DAMMIT I hate to miss a party

Me in Orleans, France. A trip I took with my family in late 2002. I will party anywhere, with anyone, and come from a long line of happy drunks.

One thing about me is that I am a social kinda gal. Back in Austin I was kind of the den mother of a largish group of folks, always planning some sort of gathering or other to make sure all the chickies are happy, chatting and drinking. Sometimes I plan things here, too, but not as frequently as I did at home due to expense and problems with transport. I frequently get Evites for parties back home, which is bittersweet, as 1) I am so glad I am still on the lists but 2) really annoyed I can't join 90% of the time.

Then Dave posts about this TequilaCon gathering and I just get all jealous cuz it for damn sure seems like I missed a good party. I HATE missing a good party. Grrr.....

I think I am going to post party pictures from past gatherings. Just to remind myself that I can get my freak on when I want.

A Halloween party Chez Karla in Austin. I hosted that annual party for years, and people really went nuts dressing up. this is my favorite picture from many years of parties.

This is me at New Year's this year. Singing karaoke at the neighbors, and might I say I sang the SHIT out of the Police's Roxanne.

A quieter party at Mama Malcontent's ranch in the hill country of Texas. Those are magical times; good friends, campfires, beer-a- plenty and stars so numerous you can almost read by them. When I think of home and friends my thoughts frequently go here.

This was in 2000 or so, at the now defunct Waterloo Brewing Company in Austin. We'd meet weekly for pint nights on Wednesdays. Damn I miss that place. That's Craig, Clark and Alan in horrible fluorescent light.

A Halloween party here in Norway. Lesley is the witch, Rich is Cher and I am Sonny.

Rich and I in Copenhagen. I like big beers.

Me as a 20's screen siren and Julia as...me! Halloween 2001.

Me and Bookhart. This is Halloween, jeez, 1998? She's a hippy and I'm in a sari.

Me and Bookhart, she's Madonna.

Me and Bookhart and Craig at Opal Divine's in Austin. I just posted this because I like this picture of me. I'm pretty sure this was someone's birthday? But I don't remember who.

Sigh. I miss my buddies. But that could be the wine talking.

Age and Loneliness

On Friday night we usually go to the local pub to meet up with some of Rich's work buddies, a good, funny group of guys who I enjoy talking and verbally sparring with. Witty jibes fly around and hijinks ensue. There is always too much beer, loud talking and general TGIF silliness.

This time at the pub a rock band played. (Frequently they will have trad jazz bands, which don't get me wrong, they are musically amazing, but it's music from the 40's and so on, so it draws a definitely older skewing crowd. This tends to put a little damper on our evenings of letting off steam, as I, for one, feel like I have to behave a bit better when Oma and Opa are in the house. I am not a huge fan of jazz, though like I have said, they are stunningly talented and so I can appreciate it for that.)
The band that played on Friday reminded me of that band in the Commitments, remember that movie, where this normal looking guy suddenly just BELTS out songs in a voice that has to be heard to be believed? Yeah, they were like that. He could sing anything, even Soundgarden and hairbands, blues, whatever, he could sing it. He sang one song (I can't remember which one right now) that was a quintessential 80's head banger song. And I, with this hair, and a few beers in me, proceeded to head bang.

Which was my first mistake. Because my neck is now fucked up and I can hardly move it. Ironically, even as I was doing it, throwing my hair around and having a high old time, I told someone that I was gonna regret this later, as I have about a three bang limit before my neck remembers the hurt for days. And so my premonition came true. Ow. Getting old sucks.

Rich left to go to the States today. And I am quietly freaking. He used to travel alot for work, to the point where I got used to him being gone (and that did NOT do good things for our marriage, let me tell you, and we are STILL working on being a couple and being together all the time. We both became way too independent over 10 years of separateness.). Anyhow, I think we might have turned that corner of coupledom, because it feels WIERD being here alone. I'm restless and a bit antsy. So I started cleaning. So far I've:

• cleaned his bathroom (and decided that our "self bathroom management" routine is gonna stop, because that boy obviously does NOT clean his bathroom), (ew),(and in Todays' Dumbass Move I accidentally turned on the shower while standing in it cleaning it, thus soaking myself with cold water and getting a short sharp reminder of what a dork I actually am),
  

• reorganised the linen closet,

• reorganized the "junk room" (a never used sauna in the flat),

• cleaned my room and reorganized my socks, (a big job, I have lots, which is strange for someone who dislikes socks),

• scrubbed the kitchen, and the trashcan and took out the garbage (!!!)(I generally don't do garbage)(ever),
  

• rekitted the bed (using linens that he has professed a dislike for but that I love, so I can use them while he's gone nyah nyah)(now the bed's all black sheets and red and black duvet and with leopard spotted pillows, grrr...),

• cleaned my bathroom,
  

• done 5 loads of laundry,

all while dancing to my favorite stuff on the iPod cranked to ear splitting levels, something I can't do while he's here because he is not that fond of my music. (He likes "calm" music, I like ass kickin' music.)

