Thursday, May 22, 2008

spectacular lack of hand eye coordination, or, things come in threes

Before I tell you this story, I want to point out some things:

1) It was 5am
2) I think I was still drunk
3) I was definitely still asleep, and....
4) My eyes were closed.

That said...

I woke up at 5am with unendurable thirst. I was SO thirsty it was crazy. This, even though I drank two large glasses of water before I went to bed.

As I am pretty blind without my glasses, when I go to bed I set up my nightstand with what I think I might need in the night. This always includes a glass of water. I put it within close reach so when I have my nighttime thirsties, I can just reach over and grab the glass without looking for it or, if I am lucky, opening my eyes. Opening my eyes in the night means I am awakened, but if I can keep them closed I am reasonably assured of getting back to sleep quickly. (I do this, too, when I go to the bathroom. I am an expert at middle of the night peeing blind.)

Ok, so anyhow, 5am. Thirsty. Possibly still drunk. Grab glass. (The glass, as this is germaine to the story, is a tall cylindrical plastic one. Probably 10 or so inches tall.)

Grab glass. It's full of cool clear water. Bring glass to face. Miss mouth entirely, hit forehead with glass and douse own face and chest with cool, clear water. Wake up sputtering and wondering what the hell happened.

(What happened was I grabbed the bottom of the glass instead of the top, thus causing a severe mis-tilt as the mouth of it was higher than I thought and so I hit my forehead instead of mouth with the top of the glass. I did not know this was possible. This is also a lesson in why I might want to open my eyes from now on when having my night thirsties.)

I did finally manage to find the correct facial aperture and drink the remaining water. My side of the bed was pretty wet, though. Not that I cared, I was too tired to worry about it. I fell back asleep immediately, if moist.

I'm hoping this is the end of Dork Week.

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