What I learned about Norway

I think this merits another bullet point post. I like not having to write full sentences, worry about transitions or any other such grammatical bullshit. Anyhow, today I'm writing more about my skiing trip.

First of all, the below picture is of the hytte we stayed at.

• It didn't have running water.
• That kind of sucked.
  
• However, it kind of reminded me of the time I lived in Oklahoma (yes I did and SHUTUP it was only for about 16 months) and worked at a homestead museum and I had to teach kids how homestead people lived in the 1880's and one of the things I had to show was how people did the washing up and stuff, so once I put that in my head and pretended I was all "Little Hytte In the Mountains" and shit it wasn't so bad.
  
• Water is DAMNED heavy. Especially in 6 gallon containers.
  
• Hytter in general, are, however, very nice and cozy.
  
• Like, here is the fireplace:
  
  
  • 
• The fireplace was very nice and kept the place very warm.
• As did the wall heaters EVERYWHERE.
• So the hytte has no running water, but it's got electricity out the wazzoo.
• Strange, no?
  
• There were three bedrooms, each with bunk beds.
• The bunk beds were very narrow.
• And the walls were paper thin.
  
• This is NOT a house for sex.
  
• Unless you get down by the fireplace, of course.
• This did not happen when I was there. I don't do girls.
  
• None of the other girls do, either.
  
• The incinerator toilet was out of order.
  
• That really sucked, as we ended up having to use what I named "Nemesis".
  
• Below, a picture of Nemesis.
  
  

Nemesis, originally uploaded by karlakp.

• As a Texan, you are trained from birth to NEVER expose your bare white ass in a wooden shed, in the dark, with no light and no gun, flamethrower or industrial quantities of bug spray. Because something WILL bite it. Obviously, visiting Nemesis was an exercise in ignoring my every basic instinct and exposing my nethers to what I was positive was Certain Death or At Least Real Ickyness.
  
• I found out on Sunday that the other two women also sort of restricted their water intake so that they would not have to go visit Nemesis in the middle of the night. So I was not the only one. This also explained why we drank so much water in the mornings.
  
• I did, once, visit Nemesis at 4 am and was really worried about mooses, elks or evil snowy winter creatures attacking me.
• This did not happen.
• But my ass was damned cold.
• Oh, and you know the term "steaming piles of shit"?
  
• It's true.
  
• Based in fact.
  
• I do not have photographic proof (lucky y'all) but the image is burned in my brain forever.
  
• Ick.
• Nemesisses...(Nemesii?) aside, I really enjoyed the skiing.
  
• Great workout.
• Wish I'd done it sooner.
• Especially as after skiing you get to sit around, drink hot cocoa, shoot the shit about 'the great powder/the icy conditions/or whatever', and eat waffles.
  
• Waffles are the traditional snack in Norway, and let me tell you, they are AWESOME slathered with sour cream and strawberry jam.
  
• Seriously yummy.
• And well deserved after 5 km of adrenaline-washed, heart pounding, stark fearing Newbie skiing.
  
• But damned if I didn't do it.
  
• And did even better the second time! Go me!
• But oh my god did I hurt the next day. Total body workout, and I so felt it.
  
• And I liked it so much I bought poles for Nordic Walking, so that I can continue that sort of work out but without the ice, snow, boots, or increased chance of falling.
  
• Nordic Walking will be my New Sport.
  
• I don't care how silly it looks.
  

popped the cherry

Dudes, you are NOT gonna believe this.....

I went cross country skiing this weekend. And. I. Did. Not. Die.**

I am, however, sore in every part of my body and very, very tired. I promise pictures and a story or two about my Excellent Norwegian Adventure tomorrow.

**And I only fell a few times! They said I'm a natural!

they say public transportation can be a pain in the ass.....

...but this is getting a bit ridiculous.

It's also kind of scary.

Luckily I don't take buses, but I've been sitting on my purse on the train, just in case.

What IS it?

Ok, so there's this thing in the sky? And it's big, and glowy, but I can't look at it directly as it seems to be very bright and shiny. And it casts this freaky sort of warmth over everything, so that people and birds and dogs and everything that moves just wants to stand still in it or lie in it and feel it warm them.

It has totally taken over my office, to the point that while I love it? I can't actually see anything in my office as it's too bright and I am getting really hot, feeling a bit like I am a little cake in an office sized Easy Bake Oven. So I had to close the blinds and the bright thing sort of went away, though it kept trying to get in the cracks. I wasn't scared though. It seemed nice, even if it was a bit intrusive.

On the train ride home, I had to put on these strange looking dark glasses that shielded my eyes from the bright orb in the sky. It seemed to help me see better, yet still be warmed by the heat coming from it. I turned my face to it, gleaming through the window, so I could bask in it all the way home. Bliss.

I really feel like I have experienced this thing before, this glowing, glorious light, but for the life of me it's been so long I really could not tell you what it is or anything. Just that I like it. Lots.

I just hope it comes back really soon. Maybe tomorrow morning?

Age and Loneliness

On Friday night we usually go to the local pub to meet up with some of Rich's work buddies, a good, funny group of guys who I enjoy talking and verbally sparring with. Witty jibes fly around and hijinks ensue. There is always too much beer, loud talking and general TGIF silliness.

This time at the pub a rock band played. (Frequently they will have trad jazz bands, which don't get me wrong, they are musically amazing, but it's music from the 40's and so on, so it draws a definitely older skewing crowd. This tends to put a little damper on our evenings of letting off steam, as I, for one, feel like I have to behave a bit better when Oma and Opa are in the house. I am not a huge fan of jazz, though like I have said, they are stunningly talented and so I can appreciate it for that.)
The band that played on Friday reminded me of that band in the Commitments, remember that movie, where this normal looking guy suddenly just BELTS out songs in a voice that has to be heard to be believed? Yeah, they were like that. He could sing anything, even Soundgarden and hairbands, blues, whatever, he could sing it. He sang one song (I can't remember which one right now) that was a quintessential 80's head banger song. And I, with this hair, and a few beers in me, proceeded to head bang.