Thank GOD I've planned the trip to London while he's gone. And I've also been invited to go to the company hytte (cabin in the woods) for a couple of nights, to do the traditional Norwegian "get out of town and into mountainous nature" thing. I've never done it, always wanted to, even though the hytte doesn't have running water and has an "incinerator toilet". I have no idea what an incinerator toilet is, but I am envisioning ass-burning flames shooting up from it as it nukes whatever you might deposit therein. Like you are crapping into the mouth of hell......
Anyhow, the plan is to cross country ski in easy stages (which is good, as guess who has also never skied??) sit in the sun and eat oranges and drink hot chocolate (oranges being an Easter thing, I'm told, and hot chocolate being, well, hot chocolate). In the evenings you light a fire, read, drink and chat. I think we have margaritas and cosmos in our future. (Remind self to get Cointreau at duty free.) Sounds lovely, doesn't it?

I don't know that I could be here in this flat for two weeks and be this restless. I'm so glad I have things planned. I seriously see myself rearranging all the furniture, bare handed, if I don't have things to occupy me. I've done it before, you know.

I used to be really good at being alone. Hmm.

women

Happy International Woman's Day!

No I had no idea it was a holiday, either. Until I got to work and the ladies who run the canteen came up to every floor and offered all us womens little chocolate covered eclaires as a gifty. ("No boys!", they giggled. And our business is very man-centric, so there were plenty of eclaires for us gals, none of which we shared with those stinky old boys.) I am not one to ever turn down a pastry, so I am now officially in favor of International Woman's Day. But, being the pastry whore I am, if tomorrow was International Smelly Boys Day, I'd eat eclaires in favor of that, too.

In another, different celebration of women, Austin this week lost one more reason why it is such a unique city. Stella Boes died. No she's not famous, but she was unique and I for one, will miss yet another thing that made Austin my Home Wierd Sweet Home.

Some friends of mine have a band and play fairly frequently at the Carousel Lounge in Austin. Stella was always there, always joyous, and you knew it was a good song if she danced. And she danced alot. She was this funny eccentric old lady who just loved the hell out of life and loved hanging out with whoever showed up at the bar. She added a certain funky joi de vive to every occasion. I for one, saw her as a vision of who I might want to be when I got old.

I didn't know her well, and only got to dance with her a few times, but Stella, where ever you are, you keep boogyin' on, you hear?

The Irish made me do it

Damn those Irish. They made me sing karaoke last night.

The people who live across the hall from us, she's Irish, he's Norwegian. Her family was visiting from Ireland (mother father brother and sister in law), and they were having a NYE party. With karaoke. We all know my feelings about karaoke...it's one of those no no's I always swear I won't do. Actually, though, it was pretty good karaoke, through a Playstation, so it was the original music and with the original video and you sang along with the singer, which totally helps you stay on target. AND it also scored you and you could competitively sing against another person. And it was 80's music. Which I like. Duh.....

Let's just say, this girl can sing a raunchy Roxanne. More a la "Moulin Rouge" than the Sting version. I made the Irish dance and holler, and was referred to as a "super star" and also as a "prime article". I think that last one is good.

It was fun. We blended our little NYE gathering with theirs and it became a good ol' drunk fest. We drank ALOT of champagne (some of which we bought in Tallinn, on another night when we were drunk, which explains why that one bottle of champagne was SO DAMNED expensive.....though it seemed reasonable at the time. It WAS good, though.) The fireworks were really wonderful, especially considering it was raining, sleeting and foggy. We ice skated on the deck for a bit in our shoes. Hey, we were drunk and it seemed a good idea at the time.

For our party I managed to pull together a fairly decent spread of munchies. This is made more impressive, to me, by the fact that we had not done any grocery shopping since before Christmas and no shops were open when we got back from Tallinn yesterday afternoon, so I basically had to create a party spread from whatever I had on hand. This turned out to be hummous with "toast points" (ok, so it was slightly stale bread that I toasted the hell out of in the oven), cheese cubes (diced cheese from the Gouda and other cheeses we had on hand), a 7 layer dip, variety of chips and nuts and chocolates and stuff, plus a fruit salad brought by Martin and Aime and a yummy plate of onion bahjis and chicken wings brought by Will and Mary. Plus Grant brought me a pint o' wee heavy from Scotland that I did not share with anyone and some amazing whiskey fudge, plus some Dalwhinnie scotch for Rich. It's always a good idea to be friends with someone from Scotland if you like Scotch whiskey or beer. The relationship is beneficial.

This morning there was the inevitable exchange of switched wine glasses from our neighbor's flat to ours, a gathering of misplaced clothing (jackets, sweaters, shoes, etc.) and a cheesy eggy bacony breakfast served to our two overnight guests, Martin and his daughter Aime, who, since the party was still going at 3am, decided to just crash here rather than face the cab ride home. They are brave souls, as we don't actually have guest facilities and so one got the floor and the other got the sofa. But at 3:30 am, who really cares WHERE they sleep as long as they do so......Aime and Martin left around 1pm.

