Blast! Hell! Tarnation!!!!

There is a conspiracy afoot.

There I am noodling about on the web and I see a link on Vivi's website for Eddie Izzard's website. I adore Eddie Izzard. He's hilarious and so bloody intelligent, it rocks my world. Plus, that man does eyeliner way better than I ever could.

So I wander over to his website out of curiosity and see this. Extra dates for Scandinavia? This SUNDAY in Oslo? Fuck yeah I am SO buying tickets.

I immediately call the box office and stay on hold for like, ever, and when I finally get thru, the girl who answers tells me there are two tickets left. I think "Yeay! Finally I get tickets to something!" I tell her to book them. And feel lucky that she has two standing-room only tickets left.

For you see, in Oslo, if you don't get tickets to anything you want to see within MINUTES of them going on sale, forget it, you ain't gonna go. I don't care if it is Grease Five: The Golden Years, Hand Jive In Wheelchairs, the tickets are guaranteed to be sold out. It's amazing how fast it happens, and considering that this AIN'T that big a town, where the hell do all the tickets go so fast? I think everyone is just starved for things to do here, honestly I do. Do these people just stay there by the phone waiting to call for tickets every damned day? And is it only the same damn people with the fast fingers who get the tickets in the first place? And can I please have them rubbed out, Guido? You call your guys, I'll keep the engine running. The trunk's open.

So here I am, totally psyched that these tickets are available. Then I hear "Oh. I'm sorry." And I'm like, "You're sorry WHAT? WHAT are you sorry about?" And she says "Those tickets just sold".
Now? Those tickets sold between when I said "Hell yes I will take them" and her pushing the "Sold" button on the computer????? What fucking monkey spanking sack licking asswipe got in there so fast that they took MY TICKETS TO EDDIE IZZARD AWAY FROM ME????????

That's it, it's time for the heavy artillery. Yep, you heard me. I'm gonna go talk to the Man.

I have small hope. The girl said she'd call me tomorrow if anything comes open. I gave her every phone number I could think of, and some that I didn't even knew I remembered. Including yours....so if a Norwegian woman calls you about tickets for Eddie Izzard, just give her your credit card details and I will pay you back ASAP, ok?