Which was my first mistake. Because my neck is now fucked up and I can hardly move it. Ironically, even as I was doing it, throwing my hair around and having a high old time, I told someone that I was gonna regret this later, as I have about a three bang limit before my neck remembers the hurt for days. And so my premonition came true. Ow. Getting old sucks.

Rich left to go to the States today. And I am quietly freaking. He used to travel alot for work, to the point where I got used to him being gone (and that did NOT do good things for our marriage, let me tell you, and we are STILL working on being a couple and being together all the time. We both became way too independent over 10 years of separateness.). Anyhow, I think we might have turned that corner of coupledom, because it feels WIERD being here alone. I'm restless and a bit antsy. So I started cleaning. So far I've:

• cleaned his bathroom (and decided that our "self bathroom management" routine is gonna stop, because that boy obviously does NOT clean his bathroom), (ew),(and in Todays' Dumbass Move I accidentally turned on the shower while standing in it cleaning it, thus soaking myself with cold water and getting a short sharp reminder of what a dork I actually am),
  

• reorganised the linen closet,

• reorganized the "junk room" (a never used sauna in the flat),

• cleaned my room and reorganized my socks, (a big job, I have lots, which is strange for someone who dislikes socks),

• scrubbed the kitchen, and the trashcan and took out the garbage (!!!)(I generally don't do garbage)(ever),
  

• rekitted the bed (using linens that he has professed a dislike for but that I love, so I can use them while he's gone nyah nyah)(now the bed's all black sheets and red and black duvet and with leopard spotted pillows, grrr...),

• cleaned my bathroom,
  

• done 5 loads of laundry,

all while dancing to my favorite stuff on the iPod cranked to ear splitting levels, something I can't do while he's here because he is not that fond of my music. (He likes "calm" music, I like ass kickin' music.)

Thank GOD I've planned the trip to London while he's gone. And I've also been invited to go to the company hytte (cabin in the woods) for a couple of nights, to do the traditional Norwegian "get out of town and into mountainous nature" thing. I've never done it, always wanted to, even though the hytte doesn't have running water and has an "incinerator toilet". I have no idea what an incinerator toilet is, but I am envisioning ass-burning flames shooting up from it as it nukes whatever you might deposit therein. Like you are crapping into the mouth of hell......
Anyhow, the plan is to cross country ski in easy stages (which is good, as guess who has also never skied??) sit in the sun and eat oranges and drink hot chocolate (oranges being an Easter thing, I'm told, and hot chocolate being, well, hot chocolate). In the evenings you light a fire, read, drink and chat. I think we have margaritas and cosmos in our future. (Remind self to get Cointreau at duty free.) Sounds lovely, doesn't it?

I don't know that I could be here in this flat for two weeks and be this restless. I'm so glad I have things planned. I seriously see myself rearranging all the furniture, bare handed, if I don't have things to occupy me. I've done it before, you know.

I used to be really good at being alone. Hmm.

heat wave!

It's gonna be minimum 30 degrees F warmer in Paris than here...at time 40 degrees!

I don't know if I should pack the swimsuit or not!

Maybe not...as it's 18F here now.....but it sure makes 48 seem like spring, don't it?


I'm getting my packing together and for this trip I am planning an all black and white pallet based on the awesome graphic damask prints that are out right now...people used to pay me to stencil those on their walls, and now they are freaking EVERYWHERE. My art was ahead of its time, what can I say?

Anyhow, as part of this fashion plan, I have re-acquainted myself with leggings. Yes, leggings. I always did love them, just not in the 80's way with just a big shirt over them. That looks lazy and like you forgot your pants. Oh no, I like them peeking out from under a dress with mary jane flats, or worn with a short skirt and boots. Or, as I have been doing lately, a sort of multi-level multi-layer thing with a lace-edged slip worn with another, shorter dress over that, all tightly belted. So that you have the legging going to the ankles, the slip to the knees and the dress three inches or so over that. I like the way it looks, for me at least. The key is to keep the colors (in my case, black, always black) simple and let the layering speak for itself.

And I am eyeing this awesome bag with a very similar print to the one in the picture, but it's in patent leather...how cool is that?

I mean, it's PARIS, and I must pay attention to my wardrobe, musn't I? One great thing about living in Scandinavia is that even though the fashions here tend to be very same-same, if you do want to experiment it's a great atmosphere for it. The chain stores do have small fashion forward collections that are at least a year ahead of the US. You just have to dig for them.....

snow snow so and so

It's been snowing for two days straight now.

I kind of like it. I have the blah's big time, and I like the silence and quiet of the snow. It forces contemplation. Hibernation. Solitude. It slows down the world and allows rest. (Unless you are a skier, which I am not.) It allows me to crawl into my hidey-hole and not come out. No excuse needed except.... "It's snowing. Blah." Snow is a great excuse for being a lazy, mopey "so and so". (So and so being an expression from my Omi, it was the worst thing she'd say about someone, "Oh, that So and so!")

So...blah. Someone tell me a funny story or something nice. I need it.

Also tell me ...do you title your blog posts first, or do you wait until after you have written it to title it? I find my titles usually change by the time I end the post as I go off on a tangent that was patently NOT addressed in the original title. Half the time i have no idea what i am going to write about until I'm writing. This also tends to be my approach to life, wing it and see what happens.