It's now 2:30 and we are still in our jammies and have no intentions of changing out of them.

I'm recharging camera batteries, then will offload my pics from Tallinn and try to post some here today, the internet willing. It's been slow all day.....

Northern lights...no. Aquavit? Hell yeah.

So...bad news....I didn't see the northern lights. Nota hint, not a sign, not a mere wisp. Nada, nuthin. It was a clear and cold night, but there weren't nuthin' happening of a magnetic, light show, freaky sort of nature. I checked. Muchly.

Damn.

I DID, however, get to join in on a true, real, honest to God traditional Norwegian Julebord, and it was an awful lot of fun.

Our building's yearly Julebord is a joint effort, coordinated by the building committee and joined in by the whole residency. We all sign up for something to bring and gather at one person's flat for pre-drinks and another for the dinner. So we had martinis at this one woman's flat (gin! Ack! I haven't had gin since 1989...it hurt me badly) as an apertif and hung out there for an hour, then up to the other flat (our neighbors across the way) for the dinner.

If you didn't know already, when Norwegians gather for a party, they PARTY. So after the gin (ACK!) we had wine, beer, aquavit and cognac. Oh, yeah, and for food? Let's see...there was pinekjott, sausage, sausage, mashed turnips (yum! my first time and they were good!), potatoes, and some other stuff. I brought a dessert, chocolate cake from a very traditional Southern American recipe. I think it confused everyone by its very chocolatyness (and the pound of butter it calls for) but they all ate it and seemed to like it. Hey, it's chocolate, not many people turn down warm gooey chocolate.....

The closest I can describe pinekjott is lamb spareribs. It's a very traditional Norwegian holiday fare, and pretty good. Thankfully, lutefisk was not on the menu....I smelled it once and know I could not ever eat it. There are some traditional Norwegian foods that I am pretty sure you just have to grow up with in order to like...luckily pinekjott is not one of them.

Anyhow we chowed on the food and our host poured me generous amounts of aquavit, which, luckily I also like. I generally tend to like any herb liquor...ramazotti, aquavit, slivovice, schnapps,etc. You are supposed to drink aquavit with most traditional Norwegian meals, as the food is fairly heavy and can be greasy, so the liquor is supposed to cut the grease and help your tummy along. In the old days it also protected against food poisoning by killing any bad germs. The Aquavit went down easily, as did the wine and the beer.

Everyone there was very nice about using English when they thought we might need a little extra help, but I acquitted my self fairly well with my Norwegian, even joining in some word games and such. Rich did well, too, and managed to use the one word he knows well, "Takk!" as his word in the alphabetical word game, getting a big laugh at his short, yet precise answer.

In between all this hilarity, I did manage to drink some water and take a few breaks with the booze, and so am proud to say I am not hurting much today. It might get me a little later (I get delayed onset hangovers now, they hit around 2pm) but I think i've escaped it for the most part.

So, I may have missed out on the northern lights, but it does not mean I had a dark night, by any stretch of the imagination.

SKOL!

nice day for me, not so much for Julia

Eventful days this week, people, eventful days.

Last night I met my niece Bethany for dinner at Austin Land and Cattle. I think I have mentioned that place before, but let me just remind you....if you like steak, and want it cooked to perfection, there is no other choice in Austin. This is the best steak in the world. AND they have the famous Shiner Bock Battered Mushrooms. Like, I don't think I could choose between the two. Luckily I don't have to and I get both. Heaven. That and a rocks margarita with Couintreau and I am a happy omnivorous gal. Bethany, my niece, is like me in her steak eating preferences and I am proud to report we both completely ignored the spinach that came with it. EW. I am always so impressed by Bethany. That girl has got her shit together and is a hoot to boot. Smart, funny acerbic and great to talk to. She's so far ahead of how how I was at that age....compared to her, I was a rank idiot. Rock on Miss B!

This morning I got up early (well, it felt early, anyhow, after the steak and margaritas...c'mon, when it's that good ya gotta have two!) and met Amamgets (see her blog to the left) at Mozarts for coffee. Can I just say how AWESOME she is? She drives a GIANT Suburban, but on it she has a bumper sticker that says "Draft all SUV drivers". Seriously, how can you not love someone with a sense of humor like that? She's totally cool and I hope to get to know her better whenever I get the hell home, which honestly better be SOON because I heart Austin, y'all.

After coffee with Amamgets, I met Bookhart for lunch at Chuy's where I had my usual Shrimp Tacos and she had her Chicken Sopapilla with the ranchero sauce on the side and traditional Mexican rice, not the hatch chile stuff. Yes, we always order the same, for years now, and I also always get a regular big ol' Coke, she gets Diet. I love that tradition, and a visit to Austin would feel incomplete without it. We have been going to Chuy's for almost 20 years now.

