spam bastards

The fucking blog spammers have found my comments and are attempting to spam me into oblivion. I just spent 10 minutes removing spam comments.

I have thus replaced the moderating for the near future. I also have posted an IP block, so maybe that will help as well. So far the spamming is mainly from just two IP's.

Sorry for the inconvenience, but in order to keep this a spam free zone I have to act.

At least Haloscan doesn't use that word verification thing. I hate those....

attempting to post pictures

I'm doing my damndest to post pictures from the post world cup party in Italy, but blogger is being very uncooperative. Stay tuned......

google search wierdness

Oh my god, you guys!

I mean, I know I get the wierdest searches leading folks to my site, but wow...it's getting really fun now. In the past 100 visits alone, here are some of the wierder of the search terms leading people to Tales of a Texpatriate:

womanly under foot goo goo
penis beach
karla wonder (well, duh! Of course that would lead to you my site!)
womanly goodness
hanna small waist big tits
you touch my tra la la my ding ding dong
true glamour (I am sure they were disappointed when they got this from their search)
Loch ness monster (I get lots of these for my famous Loch Ness photos. I found Nessie, you see.)

And for some reason, I am getting ALOT of hits relating to Robbie Williams, specifically a photo of him that is not even posted on my site. I'm not sure what is going on. People image google Robbie Williams, and they find a pic of him in a kilt, that sends them to my site. Try it! You'll see! But that photo is not even on my site? What is up? Why is google sending them here?

TWO YEARS!

happy blogday to me! happy blogday to me! Happy BLOGDAY to meee-eeeee, happy blogday to me!


(The cake my Mom would have baked me had she been around today.)

It's been two years, people. TWO YEARS! (Well, officially the 17th, but that's a Saturday and no one seems to be around on Saturdays so I'm jumping the gun a day. I set up the blog on the 16th, though, but never got the courage to post until the 17th, so that sorta counts.)

Anyhow, I just wanna THANK you ALL for reading me and commenting and making me feel part of a community even though I am so far away. It's really amazing to me how I can still have my circle of friends no matter how separated we are. Some of you I've never even met face to face, but somehow, I think we will fix that someday. Seems there's airplanes that go EVERYWHERE!

In which I show I don't know nuthin' about nuthin'

I've updated some blog links in the sidebar. Unfortunately, in doing so, some fonts went bigger and some went smaller and I don't frigging know why. So, if you find the link to you being in little bitty print, it's NOT because I don't love you (and I am not being a Texan-ist) it's just I don't effing know HOW that happened. Methinks I need to take a web design course. And I bet this looks like shit in Internet Explorer, but as it almost pains me to even open that software now, I really never check. Anyone wanna help me make this blog look like a real blog and not like a badly managed Blogger template? Can work out trade and post you credit for your help.

Other news:

Haven't lost any weight at all. I've been walking and stuff, but apparently my newly aged metabolism is all about building me a little belly. THAT is not acceptable. Big ass, I can handle. Belly? No effing WAY. Will have to go to step two. Which I am not happy about. To that end: I can only have my mochchocolattayayas twice a week. No soft drinks, but if I am CRAVING one I can go get a small can of Coke but only if I walk to the farthest end of town for it. No drinking during the week. And (*weep*) I believe I will have to institute portion control. Hell and damnation.

Next week we are going to Milan. I tried, today, to book tickets to see The Last Supper, but the lady on the phone was very nice when she sort of snorted and said "Sorry! Nothing available until mid July!" Arg.

I didn't want to see that stinky old masterpiecce anyhow.

While in Milan I am going to get my hairs done somewhere fabulous, so that I can swish my head around when I get back and say I had my coif done in Milan. Sounds fab, no? Might also have my disastrous color fixed...I am sure if I tell them I want to be a like a Titian redhead they will understand? All fiery hair and flowing locks. That's what I will go for. ( Note to self: Must learn the Italian phrase for "Fiery hair and flowing locks". )

Then of course, there is the issue of what to pack for Milan. I must admit I have become fairly grubby when traveling, choosing comfort over style, but dammit, I wanna get back to my fashion girl roots in Milan. I'm thinking sleek black skirts and whimsical flats. Maybe a fun sundress or two, very La Dolce Vita. (Note to self: Find whimsical flats.) I am going to FLOAT down the streets of Milan in flowy skirts and trailing scarves. Rather like I did in Venice last June.