But right now, blah.

snow, buns and travel

It's getting cold outside. Winter is now here, finally. Earlier this week I ventured out in a skirt with no tights and a t-shirt and sweater, it was quite warm. Now the cold is coming back and according to the news, it's gonna be a doozy. Rrrgg.....

Last fall I gave away my two warmest coats because I thought we were going to move to Dubai. Occasionally, as now, I sort of regret doing that. But I still have my puffy full length parka that I call The Duvet. So not sexy, but I could sleep outside in it and be fine.

In other news, color me confused. I think I have mentioned my addiction to boller. Oh yummy, yummy yeasty goodness sweet buns. They come in two forms, with and without raisins. I prefer without. The ones with raisins always make me feel like there is a bug in my bun, y'know? All brown and lurking.....

So this morning, giving in to the craving (I have gone a week now without a boller, and it's been DAMNED hard, let me tell you) I went to get me a bun, and they only had the ones with raisins. Fine, fine, but when I asked if they had any without raisins, they said they were 'out of them' until tomorrow. Out of the ones without raisins? Until tomorrow? And yet they still make the ones with?

Um, can't they just make up a batch of the dough, but not put raisins in and poof they have boller without raisins? Does this seem strange to anyone else? How can they be out, when it is simpler to make the damn buns without the raisins anyhow? Of course, to suggest that to the baker, you get a look that says, "But these come with raisins. I don't have any without." I felt like I was talking to that guy in Spinal Tap who insisted his amp "Goes to 11".

Plus, I always notice that the ones without raisins sell much faster, yet they always make more with. What the hell is up with that?

Dammit, this annoys me. I make space in my day to indulge (after a week) my craving and I am thwarted by a dunder headed baker who can't just leave the raisins out?

And it still snows.....

I have had some folks ask me about upcoming travel. I mean, it HAS been a month or more since I've been anywhere, last trip was to Tallin at New Year's.

Obviously, January was a travel free month, bummer.

But, coming up, I've got three trips planned. These are all places I have been before, but two of them I have never been to with Rich, so that will be new.

We'll go to Paris for a late Valentine's day trip. I've never been to Paris with someone I could actually, um, make out with, so that will hopefully make it even more interesting than my other trips. Not, of course, that I did not enjoy those, just that now I have someone to mack on.

Rich will have to go to the US for some family stuff in March, so I will take a long weekend in London while he's gone. I've been needing some things from Boots and definitely need a pub visit, or three.

Then not long after that, we will go to Istanbul. I really think Rich will like it, alot, and I feel like I have unfinished business there and that there is so much more to see.

We also looked at Barcelona for a trip, as neither of us has been to Spain, but Oh. My. God. the hotels were so expensive.....so that might have to wait a little, like, after Easter when prices drop a bit. It's expensive to travel around Easter, a big holiday in Europe. Everyone leaves.

variety

I think "variety" sounds better than "random shit cuz I really don't know what to write".

Anyhow. I'll just write about the day I had today.

I found out today when calculating my travel expenses, etc, for work that I've accidentally been riding the train every day this week with an expired month card. If the train cops had caught me I would have had a good fine to pay. I totally didn't realize my card was expired...I can't believe a whole month went that fast, but it did and I was riding the rails outlaw style for the last three days of it! I'm SUCH a rebel. Speaking of the train ride, there's this damned woman on the train in the mornings who stares at me non stop. Everyone tends to get on the same car on the same train in the mornings (creatures of routine) and she ends up in mine. And she JUST STARES. I really wish she'd quit it. Luckily she only rides for one stop (it's an express train) but it's unnerving to have someone stare at you quite that intensely for a 7 minute period. If she does it again tomorrow I am SO gonna make a face at her. That will probably make her stare more, though.

Things are hopping along at work. I've got some projects going that I have no idea how to achieve, including redoing a web page using software I've never seen before. Not to mention that I really don't know HOW to do a web page, but never mind, life is all about the lessons learned, right? Right. We got a new coffee maker on our floor, which doesn't seem like all that big a deal, until you SEE the coffee maker. It grinds the beans in the machine for each serving, gives you a choice of espresso or coffee right out of the machine, lets you set not only cup size but also coffee strength, and has a setting for how hot you want your milk. It's freaking AWESOME. I'm enthralled with it. I'm so hopped up on coffee every day now that I might have to restrain myself to two cups a day and then just hang around and watch other people make their coffee.....

The staring train lady was not on the ride home, thank god. How come the train home always takes twice as long than the train to work, even if it's the exact same route? I always wonder about that. It seems ENDLESS, while the morning one isn't even enough time for me to listen to one podcast....

After work I ran errands, as usual. It's not icy on the main sidewalks, but if you venture off, you will fall on your ass.

The grocery store had entrecote (basically rib eye steak) for 98 kroners a kilo, which is like, a bit less than $7 a lb., so I bought up a supply of it. That's is a SCREAMING good deal. I have to cut it into steak sized pieces myself, but for that price I am willing to put up with strangely sized steaks, yo'. They don't have food specials often here, but when they do they are really good. I am waiting for the chicken sale.....

Home now. Making Rich cut up one of the entrecotes for dinner. We will have it with Italian red wine and some asparagus. We are on a vegetable kick. Meaning that, I try to have at least three veggies with dinner. Tonight is asparagus, a salad and corn. And mushrooms. Ich liebe mushrooms.

differences

I bet in the US there's lots of traffic as everyone runs around like mad things trying to do their last minute shopping. Traffic and commerce and stress.....