After lunch I dropped her back off at the office, picked up my contacts, did some shopping and got to see Karla May and Jaye for a brief visit. I also got totally insulted at Whole Foods when this random guy in the vitamin aisle asked if a girl in that aisle and I were related and said we looked alike. I looked at her, she was standing right behind me, age around 25-30, and then he asked if I WAS HER MOTHER!!!!!!! This girl who I had never seen before and just happened to be in the same aisle as me....was I HER FUCKING MOTHER!!!!!! All I could do was harumph and hmmph and growl and I left that aisle in high dudgeon. Asshole, asshole of the first nature. I DO NOT LOOK OLD ENOUGH TO BE HER MOTHER! That was the only sucky part of the day, for me.

After that I went to Shepler's Weatern Store to pick up some Levi's for our friend Martin back in Norway. There is not much that's more fun or truly Texan than shopping at a Western store. Boots of every color, strange women's clothes with bedazzling all over them, helpful workers in tight Wranglers, ropers and cowboy hats who lead you through the store and find exactly what you want, all the while calling you "Ma'am", and everyone y'allin' up a storm, that's MY idea of Texas shopping fun.

I got back to take a nap. Heather was not here. I figured she was at baby yoga or something.

Nope. Turns out she was in the emergency room with Julia, who got in a wreck this afternoon. She's ok, just banged up a bit, but her car is toast. Heather called just a few minutes ago. Poor Julia. She is a really good driver, so whatever happened is pretty much guaranteed to be the other person's fault.

They will be home soon, I should go straighten something or get some ice together or something. SOMETHING to be useful......

post beer day two blog post

Two nights out down, one to go. last night and tonight are the biggies...last night was Austin Blog Babes gathering and then to the Carousel for the Dentones. Tonight is Mag's Drunken Karaoke Birthday fest (yes dear, you ARE NOW 37...face it).

I'm still scared by my alcohol overload of the other weekend. I mean, seriously, it has me looking at alcohol with leary eye and a doubting mind.

Anyhow, I started off pretty slow at Opal's last night, as the blogging gals got together and talked gal stuff. (Note, I was the ONLY one there that was not a mother, though, bless them all, they never ever make me feel less of a person or even that i am missing out on something. They are all just glad to escape the kids for a night, and i am glad to be there with them and maybe, just a teensy bit, be that bad influence friennd, the one who says things like "Oh just ONE more beer can't hurt". I just don't have to much to add to the mix in terms of discussions of baby poop viscocity, texture, color or smell....and that's kind of ok in my mind. I could talk about my own, I suppose, but grown up poop is no where NEAR as interesting as baby poop.) Anyhow, we talked. We laughed. We sorority girl screamed (you know...OHMYGAWD!). Badger looked particularly fetching in her tight jeans tucked into stiletto boots. Girlfriend, you gots a mighty cute ass.

AFter that on to see the Dentones at the Carousel. Everyone should go to a place like the Carousel once in their lives. It's Austin funky supreme. The entire decor is based on a Carousel, with animals and circus themes all around. There is a giant elephant painted directly behind the stage, with a 3d snout. They don't do mixed drinks but you can get a set up there and byob. Beer is cheap. And they have Stella, the dancing barmaid, who's been there for like 50 years but still gets her groove on with the bands. She's awesome.

The band played the P-furs "I'll Melt with You" (though they are not a cover band) so all us gals got up and did our 80's dances. I am rather proficient at the Molly Ringwald myself.

We all got hit on at the Carousel by a young Puerto Rican guy named, of all things, Egil. Yes, a Norwegian name for a Puerto Rican with a Spanish father. Anyhow, he was all over each of us in turn, but in a funny way, not a handsy way, and we all kind of fucked with him and told him we were like, 46 years old. Karla May embellished with tales of boob lifts, face lifts and knee replacements given her by her rich asshole exhusband, who left her anyways for a 23 year old floozy bitch who shall remain nameless (maybe because we were all laughing so hard she couldn't think up a name). One friend (Kristen) told him she was 50, and he was all "DAMN! Jou look GOOOd for feefty". Jes, Jes she do look good for feefty......He told me I had "byooteeful leeeps" and that I am a "beyooteeful ladeee with a beeyooteeful spirit". Thanks dude!

I managed to remain fairly hurt-bucket free, thanks to judicious beer monitoring and lots of water in between times. I spent the night at Karla May's and we had some very intense discussions of various things (damn she's amazing, how'd I luck out in getting her for a ffriend?) and then we pigged OUT on Mexican food for lunch.

Tonight I will muster up courage and cleavage for the Karaoke extravaganza, but you can pretty much bet on it this gal AIN'T singing.....

0 for three

We are now 0 for three on making Griff cry. I think he feels my nervousness. I even look at him and hil little mouth curls in rage. Maybe he really DOES sense my evil nature. Damn. (My evilness does not go in the direction of hurting anyone, by the way. I am pacifist evil. My evil runs more towards innuendo and saucy wisecracks. Small attempts at totalitarian domination. Naughty laughter and humorous fart jokes. Hey, that's EVIL, believe me.) Funny how a two month old creature that can't even really focus his eyes yet rules a household completely. As I am the godmother and will have to hold him at SOME point at his baptism, I am not sure what to do. Wear earplugs?