(Damn has it already been a year since Venice?) I loved the wardrobe I brought to Venice. I really hammed it up and I felt fabulous. It was so great to get out of jeans and the usual schmatta I normally wear. It was all about being romantic and putting in a little effort.

Besides, the flowy dresses? Hide the new tum-tum.

that's alot.

I wish I had a dollar for everyone who has read my blog.

Really.

flaccid

Sorry dudes.

I am just not in the blogging frame of mind these past couple of days. I've started the blog about the trip to London four times and quit each time. It's like I can't get my blog stiffy anymore.

Am I tired? Depressed? Just plain boring? I know I feel like lately there is more stuff I CAN'T say for fear of offending someone, whether husband (yes dear, you), family, Norwegians, Americans, Martians, that guy down in South America, whatever, than I can say. Everyone telling me not to write this, not to say that, quit taking the Lord's name in vain (which I am really very good at, by the way), be careful of this other thing. More people reading this than I ever dreamed of. Including some I'd rather didn't. And I think that's got me a little tongue tied right now. And I feel like I gotta be funny and cute and right now I don't feel very funny and cute. I pretty much wanna tell everyone to fuck off....and really, what fun is it to come to a blog where the writer is telling you to fuck off? You'd probably do so, and then what's the point of me writing?

I know, I know, fuck all those people who don't like what I say. I know I KNOW.

Problem is right now I'm not pleasing myself much either.

Maybe I'll get my blog-erection back later today....let's hope. Maybe I need some form of blogger's viagra.....Blogagra? Then I could marathon blog.....hmm....

it's faux war!

Dave has gotten on his faux high horse and called me to task for my wearing of faux fur.

While I see his faux point, I also think he ain't eaten til he's had a nice faux steak, cooked medium rare with a side of taters and faux gravy. It seems only natural to wear the skins of them, cuz you know, waste not, want not. Man that little faux in the cartoon looks YUMMY. I hear in some countries the eyes are a delicacy.

...and the winners are......

A while back I asked you for some of your favorite daily internet reads. I've been going through them, slowly, but surely. There are lots of them! And good ones too!

Here are some of my favorites, so far.

College Dating Diary
This one makes me glad I am not in college and doing that whole circuit anymore. However, she has a great way of writing and it's funny as hell. In her links I found this website:

Nigerian Scammers Turn Me On
This one cracks me up. It was a link on College Dating's blog, so I followed it and loved it. It's about Nigerian scammers. She set up a fake email and name, and made her address the Simpson's! Then she started replying to the Nigerian scammers who would email her. IT's best if you start from the beginning of her blog and work your way to present. She is a master of messing with heads, and my favorite was when she tried to introduce two scammers who were mailing her to each other, since their letters were so similar! Hilarious.


Miloflamingo
A woman in her late 40's early 50's, American, who married and Egyptian and is living there. Great viewpoints on Islam and being a permanent expat.

Joe My God.
Great one about an openly gay man in NYC.

Just A Little Guy
OK, you need to spend some time with this one and get used to the phraseologies. It's a bit twisted and only will appeal to certain senses of humor, of which mine is one.
The blog owner posts pictures of the CUTEST tiniest little baby animals and then writes some of the wierdest, sickest captions to go with them. This rocks my world. It's really wierd and totally funny.

Anonymous lawyer
Snarky, fake high-powered attorney. Read his post on Cheney. HAhAHahahahaha!

Stumbleupon
This is something you can install if you use Firefox, which, of course, I do as Internet Explorer sucks. Anyhow, Rich has started using it and is addicted to it, and it's really, really cool. I'll let you know how I get on with it. I've just installed it.

And now, off to the gym. Let's hope Stankman is not there today. Oy.

I'm bored

I am totally bored and have a major case of the blahs, which is sliding down into a depression. Hey, it happens at times and it IS winter and it IS ass cold out.

This is where you come in. Can you help me?

Part of my boredom is the fact that I check the same blogs and websites every day. I'm loyal. And while I adore my blog buddies and the websites I got to are super informative, I need new meat, people! New stuff! New entertainments! New stuff to see and giggle about and read.

So, if you read this post, would you leave a comment with a link to a website or blog that you check every day that you enjoy? It can be a news site (I don't want TOO political, I am fighting depression, after all), or a blog or a gossip thing or an arty thing or whatever. Whatever you check every day, that's on your must-list, that you think I might enjoy adding to my rotation.....

A big thanks from me to you......