Here? Quiet. Quiet as anything. Everything closed by about 6 yesterday. NOTHING is open, and won't be until the 26th or the 27th, and the streets are empty. This morning I didn't hear a car go by on what is normally a very busy road for over an hour. We went for a walk this afternoon, and nobody was about, except for people going for walks and people going to church. The church was hopping; I think we went by right about time for the service. Like many Americans, most Norwegians only go to church at Christmas and Easter. Many people were visiting the graves of lost loved ones, carrying candles and small lanterns and pine boughs to place on the graves. A lot of women wore their bunads (traditional Norewegian dresses). They are so lovely, and I would love to have one, but they are decorated according to their regional differences, and I can't decide on what region I would get, as they are all so lovely. They are also crashingly expensive, they can cost upwards of $10,000. Which means the probability of my getting one is not high....

Some sort of wierd warm front came though last night and it was 10 degrees celcius here this morning. It cooled off as the day progressed, but this weather is just very strange. I didn't wear a coat on our walk, just a heavy sweater. Some of the fields are green and fresh looking, and there were buds on some of the bushes. I read the Austin paper online and they were saying it might freeze or snow there...it's like winter got turned upside down.

I have mixed up my boller dough and am waiting for it to rise. It was a lot stickier than I thought it would be, when I was kneading it....I didn't knead for long because it all just stuck to me. I'm just not a baker, I prefer to cook. Well, we'll see what happens.

We got an extra minute of daylight today. I think I really felt it....not.

Scratch

I've laid myself a little challenge this Christmas.

I am going to cook everyday, that is the 23rd, 24th, 25th AND 26th, all from scratch. I have a menu sketchily planned out and our fridge is fuller than it's ever been. (And please note it is a HUGE fridge by any standard. It's a corner fridge, and you can walk into it, it's so big. That also means it damned expensive to fill!)

Last night I made carrot coriander soup . It was damned good, I like the recipe alot. The orange juice kicked the soup into high gear and made it that extra bit flavorful. I used creme fraiche instead of just cream as a garnish. YUM! With it I made grilled cheese (gouda) sandwiches. Rich had wanted chicken noodle soup, but that broke the rules of my self imposed cook from scratch contest.

Tonight is ham basted with honey served with, as they call them here, gratinated potatoes, and asparagus. For dessert Rich's favorite strawberry shortcake. OK, so I use Bisquick for the cake, but it's his favorite and I cannot mess with a favorite.

I am also going to make boller from scratch. I've never backed with yeast before, so please, if you hear of a strange baking accident in Southern Norway, where a building is blown out from a yeast raising incident, raise your glass and toast to me, ok? I'll be trying to dig out from the dough.

Tomorrow night will be turkey and the trimmin's. I got a 1.75 kilo turkey breast. Cost a bomb, but hopefully it will turn out ok.

Tuesday? Not sure....probably something of a Mexican nature.

Right now? Drinking coffee made with a coffee press. It's just as easy to make coffee this way as it is to use Nescafe, and it's even easier than using a drip coffee maker, but it's WAY better.....Nummy num num.

yet more christmas insanity and a pleasant surprise.

It still hasn't snowed here. But it's been very humid and foggy, so the trees and all the available surfaces have a good covering of hoarfrost , so it looks like it snowed, kind of. This morning was very foggy.



But then it cleared up.



The frost is damned slippery though and I almost ate it like 12 times today. You can't see that the ground is slippery, but oh my oh my it is slipperier than a greased pig. And, to continue the colorful expressions, I've been busier than a one armed paper hanger in a windstorm today. So I've done alot of walkin' and slippin'.

I had to do the big Christmas grocery shop today. So did the rest of Norway. All of us packed into the one Ultra grocery store, and everyone with big carts, all trying to get past that damned bottleneck in the frozen foods aisle. Maybe, just MAYBE, it's a good idea to NOT put up the giant animated scary talking ho ho ho-ing Santa Claus right in the middle of the frozen foods on the busiest shopping day of the year? I dunno, just an idea. Arg. He hit me with his big animated meaty waving arm when I got stuck standing under him. I almost punched him.

Anyhow, I pushed on through and got my turkey breast for $12 a pound. (I could have had a whole turkey for cheaper, but did not WANT a whole turkey, not for two of us. I did that LAST Christmas and had so much leftover turkey I could still be eating it NOW if I wanted to.) I also got a Juleskinke (a ham) and sundry other items that all ended up costing an assload more than I expected. But what the hell it's Christmas and I finally got into the spirit of the beknighted thing, like, TODAY. I even bought a tiny little cypress tree to be a Christmas tree slash outdoor plant. It's cute. And soft and furry. I just like to pet it.

The surprising thing was...today? At the Ultra? They had BAGGERS. Yes, a person who took my things and placed them in bags FOR ME. I could have DIED I was so thrilled. I told the young man (yes, I use terms like "young man" now that I am old) that there are people who do this for a living in the US and he didn't really believe me. Then, when I told him that the baggers will also take your items to your car for you, he was verily blown away. See, a cultural exchange, right there at the overpriced grocery store. He did a GREAT job bagging by the way. Nothing squooshed, nothing mashed, all as it should be. You Weegies sure are taught good bagging skills at an early age!

Anyhow, here is a picture of what is passing for Christmas decor Chez Texpatriate this year. We are fairly minimal, though I do have alot of tree decorations from past years. This year, though, it's just us and a house with alot of red accents.



And, thank effing god, it's the winter solstice, which means the days from here on out get longer. It'll still get dark really early for a while, but each day we gain light, and that is heartening. We all wait for Christmas not only for the holiday, but also because we know the darkness has reached its end......

crazy guy on train and randomness

There was a really scary guy on the train this morning. I mean, I know I am the crazy emotional lady, but he was the scary helter-skelter serial killer guy. He just STARED at me with these piercing eyes....made worse by the fact that his seat faced mine, so I couldn't avoid his stare unless I focussed on just looking out the window. Oy he wigged me out.