Um...also, is it a problem that I will be a godmother that doesn't really believe in God? Just wondering. Cuz, you know.

I'm on the deck at Mozart's coffeehouse in Beautiful West Austin on a glorious breezy day. Just cool enough for a sweater, but the sun shines so you stay warm. It bounces off Lake Austin and sparkles in my eyes.

AAACK! BIRDS! Attacking! ME!

A guy just walked away from his VERY yummy looking cake and the grackles attacked it in seconds. Unfortunately I am at the table next to him and grackles totally wierd me out. No amount of waving and shooshing will make them fuck off farther than the radius of my frenzied waves. Their beady little yellow eyes stare and scritchy scratchy feet scramble madly about as they attack his cake. Ew...the cake is red and now they look like they have blood on their beaks.

GAACK! Run away! Run away!

I have an appointment to get my hairs (all 4 million of them) cut at 3pm at Sage Salon. Tomorrow I will go to the eye doctor and get that all checked out...and try to get some contact lenses again, to prove to the world that yes, I have eyes and they are actually quite nice when not hidden behind mondo-trendoid Brit Glasses.

Today I met Bookhart for lunch and she is sporting the most KICK ASS haircut and color I have EVER seen her in...and believe me, I have seen her with every hair color known to man (and some that aren't) and haircuts to boot. She looks AWESOME. Annie Lennox sexie lady confident glam. You GO girl. I'm tempted to do something equally drastic and fabulous, but I do not have her perfectly shaped head...mine is sort of squashed in the back or something. I dunno. I think I have so much hair merely as a way to hide my squashy head. I bet I have moles, too.

OK, altogether, now...1..2..3...EEEWWW!

I make babies cry

I've picked up my godson Griffin twice now. And twice he has FREAKED out. I mean full on SCREAMING.

The kid is giving me a complex. Do I smell bad? Do I have a natural Anti-baby scent? Does he think I will hurt him? Did I squish him?

Oy. I am not good with kids. At least, not until they are like, 6. From 6 until 13 they think I am the coolest thing ever. After that I become wierd in their eyes and I fear it remains so for the rest of their lives. That's ok, I get 7 golden years out of the deal, I'm happy for that.

Rich got home ok after a 5 hour delay on his flight out of Houston. Apparently they took off and then emergency landed as there was something wrong with the plane. Scared the crap out of everyone. They had to replace a part which took a few hours. He had 20 minutes to make his connection in Newark. He is a tired bunny. And stressed.

Today I got to go out to the new outlets north of town with Badger. They had everything I wanted including a Coach outlet. Joy. The wind was gusting something fierce and it was pretty dead out there, as the new IKEA was opening and apparently all of central Texas was there for it. I don't know about you, but camping out to get into an IKEA store first is NOT my idea of fun. Like Badger said, I'll wait til January.

Uh oh. Girffin looked at me. He's about to holler. I think he hates me.....

The reunion and curtain demolition, plus a scheduling clusterfuck

I spent the day today removing absolutely heinous curtains from my brother's new house. I mean, he had HUGE poofy curtains in shades of pink and green billowing all over his house....a remnant from the over decorated 80's. It took me two hours and a power drill to remove them, but those light sucking dustbags are now GONE and his house already looks lighter. Score one for the girl addicted to light.

Why was I in Houston today instead of Austin, you ask? Why, because there was a fuck up with Rich's flight and he got rescheduled for tomorrow, which he found out only after I had dropped him off and was on the way to Austin and he called me in a panic......then, we found out that his flight tomorrow is NOT at the same time as it should have been today, but over an hour earlier.....and they never told us, we just sort of found out by accident, when he checked on line. Uh..Continental? Maybe you could let us know when you make flights earlier? Thanks.

So, the reunion. It was fun. What I remember of it. Anne and Nick (Anne I have known since 7th grade and Nick is her husband, I was a bridesmaid at their Big Fat Greek Wedding) got a room at the hotel so we met up in their room for a pre-reunion drinky. Nick handed me a 'something with vodka', and for the rest of the night I was not without a 'something with vodka' in my hand at all times. And vodka, for me, goes down smooth and gives me a pleasant, not overwhelming buzz.

So I was a happy girl at the reunion. It was pretty much has I expected...a bunch of people that I never spent much time with in high school mixed in with some that I had known since kindergarten, a few early life crushes, and some I didn't recognize at all. Anne looked exactly the same, people tell me I do too, and a few other gals looked the same as well. Alot of the guys looked well, middle aged. It was strange. I felt a bit disjointed, all told.

But I was also pretty drunk. Anne and I ended up arm wrestling. That bitch is STRONG. She beat me, but I had an arm cramp. She's so toast next time we arm wrestle. I'm doing a Rocky and getting in shape. It's funny how I only get to see her, like, once or twice a yearr, but it's like we just saw each other yesterday.......we just GET each other. And Nick is the consummate good guy and perfect host.

