Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Spring cleaning...not

I have been queen of the really long post lately, but I will try to make this one short and absurd.

It's about 49 degrees outside, and in Norway that means spring cleaning. Which brings me to my thoughts on...dust.

There is too much of it, I think. I mean, I just don't understand where it all comes from. I grew up in a dust free house. I still, to this day, don't know how Mom does it, but there is NEVER any dust in my parents' house. I do remember her cleaning the glass surfaces daily, and I guess she dusted daily, too, but it never seemed like a big deal to her, she just did it. For me? Dusting? Big, sighing, stomping, grumbling, must-have-loud-music deal. My attitude towards cleaning basically is revealed in the following phrase:

"Dust? Didn't I just do that last year?"

Seriously, growing up in my mom's Teutonically spotless, no big deal, dust- dare- not- enter home, I really don't think I was given the mental tools to understand dust. I don't think I ever knew it existed, or what to do with it if it did show up. (Like dirty laundry, I never knew what that was either. My discarded clothes got tossed in the hamper, and appeared magically clean in my closet. I am still perturbed that they don't hang themselves up after I wash them, what's that all about anyhow? Can someone please invent the "dry clothes hanger upper"?) If you did see dust it was no problem, it would disapear obediently and immediately. That's just how it was in our house. I never thought about it.

So today, as I changed the sheets on the bed, I noticed that the fug in the air was, shockingly enough, dust. Dust and teensy bits of feather from the pillows and duvet. I looked around the bedroom, and my God, more dust! What the hell? I dusted before Tine and Peter's visit, and that was just in February! How damned much dust is there in the world, and what is it all doing in my bedroom?

So I got the Swiffers and I swabbed all that crap up...and more landed right where I had just wiped. Hey, what the fuck? That's not fair. I just made the effort to clean and it comes back? Damned floaty nose nipping sneeze making non-rules- following Norwegian commie dust anyhow. So I dusted again, this time opening the doors and windows wide, thinking it might float out. But I think the outside dust came in to mate with the inside dust and make baby dust.


What do I do now? Have I reached dust maximum density? Did I break a housekeeping rule and the dust has reached a no-containment zone? Do I have Mr. Creosote dust? Did I give it that wafer thin mint and there is no going back now?

Mom? Damn you and your dust free house. You had hopes for my life and raised me in a spotless lovely home, and look at me now. A dusty, sneezing wild haired daughter, madly battling microscopic dust motes and cursing like a sailor.

Fuck it, I'm a better blogger anyhow. I quit. Dust, have your way with me, I'm your bitch.

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