So that was wierd.

Work is wierd too. It's like we are all crazy busy but we are just losing energy going into the holidays. It just does not feel like Christmas. No snow (and HAHA I can't believe I am saying THAT as a Texan, but here it's just not Christmas if there's no snow) and no let up at work. I mean, when you are dealing with the rest of the world, the majority of which really does not celebrate Christmas, nothing stops, they just get annoyed when you don't get back to them as usual. Plus I was kind of bummed today when they went around with all the company Christmas gifts for everyone...and I did not get one. I know I'm contract and everything, but I've been there for 6 months or so, and I feel like the nerd kid who didn't get invited to the party. Sigh. Even if it is a lame roll on travel bag. Sigh.

So that's wierd.

And then I went to the grocery store by the flat today and they did not have any chicken or hams. Which annoyed me no end. I mean, those are sort of basic items, are they not?

So that was wierd.

And today, I decided, that I am tired of all the words for female nether parts and so I am going to rename them. From here on out, I propose that the female bits get called Milton. I've heard the word puussy and c*nt too many times, not to mention twat, and I just think Milton is a much more cozy sort of word. Warm and fuzzy, as it were.....

So pass it around. Milton. I mean, how could anyone be afraid of a Milton?

So, that's today's randomness.

Yeah, so that was wierd.

Northern lights...no. Aquavit? Hell yeah.

So...bad news....I didn't see the northern lights. Nota hint, not a sign, not a mere wisp. Nada, nuthin. It was a clear and cold night, but there weren't nuthin' happening of a magnetic, light show, freaky sort of nature. I checked. Muchly.

Damn.

I DID, however, get to join in on a true, real, honest to God traditional Norwegian Julebord, and it was an awful lot of fun.

Our building's yearly Julebord is a joint effort, coordinated by the building committee and joined in by the whole residency. We all sign up for something to bring and gather at one person's flat for pre-drinks and another for the dinner. So we had martinis at this one woman's flat (gin! Ack! I haven't had gin since 1989...it hurt me badly) as an apertif and hung out there for an hour, then up to the other flat (our neighbors across the way) for the dinner.

If you didn't know already, when Norwegians gather for a party, they PARTY. So after the gin (ACK!) we had wine, beer, aquavit and cognac. Oh, yeah, and for food? Let's see...there was pinekjott, sausage, sausage, mashed turnips (yum! my first time and they were good!), potatoes, and some other stuff. I brought a dessert, chocolate cake from a very traditional Southern American recipe. I think it confused everyone by its very chocolatyness (and the pound of butter it calls for) but they all ate it and seemed to like it. Hey, it's chocolate, not many people turn down warm gooey chocolate.....

The closest I can describe pinekjott is lamb spareribs. It's a very traditional Norwegian holiday fare, and pretty good. Thankfully, lutefisk was not on the menu....I smelled it once and know I could not ever eat it. There are some traditional Norwegian foods that I am pretty sure you just have to grow up with in order to like...luckily pinekjott is not one of them.

Anyhow we chowed on the food and our host poured me generous amounts of aquavit, which, luckily I also like. I generally tend to like any herb liquor...ramazotti, aquavit, slivovice, schnapps,etc. You are supposed to drink aquavit with most traditional Norwegian meals, as the food is fairly heavy and can be greasy, so the liquor is supposed to cut the grease and help your tummy along. In the old days it also protected against food poisoning by killing any bad germs. The Aquavit went down easily, as did the wine and the beer.

Everyone there was very nice about using English when they thought we might need a little extra help, but I acquitted my self fairly well with my Norwegian, even joining in some word games and such. Rich did well, too, and managed to use the one word he knows well, "Takk!" as his word in the alphabetical word game, getting a big laugh at his short, yet precise answer.

In between all this hilarity, I did manage to drink some water and take a few breaks with the booze, and so am proud to say I am not hurting much today. It might get me a little later (I get delayed onset hangovers now, they hit around 2pm) but I think i've escaped it for the most part.

So, I may have missed out on the northern lights, but it does not mean I had a dark night, by any stretch of the imagination.

SKOL!

northern lights?

I've been told that tonight there will be a very good chance to see the northern lights. Like, the best chance this far south in Norway in 20 years. Woo! They were seen just the other night as well, though I missed them then.
Apparently this new visibility is caused by a confluence of things, including the movement of the North Pole farther south....so that the northern lights will become more frequently visible in the coming years as they follow the magnetic poles. I'm just quoting what folks have told me.

The sky is supposed to be clear. I'm charging my camera batteries. We have a party tonight, but it's at the neighbor's across the hall, so if I DO see something, I can run over and get my camera and start snapping away.

Keep your fingers crossed that I see them and can get you some pictures, ok? I think I would feel like I missed out on a life experience if I lived in Norway for over 4 years and NEVER got to see the northern lights.

working stiff.....

I'm back at work. It's pretty cool. I'm glad to be there. I was apparently mightily missed (mainly because I do a bunch of stuff no one else has time or patience for) and everyone is glad to see me. The project I was working on before I left has not gotten near as far as I hoped it would while I was gone (no one's fault except massive bureaucracy in India) and so I am diving back in to a pile of shit so deep I wonder if I will ever get out.

But, they moved my office, and I got a sweet one a floor up. The whole floor has been renovated and it looks really nice. All cool greys and hip looking brightly colored modernist furniture. My office is WAY better, even the light, and there is a microwave (yeay!) so I can now indulge in things to eat for lunch that are not only cookable with hot water. No more "cup o's" for me!