Anyhow, after the reunion Nick got us a stretch limo (can you believe I had never been in one?) and we went to their club in the Montrose area and danced to a band called Molly and The Ringwalds....they were an awesome 80's band. After a bit of craziness there we then went to their other bar downtown.....and I think I felt up the bartender. (Long story, but she has nice boobs, you really could not tell they weren't real.) Anne told me she hired her in large part because her feet reminded Anne of mine. I mean, really, a friend who remembers your feet and hires people based on similarities therein is a friend you should keep. Goofy and hilarious.......

Rich didn't come with us to the bar because he was too drunk and too tired. He stayed in the room and listened to Johnny Cash and got emotional. Never ever listen to Cash when drunk. It'll get you. Heed my warning.

Next morning? Oh my GOD. I wanted to die. Death would have been too good. I hurled ALL DAY. I could not eat. And every time I tried to take an Advil or something, I would hurl it up, so t he headache never went away either. We went for Mexican food, which I had been craving for weeks...and I could not eat a bite. I was SO annoyed. I could only watch and try not to make gagging noises.

Yesterday was a wash for me.....so I am really glad that Rich had an extra (mistaken) day here. so I could be a real person and we could have some time together before he went back to Norway.

Ok so we are now gonna go have some bbq......something for Rich to rememebr when he goes back.......

ahhh......

I'm in Texas. At a hotel. Using my own computer. It's so nice having my little Mac back....all my bookmarks and my email and oh, lookie, there's iPod restocking all its podcasts....I feel back in control again.

There's a kick ass lightning storm going on outside....so cool to see a good Texas storm. We are on the 16th floor so we are seeing it fairly close.

The flight in from Newark was fine, but Newark airport kind of sucks. Especially the check in for Continental. They make you use machines to check in, but there are people there, too, but they don't really do much to help with things that the machines won't. Just seems stupid. Why have the people AND the machines, when neither seems much of a benefit? I mean, if the people can't help with special stuff, like, say, seating for extremely tall husbands, why have them? Why not just put up signs that say "We only have the machines. Special requests? Sorry, you're fucked", remove the surly people, and save their salary money for things like, oh I dunno, FOOD on the plane maybe? 4 hour flight and we got pretzels.....that's all.

Oh well. Now I am in the posh hotel in Houston (they have foreign currency exchange here for Euros, Canadian dollars, Japanese Yen, Mexican pesos, and Saudi Riyals only) and am happy to have my computer back in working order. Woo!

Tomorrow we hope to hit the Galleria and meet up with Julia (my Norway friend who moved back here) and then I have to gussy up for the reunion......

With friends like these.....

Email I got today from my "dear friend" Karla May:

Subject: If you were a poodle.....



(Karla opens the email and snorts with laughter)






Text: ...you'd be THIS poodle.

With friends like these, who needs humility?

a little ranting, a little kvetching, and some dancing

I am endlessly entertained by the "readers respond" section of the Aftenposten. There's always something fun there. The first letter? About orange pee? In response to this article? Hilarious! And the second letter, by a guy named Gary Barrett? In response to this article? Well, let's just say he's my new hero, because if ONE MORE person shoves me, pushes me or cuts me off on the train to get the last seat even though I am OBVIOUSLY heading for it, I will go postal on someone's ass. Seriously, how hard is it to stand back and wait for people to get OFF the train before you get on? In England if someone behaved this way on the Tube they would get a right good telling off. So Gary Barrett? You rule. Really.

That was the rant.

Now for the kvetch:
I am wearing a sweater that is so itchy it is actually itching me through a whole other shirt. What the fuck? How can a sweater be sold that itches so bad that it goes through layers of clothes with its itchiness and scratchy nastiness? DAMN! And it's really cute, too, but I think I have to get rid of it. This is inSANE. I hate fall and having to cover up again. Summer was so nice. Just a tank top and off you go. I haven't itched in months. Damn. It's back to the season of scratch.

(karla removes sweater....aaaahhh.)(brr. now I'm cold.)

Now for the dancing. Every so often I hit iTunes to get me some more booty shakin' music, to help me motivate for the workouts and also, just to sort of keep up with the times. I mean, I'm aging here, folks, and gotta make an effort to keep up with the young un's. Though I fear what I buy is all still old person music.

Here's what I got yesterday:

Daft Punk, Technologic
Peaches, Tent In Your Pants
Goldfrapp, Strict Machine and Oh La La
Fischerspooner, Emerge (DFA Remix)
Scissor Sisters, Comfortably Numb
and, of course, the most recent episode of Project Runway. Is Vincent insane or what?

