pub crowd, we share a love of Terry Pratchett and naughty stories with lots of cursing and use of the word 'bollocks') lent it to me, telling me that yes it was Sci Fi but also based on the poetry of Keats and has a good human interest. (I've always professed to hate Sci Fi but for all intents and purposes I had better review my thoughts on that, considering my love of Serenity, Douglas Adams and some other similar things.)

I confess I borrowed it only because he seemed so intent on lending it to me, but I'll be damned if it is not a quite riveting story. I thought I'd give it an hour or so, to see if it would draw me in, and three hours later I looked up not realizing how much time had passed. So, I guess I will continue with it! It's really good, thought it is also a VERY big book, two books in one, hence the 'omnibus' part of the title. I guess I won't be seen out in public much in the next few weeks as I muscle my way through the very large tome. Well, the hammock is comfortable and the weather is mild. Perfect conditions for a laze around with a good book whilst getting a tan.

4) Work is going to seriously and completely kick my ass starting in about a month. I have such a huge project staring at me that I get a bit anxious thinking about it. I need/want to do advance planning, and am doing what I can, but the nature of the project, the companies, regulations, and agents I am dealing with don't actually allow me to do much more than obsess. I just have to wait for the information I need before i can get going. One of the things I hate most in this world is procrastination by others that holds me back in a project. Because it usually ends up that their lateness makes me late, and as a timely person that just chaps my ass big time. I just don't see what is so hard with getting things done on time as necessary! Ja Wohl! My Kraut is showing.....

Tonight (ok so tomorrow, but it's just as long now) is MidSummer night. We gots 20 hours of sun today. That's alot of sun. I plan to be outside for at least some of it tonight. People set of fireworks and generally go insane, so sleep is not much of an option.

Imagine laying in your hammock outside and reading a book at midnight with no extra lighting but the sky.....I did that yesterday! tonight I just drank beer.....I needed sunglasses until 10 pm.

and for the hell of it, random photos of boats in diffferent places

Boats on the beach in Thailand.

Boats outside the city walls in Essouira, Morocco.

Boat on the Mekong in Laos.

Boat on the Bosphorus in Istanbul. I like the face painted on it.

Boat on a canal in Copenhagen.

I think I'll post more themes over the next weeks. I have a few of them: Trees, laundry drying, boats, alleyways, colorful mayhem in markets, etc. Do you have themes in your photography that seem to pop up, even though you may not be consciously doing it?

A dress a day continues, but with pants as well

Monday: Black linen dress from H&M

Tuesday: Cool linen pants with matching bolero jacket from H&M. Pants are baggy and high waisted, cuffed and a little cropped. Jacket is a bracelet sleeved, vintage-looking affair. All in a slubby tweedy looky linen in black and yellowy-tan.

Wed: Black baggy linen trousers with suspenders from H&M. Worn with a white vest (or "waistcoat" to you Brits) and a white shirt with big puffy sleeves. Discovered, too late, that wearing a vest OVER your suspendered pants looks cute? But makes having to go pee a real BITCH as you pretty much have to undress and then start again from scratch. And I was short on time and apparently long on pee that day.
Wed Eve: Rich's birthday, silk chiffon dress from Noa Noa in a great shade of celadon green that somehow makes my eyes that same color. I really like that dress, got it way on sale and so bought its twin in an orangey peach shade. Hey, 80% off is 80% off!

Thursday: Back on the dress track. And loving the celadon green, so wore a green linen Noa Noa wrap dress over an old Thai silk CP Shades skirt in a slightly lighter shade of same green. Wore it with my mom's jade beads she gave me, that her mom gave to her.

Friday: Brown point de esprit dress from H&M with smocked peasant top and spaghetti straps. Empire style, which I normally don't like, but this one fits me well and so avoids that pregnant look. Needed a sweater (it's cooled off a bit) so wore with a cream colored granny crocheted shrug.

Today: There's a medieval festival in Oslo so might wear something long and floaty, mayhap that purple floral dress from the other week......

Beautiful day today. God summer in Norway is gorgeous.....

tgiff

I think you all know what the extra "f" stands for.

This was a really long week. I worked EVERY DAY. Usually I just work 4 days a week (or try to) and for all of May there were holidays every week, so I haven't worked a full week in a long time. And it was a doozy of a week.

I was in a class at work for most of it, which meant getting there extra early (for me) and then being alert, smart, engaging and intelligent for HOURS at a time. Usually I try to give myself breaks in the smartness, you know, but this week it was ALL smart ALL the time. And then there was a TEST. I haven't taken a test that was graded in absolute YEARS. I was really nervous.

Ouch. Brain overload. But I passed and now you can go ahead and ask me about auditing procedures, ISO9001 and OHSAS 18001 and other assorted businessy crap that is surprisingly useful once you get past the lingo. The lingo is stultifying boring. Painfully, sleep inducingly boring. But once you associate that to what you do every day, it gets if not hugely interesting at least certainly understandable and logical.

Then it was Rich's birthday Wednesday and I planned a very small surprise gathering for him at a local restaurant. Just a few of his work buddies, but still even a small thing needs planning and then there was the issue of how do I clean the house for the apres dinner cake eating without him noticing I am cleaning the house? Because if he notices I am cleaning he will KNOW something's up, because I really don't clean unless someone will see it, you know? So there was that.

And I still had to somehow do my NORMAL work.

And other daily stuff.

(Oy, Looking down at the fountain below there is a young man in a t shirt and no pants who is maybe a bit old to be pantsless. Mommy, Daddy, that kid ain't 2, so I think he needs to wear more than he is wearing, especially as every time he bends over I am getting an eyeful of kiddy junk that I really would rather not see. Thanks.)

I also wanna send HUGE props Badger's way. Not only was she quoted in an article in the New York Times, but the article is in the Fashion and Style section, which sort of makes me green with envy as holy crap, it's the NYT FASHION AND STYLE SECTION! Which, like, EVERYONE reads! So there are all these FAMOUS people who now think that Badger is a Mom Guru, a Wise Person of the Blogging Set.

And to think I know her and have even ridden in her Bad Ass Minivan.

One small quibble to the NYT? Where Badger lives? Is not exactly West Texas. It's sort of (well it IS) central. But hey, nobody expects Yankees to know where everything is in Texas, just like all those small states in the east are, to us Texans, those Small States in the East.

Of ALL people....

I have decided that of all the famous people in the world who don't deserve to be famous, this woman bugs me the most.

I mean, look at her here.

And here.

And here.

Does that woman EVER smile?

What has she got to be so angsty about? I mean, holy crap, she is the biggest sour puss and acts like being famous is such a HARD job, yet all she does is pose and.....try to be famous. She just glours and stares and grimaces and pouts. Pose pose pose. HATE her! Go back to England and.....oh, wait. Never mind. You guys keep her in America, she's farther away from me there. Maybe I won't have to hear about her as much.

I truly can't stand her and every time I see her I get more annoyed with her.

Yes, I hate her more than Paris Hilton and Elizabeth Hasslebeck combined. I hate her THAT much.