The only problem is that the whole office upstairs is all wood floors and anyone wearing shoes other than sneakers gets really noisy. You can hear everyone coming for miles. I wore my cowboy boots today and I sure clunked around authoritatively. Course, this also means I hear if anyone comes to my office and so can wake up from my nap if need be. (Kidding! I kid. I actually really like my job and the people I work with. It's very much a place where you are left to your own responsibility and no one watches over your shoulder, which I personally can't stand. As long as you get your stuff done, they don't care when or how you do it. Rock on!))

I'm still not back on my sleep game. But it seems no one else is, either. We all just want to be in bed all day but at night the sleep won't come. It's very tiresome. Huh huh.

It's 4:45 now and pitch black outside. I am counting the days til the 22nd, when the darkness trend reverses and the days grow 2-3 minutes longer each day. Just think...in ten days that's an extra half hour of light!

Lest you think that I've gotten boring, or have abandoned traveling, never ye fear. We go to Tallin, Estonia, after Christmas. No, I don't know anything about Tallin, either.

good deed girl

Well, today I totally racked up karmic points. I figure, tomorrow I can go eat a baby or something, because today I covered my ass like nobody's business. I was Official Miss Nice Gal today.

First, I helped my friend Tony get his dogs from the cargo shipper today. See, he and his family (wife, daughter, pets) are moving here from Austin and the dogs got shipped ahead while his wife finishes the packing and selling of the house. He needed help collecting the dogs because they had to be shipped in their dog crates and he was worried hat he could not manage dogs and crates and all the subsequent worries. (Plus, brave man, he rented a van from Rent A Wreck as his first driving foray in Norway, and that has GOT to be nervewracking driving something like that for the first time in a new country? When you still don't know how to get around all the well? And all the signs and roads and rules and stuff are new? Oy. But he did a great job.....)

Anyhow, he said the dogs were big. His wife said the dogs were big. I am used to big dogs, so hey, I mean, how big can they be?

He didn't say they were BIG. Seamus, the boy dog, is THE BIGGEST dog I have ever seen. The crate that Seamus came off the flight in was the size of my first Honda. Seriously. Big. The second dog, Tosca, is also a big dog but compared to Seamus she is pretty normal. But still big. Two very big, very furry dogs. Holy crap. They've rented a nice apartment in Oslo, a good sized place in a really cute area. Once I saw those dogs in that apartment, though.....wow, they are gonna be a close family. Luckily the dogs seem fairly well behaved and definitely sweet. Tony was really happy to have them with him again.

But helping out with the big dogs was not the only thing I did today that gives me the karmic high five.......

The train back from Oslo was packed. Everyone bundled on like a bunch of cattle going to market. Moo...Anyhow, I managed to snag a seat in a row with all these big guys. Just as I settled in, however, I noticed an elderly lady standing in the doorway, looking around for a seat with a look in her eye that sort of told me she needed one. I had just sat down, as had all the men around me.....and not one of the men got up. NOT ONE. Bastards. Even though they saw her. Even with the new ad campaign to educate on politeness on the train? So, I got up and offered her my seat. She BEAMED at me, said a profuse thank you, and sat down. I went and stood in the entry area, not far away, and read my book for the trip home.

The lady smiled at me the whole time. Just the sweetest smile. You'd think I was Santa Claus or something. As we reached our destination (she was getting off at the same place as me) she again thanked me profusely, and I answered in my American accent, "You are most welcome. Happy to help". She said, "Oh! American! That's why you are so nice!"

Score one for the red white and blue, I did......

Happy Halloween

There's a way nasty windstorm going on outside. The wind cuts and it's mixed with big snowflakes/sleet. Umbrellas work only to a point. The wet gets under, over and around anything you wear to avoid it. My hair, after today, looks an awful lot like that poodle down below......

Which probably explains that we only had one trick or treater this year. And he was the kid from across the hall. (Well, ok, another explanation could also be the fact that we live in a coded entry building, so no one gets in here without an invitation or a wierd magnetic key and keypad thingy that lets you then enter your code.) Anyhow, he was dressed as Dracula. Hopefully the cape will keep him warm on his rounds.

(insert awkward transition here)

A while back Bookhart asked us to post what we do on a day to day basis...what is a typical day for us? I don't really think I have a "typical" day anymore, but I can tell you that at work right now I am so mired down in red tape and stupid organizational busywork that I could just scream. The only thing keeping my humor up is that everyone else at work is pretty much in the same boat in some way shape or form, and we all know it is NOT of our making or even the company's making. What is it about?

We are working with a company in India.

I'd heard that India can be a nightmare of red tape and regulatory busywork, and I'll be damned if that was not spot on. You send them a list they request, and then they come back wanting three more like it, but with small differences that honestly they could have done themselves merely by rearranging the spreadsheet....and then everything has to bear an official company stamp and the signature of whatever poor fucker did the list/spreadsheet/form/whatever. And lately? That poor fucker is me. And let me tell you, organizing documents and forms with original signatures from people that are scattered all over the world is not exactly my idea of a good use of time. Especially when most of those forms don't REALLY need original signatures, they could be scanned and emailed or just emailed as an Excel document with no change in information or whatever. Because, really, how important can my signature be? I'm just the flunky doing the gathering. But sign and stamp I do. DHL is making a bundle off of me.
It's honestly just the absolute WORST example of what bureaucracy can do. I am so impatient with things like this. I hate officialdom for officialdom's sake. (This applies equally at embassies and drivers' license offices.) This has been a big test of my patience, detail orientation and sense of humor. The scary thing is, when I leave for my high school reunion? It still won't be done and I will have to hand over the stamp to someone else....yet anotherr poor fucker down the line.