And in the other news that is making me dance, that I am not ranting about AND that does not make me itch or kvetch....to the left, there, that purple majestic dress in front? Ta Da!!!!! I found the dress for the reunion! Woo! WOO! It's by this Danish designer called Malene Birger, and it ROCKS, yo'. It's silk in this graphic print with purple, green and yellow, and it's got a full skirt and a tie waist and it sort of manages to be sexy yet covered up all at once. It has one button at the neck and then one at the waist, so the middle is open, but underneath it has a slip to wear under it so the girls don't do a J Lo and need to be taped down. Long sleeves with little cuff links. All floaty silk charmeuse. Cleavage, class and sass, aw yeah. AND it matches the yellow Coccinelle bag and shoes to perfection. I didn't want to wear yet another black dress...and DAMNED if I didn't find color! They have to special order it for me from Denmark because apparently this is THE dress of the season (trust me to pick the one thing that is hard to get) and all the size 42's in all of Oslo are sold out as it's running small. But there is one on the way to me (the lady who owns the shop really went out of her way for me, and I LOVE her) and judging by how the 40 fit, I am fairly certain it's gonna be perfection.

I'm psyched now......armed and ready. I've decided that the goal, here, is not to look 20 years younger, but to look 20 years BETTER. At least I feel better in my own skin than I did when I was 17.....

Also? Bookhart just posted some of the funniest links ever, all in one perfect linkylicious post on her blog. I am especially snorting coffee over the one about euphemisms for female masturbation, but all are equally hi-larious. Her blog constantly reminds me why I thought she was the coolest girl in the dorm when I met her in 1986. Fuck, dude, that's 20 years ago last month! I've known you more than half my life! LYLAS, beeyotch!

gauntlet thrown down

Mags (and sorry I cannot link...but for some reason, on my mom's computer? I can't link. However, look at my link list and there Mags is.) has thrown down the haiku gauntlet.

Thus I present: Haikus to the lower parts of my body.

Skinny jeans. Big ass.
Something here does not look right.
Ack! Crack escaping!

My knees are frowning.
They are 20 years ahead
And groan frequently.

I'm sure this mirror
Is a lying sack of shit.
My hips aren't that big.

My scale hates me too.
It's in league with the mirror
To mess with my head.

My waist is tiny.
My ass is bootylicious.
My thighs? There's the rub.

I throw the gauntlet at Bookhart. Wait, I mean I toss the gauntlet before her. I'd also like to see Bonnie throw out a few......And Amamgets. I bet you'd come up with something fun........

third time proud!

I am happy to announce that i am a god mother for the third time! (Not a god mother in the "godly" sense, mind you, but more in the "Oh, God, let the kid hang out with Aunt Karla, maybe she'll explain the birds and bees so we won't have to" sense. Hey, I take what I can get.)

Anyhow, Julia and Heather have had their son, Griffin, yesterday. Griffin weighed a bit over 9 lbs. Heather did end up having a caesarean, but for all intents and purposes, as I heard last night, mother and baby are doing well and Griffin already knows how to feed like a champ. Julia (my pal since I was five years old) is stunned, happy and already worrying about how to keep the germs and dirt out of the house and away from "the Griff".

I better learn how to play football...I'm gonna have to teach him or at least watch it with him.....the kid's gonna be a big 'un!

My other two godkids are Bookhart's Wonder Boy and Her Majesty......and prouder of them I just could not be.

The only thing better than being a godmother is being a grandmother, so I hear.......

Birthday fairy

I got a larger than normal haul of birthday cards on my birthday, and it seems the birthday fairy was at work.

Just wanted to tell everyone thank you for taking the time and energy to send me a card all the way out here to Norway. You know who you are, and just wanna say: THANKS!

I really appreciate it.

In other news, seems like summer (or shall we say "weather that is not cold") is hanging on here for dear life, and I also would like to give a shout out to the weather fairy for a glorious warm and sunny summer here in the North of the world. Summers like this are what summer is all about, and has done alot to restore my faith in Norway, a place that should be as beautiful as this all the time. When you live in a giant photo opp, it's only right that the weather cooperate.

Right. Now I am going to watch season two of Veronica Mars, that my dear friend Julia (late of Oslo, now in Houston) has sent me. I was willing to trade sexual favors for it, but she agreed to send it to me without either of us having to do anything we would regret. Nice to have wise and altruistic friends such as she. Also, neither of us is actually gay, and so sexual favors weren't much of a temptation for her. Or me. So it all worked out for the best. Even though she does have an Angelina Jolie quality about her......

Hi! I'm D. Runk.

Woo!

I had a couple of girlfriends over for dinner tonight and I am D. Runk.

Nice to meet you.

Woo!

Can you believe they had never heard Nine Inch Nails' "Closer To God"? Like, one of my top 5 favorite songs of all time? Well, of course I had to play that song for them with an itnerpretive belly dance. So we all interpreted that song with bellies. Dancing. Me and Mary are in the belly dance class together, and Lesley was the audience.

Goth Industrial Belly Dance. I totally think we've started a trend. I can see it now, wearing all black and shimmying to Trent Reznor. hey, it works. Try it. Sort of raunchy, but it works.

hey! My headache is gone!

Woo!