CrankyButt Jones

I had this friend, Sandy, who always came up with whimsical names for people in certain moods. (I say "had" a friend only because i haven't heard from him in yonks, but it can easily be amended to 'have' if only I ever hear from him again). Anyhow, I am not sure if it is Sandy's term or if it just sounds like a Sandy-ism, but today I am CrankyButt Jones and that ain't no lie.

AAAAGGGH.

Jesus. You know when you are THIS close to just going off? That's me. Right now. Today was a litany of Things I Hate.

Today we got our Norwegian visas updated and pasted into our passports. It took over three months for the visas to get approved. So today we got to be officially re-residented. The new visas require a passport photo. It seems stupid to have yet ANOTHER passport photo on a visa which is inside a passport, which already has a photo in it, but whatthefuckever, that's the red tape brigade for you and so we brought photos along. BUT, they said mine was not good enough, (no duh, when are mine EVER?) and I had to retake it. So I down to the lobby to get yet another fucking passport photo and the machine stole my last 5 kroners, and I had to go begging from a not very happy woman at the post office for change. I finally got the picture (after three failed first tries including one with me adjusting my hair, another with me looking like I was yawning and the third where i was fighting off a sneeze, but all showing me with my lovely 'wet hair because I wasn't expecting a passport photo today dammit' expression) and brought it back upstairs. Only to have the woman behind the counter sheepishly tell me that she already had the photo I had brought with me LAST time and it was ok to use! All that frustration and 40 kroners wasted! Did I mention I hate having my picture taken?

Gah!

Then, because I wanted to truly torture myself, I ambled over to the Turkish embassy to get my visa for my upcoming trip to Turkey. Because, yes, I could get one on entry to the country, but from my experience that stuff always takes AT LEAST an hour or more and after a very early morning flight facing the crowds at the visa office is NOT my thing. So I thought I'd beat the rush by getting one here instead. An hour of holiday time is so much more valuable than a few hours of home time, I reasoned. Why, oh why do I listen to myself?

The Turkish embassy is in a lovely old house in the west side of town. I got buzzed through three different gates and doors to be met by a small glassed in room wherein sat three men smoking furiously. I think that was their job, to smoke in that room. They pointed me to a lined sheet of paper on which, I assumed, I was to fill in name, address, and reason for visit, etc., and then I went and sat down in a different, non smoking, but equally small waiting room to wait for them to call me in. After a while of sitting, however, I noticed that there was no communication between those with the pad of paper and those doing the work, so just HOW was I supposed to get my visa stuff going when no one knew what I was there for? It was not a take a number situation. Everyone just sort of hung around, like sitting in this dowdy room was the way life was and that was that. I went up to the inevitable glass security window through which you must shout (this being an embassy specialty) and hollered that I was an AMERICAN and I needed a VISA. Everyone else hollered too, so I was not special. The guy behind the shout window waved at a woman in the corner and said his colleague would take care of me.

But he never told her about me, so when she appeared at the window half an hour later on an apparently random mission, I pounced and asked her what I needed to do for a visa. She said "Go to Turkey, get one there". Haha. Thanks.

I explained that I had a wierd schedule and would rather do it ahead of time, if possible. She gave me a form to fill out and told me to wait some more. Ok.

After another half hour I brandished the form and passport in her face, and she checked it over and said "ok", gave me an encouraging smile and took it back to another room. She was back in five minutes. She told me her boss said they could not accept my passport.

Whafuck? Why not?
It's not good, she said. It's bad and he has never seen one like it.
Whafuck? Why? Steam began to erupt from my nostrils.
It is bad. He won't do it.
*fffrrrppppppp* (steam sound)

Apparently, the bureaucratic twat behind the desk to whom she answers had never seen an American passport to which extra pages have been added. When you get your passport, you have 25 or so numbered pages. When you have pages added, they are lettered, A-Z, and are fairly randomly stuck in between the numbered pages, in my case between pages 12 and 13 and then again, for I have done this twice, between pages 16 and 17. (You can add pages three times at no cost, fyi.) This woman's boss (she told me with a roll of her eyes) did not believe that my lettered pages were legit because he had never seen them. He said my passport must be a fraud. He would alert the American embassy.

I shat a brick right there on the floor. Was this total idiot seriously telling me (through her) that he believed I had a fake passport? A fake passport that had five Norwegian visas, stamps from 15 or more countries, and my picture and signature in at least three different places in it? And i am standing there with my big ol' American accent, not speaking Norwegian and definitely NOT taking this sort of thing in a patient manner?

I looked at the lady. She raised her eyebrows. I told her to take me to her leader. She grinned, broadly, as I guess many people do not ask that, especially tall American women, and led me directly through to The Man Behind the Desk. Who disdainfully thumbed my passport and pointed out the shoddiness of the added pages, taped in, not numbered, how could America be so lax with a passport? This is a bad passport, he said. Bad. Not good. Bad quality.

I politely said that if it was THAT bad, how come Morrocco, Egypt, Cambodia, Thailand, Laos and so many other countries had deigned to stamp it AND on lettered, not numbered, pages? I was going to meet my father in Turkey, his favorite country in all the world, I said, did he want me to miss seeing my father? I was not responsible for the shoddiness of the American system of passport pagination. If they are ok with it, why is Turkey not ok with it? Isn't America the most secure country in the world? (Gleam of eye, here. He looked at me. I almost winked.)

He harrumphed and made an official sort of sound and gesture that meant, "Woman, you go sit in the very small reception room with the temperamental child and the very old magazines whilst I ruminate on this Massive and Very Dangerous Security Issue. I am at work Saving the World from your evil passport and must consult with the Very Important People sitting in the glass smoking room".