I have a feeling it will be back tomorrow. 3 girls + 4 bottles of wine = headache in the morning.
But right now I feel awful good. The girls left to go home, but I think my superpower ("Getting People DRunk Girl") prevails and Lesley was three sheets to the wind and on the way to Barfville. I feel a little bad about that, but my powers are strong.......there is no denying them.

Now i get to clean up the kitchen. Rob Zombie is good kitchen cleanign music. No, i have no idea what I am saying, either. I'm drunk, remember?

So, like, is typing really hard for you when you are drunk too? Dude, this is tough....

I will probably regret this tomorrow...in more ways than one.

Sole control

Rich is on a business trip and this means I get SOLE CONTROL of the remote.

Woo!

(Um, I mean, "Miss you honey".)

Right now on AMC (yes, for some reason we get AMC here) "Singin' In the Rain" is on. Is there any movie that is cheerier and funnier than "Singin' in the Rain"? I think not.

Well, maybe Auntie Mame. I am getting more and more Auntie Mame like as I get older. (And I mean Rosalind Russell's Auntie Mame, by the way.) Seriously, she was a really great character (and what a wardrobe!)and I think I could do alot worse than be like her.....now I just need to find my Patrick.

Tonight my friend Jennifer and I went out to dinner (she treated me for my birthday) and we met a guy who worked for the US Foreign Service. He tried to recruit me! (Me, he tried to recruit; Jennifer, he was hitting on.) He was all trying to get me to take the foreign service test and go for a job. He said they needed more 'smart people who know how to communicate'. I was like, Dude, I'd totally get keel hauled or something because I am WAY too outspoken, indiscreet and anti-gubmint. This was, of course, after my "Hi! You're American? Nice to meetya. I'm from Texas and I did not vote for GWB" speech. Yeah, I said that to a Foreign Service guy. Oops. And what was he saying about how they need diplomats? I'd be really good, wouldn't I? NOT.

We did tell him exactly what we thought about the Embassy here...hot HOT guards and very indifferent 'customer' service. So at least we got that point across. He seemed amenable to our opinions and even bought us drinks. So I'm thinking we did not piss him off that much. Cool guy though....been all over the world, twice.

Oh lordy, they will be watching me now, won't they?

TWO YEARS!

happy blogday to me! happy blogday to me! Happy BLOGDAY to meee-eeeee, happy blogday to me!


(The cake my Mom would have baked me had she been around today.)

It's been two years, people. TWO YEARS! (Well, officially the 17th, but that's a Saturday and no one seems to be around on Saturdays so I'm jumping the gun a day. I set up the blog on the 16th, though, but never got the courage to post until the 17th, so that sorta counts.)

Anyhow, I just wanna THANK you ALL for reading me and commenting and making me feel part of a community even though I am so far away. It's really amazing to me how I can still have my circle of friends no matter how separated we are. Some of you I've never even met face to face, but somehow, I think we will fix that someday. Seems there's airplanes that go EVERYWHERE!

Just when you are at your ebb....

....I am assuming "ebb" is the low point, right?

Anyhow, I have been in a funk for about two weeks now. The weather has been overcast and rainy and chilly, nothing is materializing with my "job", my energy is nonexistent. I look like crap, I'm tired and am frankly bored. I smell like eggs because I am forcing myself to eat two of them every morning in an affort to get into the breakfasting habit. (Urg, I don't like breakfast. At least, not FOR breakfast.) I think about making jewelry or starting that writing project that I keep thinking about, but I just don't feel that creative spark. Even blogging seems to be a big effort. I've been oddly stressed and slothful at the same time. I feel discombobulated and out of sorts.

I've been going for walks whenever the weather holds out long enough for me to get out there, and that usually perks me up. I listen to my podcasts and think about whatever pops into my head. It's usually very therapeutic. I went out today but I just couldn't get into it. I felt like I was heaving myself along the paths. So I gave up and went to the local shopping center. I tried some retail therapy and that did not work as there is nothing I really like or need or want, and what I would consider buying is either WAY too expensive or isn't cut right for my body. (I would KILL for a nice American mall at this point.)

Imagine how I felt, then, after a completely unproductive egg-smelling, energyless, nothing-fits-I -am-a-fat-cow day, when I checked the mailbox and found that Bookhart sent me a care package from the US! I burst into tears just seeing the notice. It was like Christmas coming suddenly on the worst day of your life. I pulled myself together enough to literally RUN to the post office to get my goodies:
NONE of it is diet food, it's all processed and colorful and bad for me and I thank her from every fiber of my being for sending it to me! I've been CRAVING Fruit Loops because my dish washing soap smells like them. She sends me sponges because the ones here are crappy foam rubber ones and they squeak and feel icky and I hate them. She sent me dried onions because they cost, like, $8 for a small bottle here. Kraft Mac and Cheese!!...'nuff said! Fruity Pebbles! Cherry Twizzlers! Cherry Sours! Big Red Gum! Taco and guac mix!

The best part, though, is the love. She sent me a big box of love. I'm verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves, I'll give you a topic.....