I went back to the waiting room, after winking at the woman (now my best friend) in the other office.

I was finally approved, after another 20 minutes, however they are holding my passport hostage overnight so that they can make up the visa and insert in onto what I can only guess will be the last remaining numbered page in my passport.

When I was on the way home from all this (AND I worked today people!) I went to the grocery store and my bank card would not work. And Norway does not take credit cards at grocery stores. Only the Norwegian bank cards. So I went to get cash. The machine would not even take my card in. Nor would the other machine. Or the other machine. My card just died.

I have no access to money. And I can't get a new card before I go to Turkey. I'm fucked.

AND our internet was down when I got home so I could not even find the number of who to call nor could I get online to the US bank to at least do some money switching on that account, so to be able to use the US bank card. (Though WHAT money I would use is the issue right now.It's all freaking HERE!)

I threw a fit, called Rich at work in an absolute freak out. He finally said, after hearing ALL This shit that I dealt with today, look , give it up, dig around for some coins and go buy a bottle of wine. Yes I know we are not drinking, but. you. need. wine.

I am now drinking a cheapish bottle of Argentinian red and looking at a very red piece of steak in the fridge that is about to moo its last. At least the internet started up again.

Today isn't even Friday the 13th yet. I fear, people. I fear.

blood! gore! lasers!

I try to keep the blog fun and funny, but sometimes dammit, I just don’t feel it. The weather lately has been rainy and dreary in the extreme, the days are getting shorter and I really, really just find it hard to get out of bed. However, pretty much everyone I talk to is also feeling the same way, so I know it’s just this time of year. No snow yet to brighten the light, the rain is a sad drizzle and I can feel nature withdrawing for the upcoming winter. The Darkness is approaching.

Blah.

There has been a bit of excitement here and there, though. The other day we had this freak electrical storm with massive (and very close) bursts of lightning and thunder. And, as we live in what is basically a tin box on the roof of a building, I definitely was worried about that lightning. I made Rich sit down, because if that lightning came through the ceiling, it would hit his big ol’ head first thing, him being the tallest thing in the house.

Then on Tuesday morning, Rich was getting ready for work and I was desperately trying to not wake up (“just five more minutes and I’ll get up…ok, five more…OK ok five more…”). I heard Rich go "Ow...oh...ooh!" in the bathroom. Not a normal holler, but like, with an edge to it. I knew it wasn't the usual cut himself shaving ow...it was quietly panicked, with a bit of an upturn in his voice that means ‘eek!’

So I got up and went to him, and he had gashed the living shit out of his hand on the sharp edge of the shower wall. This shower has been a problem from the start. It’s made of glass blocks and it’s edged with this aluminum strip that was not put on flush and so the edges are KNIFE sharp. It’s actually a hazard. Here we are in this posh flat, and they build the shower in the cheapest way possible? I don’t get it. Anyhow, he got the top of his hand but good and it just sliced like a ripe peach. Really gross. You could see the workings of his hand. He was trembling and freaked out, but it wasn’t bleeding that badly and he said it did not hurt. We put a towel on it while I looked around for a bandage and he got dressed. I bandaged it up and was surprised that I did not feel sick. Not sure why, I always thought I was a squeamish git but apparently not. I found something to wear and managed to get my hair somewhat down from its pillow-centric state and then we had to find someone to stitch him up.

SO, we weren't sure where to go to get it fixed. The hospital? That's in the next town, about an 8 minute train ride away by express train, or an expensive cab ride. Couldn't think of anywhere else to go, it was 8am and would anything be open anyhow? Our doctor is in a town that is not on the express train line, and we didn't know of a local place we could go. Did we have to be registered at a doctor to go there?. Are any of the legesenters (local doctor's offices) open and could we go w/o an appointment? Is there an emergency clinic? Maybe we should have figured this out sooner?

Rich insisted he was ok to take the train, his hand really wasn’t bleeding, just sort of oozing, and the train is actually quicker than a cab in the morning rush hour. As we waited for the train I called work to say I'd be late. My boss, who rocks, said the local legesenter was very good and we could probably get in there, because she had gone there in an emergency once as well.. And best of all, it was only about 300 feet away.

So we skipped catching the train and went there. We waited about 15 minutes, while I fumed over the rude woman who kept cutting and pushing in front of EVERYONE who walked in wanting to know when SHE was going to get in. I tried shooting her dead with the laser beams in my eyes, but they obviously don’t work without coffee as the energy booster. The woman behind the glass told her to chill out, and she would be called in due time, that emergencies come first. (In my head I did the little “ha ha” from the Simpsons. You know the one…) They called in Rich fairly quickly and Boy-o got five stitches, a tetanus shot and a little talk about how lucky he is that he didn't slice tendons.
While he got stitched, I ran to 7-11 to get a coffee and ran into one of his co-workers, Grant, who’s Scottish (not that this is germain to the discussion, but I just like to always say that Grant is Scottish) and told him that Rich was SPEWING blood everywhere, like a fountain, or like the Black Knight ("It's just a flesh wound!").
OK, not.
But I did tell Grant that Rich was hurt and to spread it around work so that he’d get lots of sympathy the next day. After the doctor Rich spent the rest of the day home with the TV and a cup of coffee. The stitches are very nicely done, and I think he will have minimal scarring. It all cost about $60 and took a little over an hour from start to finish, so woo to the Norwegian health care system. I’ve always been very pleased with the health care here. Way better than in the States, at least for basic stuff. I don’t know about hospitals, but have heard mostly good things.

I went on directly to work afterwards and felt pretty gross without a shower and with some pretty bad bedhead as well. Not my most glamorous day at work…..