my brother's cat...

...is annoying the everlasting FUCK out of me. Granted, I am not a cat person, and there are the occasional few who I think are cool, but this one is a HELLION.

My brother has two cats...Skeeter (the cool cat) and Midge (the auxilliary cat). Skeeter is laid back, elder-statesman like, and very loyal to my brother. Midge got her name because she is a midget sized cat, though I think it also works as a midge, the little annoying gnat like bug that gets up your nose and in your ear and buzzes around your face until you think you are going insane. That fits Midge to a "T".

Midge does not walk. She sprints. Like, Speedy Gonzales, smoky curls of speed left behind, 0-to-90 in .05 seconds, full on hauling ass. I've never seen her walk. She sprints, or sleeps. And she's always sprinting directly under my feet at bad moments. Since she is so small, so fast and oddly silent, she can sneak up on you and scare the crap out of you any time she wants, and she takes advantage of it at every opportunity. So if I'm not tripping over her, she's making me jump. That cat is giving me a complex. I see her in the conrer of my eye, then she's gone, and I'm wondering...did I see her? Or not? Where is that little fucker now?

I think Midge wants to be a pirate. The other day she hung from the top of the shower curtain with her claws and then slid down it, pirate style, shredding it in the process. Then she yo-ho-ho'd it out of there because she knew she'd done a bad bad thing.

Every so often Skeeter will take her down, mainly just because he can. He just swats her down to the ground with a paw, jumps on her, then walks off. It's cool. Like he's all"Dude. Cool it." Whenever he does that I'm like "Yeah! Get her!"
She chills for a minute, max, then continues parasailing off the sofa or whatever her latest activity was.

I swear I get exhausted just looking at her. Exhausted and nervous. When will she sneak up on me again? When will I trip over her again? And will she destroy the new shower curtain I just put up?

nice day for me, not so much for Julia

Eventful days this week, people, eventful days.

Last night I met my niece Bethany for dinner at Austin Land and Cattle. I think I have mentioned that place before, but let me just remind you....if you like steak, and want it cooked to perfection, there is no other choice in Austin. This is the best steak in the world. AND they have the famous Shiner Bock Battered Mushrooms. Like, I don't think I could choose between the two. Luckily I don't have to and I get both. Heaven. That and a rocks margarita with Couintreau and I am a happy omnivorous gal. Bethany, my niece, is like me in her steak eating preferences and I am proud to report we both completely ignored the spinach that came with it. EW. I am always so impressed by Bethany. That girl has got her shit together and is a hoot to boot. Smart, funny acerbic and great to talk to. She's so far ahead of how how I was at that age....compared to her, I was a rank idiot. Rock on Miss B!

This morning I got up early (well, it felt early, anyhow, after the steak and margaritas...c'mon, when it's that good ya gotta have two!) and met Amamgets (see her blog to the left) at Mozarts for coffee. Can I just say how AWESOME she is? She drives a GIANT Suburban, but on it she has a bumper sticker that says "Draft all SUV drivers". Seriously, how can you not love someone with a sense of humor like that? She's totally cool and I hope to get to know her better whenever I get the hell home, which honestly better be SOON because I heart Austin, y'all.

After coffee with Amamgets, I met Bookhart for lunch at Chuy's where I had my usual Shrimp Tacos and she had her Chicken Sopapilla with the ranchero sauce on the side and traditional Mexican rice, not the hatch chile stuff. Yes, we always order the same, for years now, and I also always get a regular big ol' Coke, she gets Diet. I love that tradition, and a visit to Austin would feel incomplete without it. We have been going to Chuy's for almost 20 years now.

After lunch I dropped her back off at the office, picked up my contacts, did some shopping and got to see Karla May and Jaye for a brief visit. I also got totally insulted at Whole Foods when this random guy in the vitamin aisle asked if a girl in that aisle and I were related and said we looked alike. I looked at her, she was standing right behind me, age around 25-30, and then he asked if I WAS HER MOTHER!!!!!!! This girl who I had never seen before and just happened to be in the same aisle as me....was I HER FUCKING MOTHER!!!!!! All I could do was harumph and hmmph and growl and I left that aisle in high dudgeon. Asshole, asshole of the first nature. I DO NOT LOOK OLD ENOUGH TO BE HER MOTHER! That was the only sucky part of the day, for me.

After that I went to Shepler's Weatern Store to pick up some Levi's for our friend Martin back in Norway. There is not much that's more fun or truly Texan than shopping at a Western store. Boots of every color, strange women's clothes with bedazzling all over them, helpful workers in tight Wranglers, ropers and cowboy hats who lead you through the store and find exactly what you want, all the while calling you "Ma'am", and everyone y'allin' up a storm, that's MY idea of Texas shopping fun.

I got back to take a nap. Heather was not here. I figured she was at baby yoga or something.

Nope. Turns out she was in the emergency room with Julia, who got in a wreck this afternoon. She's ok, just banged up a bit, but her car is toast. Heather called just a few minutes ago. Poor Julia. She is a really good driver, so whatever happened is pretty much guaranteed to be the other person's fault.

They will be home soon, I should go straighten something or get some ice together or something. SOMETHING to be useful......

puppy love

Some pics from Thanksgiving.

I was a total farm girl. My wardrobe consisted of short sleeved t-shirts over long (a look I have never worn convincingly) paired with jeans and a ratty old pair of Timberlands I left at my parents for slobbing around in. I spent my time learning how to ride a four wheeler (I am really good at shifting and goinng forward, not as good at steering and stopping), bbq-ing, romping on the puppy and generally getting dirty at every opportunity. It was sweet. My new name is Ozark Bob. (not)

A seemingly cute and furry puppy with teeth like needles. She was not biting me in this picture.

Here's Engel on her dog bed, where she's chewed off the edge. She's a little damp because Teufel thinks that SHE is a chew toy as well, though he is very gentle when he takes her whole head in his mouth. No, really, He's GENTLE. But slobbery.

That's me and Kathy, my brother's girlfriend. The puppy would start gnawing on her ears within seconds after this photo.

There's my brother on the patio with Flumpy. The little nipper is licking her, um, bits. Compared to the other dogs she is very small. But they are very big.....

Right after this picture was taken Engel jumped on Flumpy and he ran away. He is not very puppy centric and basically avoids her at every opportunity.

I drove back to Texas on Saturday, 12 hours straight, luckily not that much traffic. I would like to kindly request that the Oklahoma Turnpike Authority please either man the toll booths on the Creek Tollway around Tulsa or have it so that the fucking change machines WORK! I mean, seriously, I would pay the tolls if you made it possible for me to, but with toll booths that are exact change only, me not having change and you guys not having change machines that work...what the hell am I supposed to do? Yeah, I had to run the toll booth. I've never done that before. HOWEVER..... I did pay for the one I had to run at the next opportunity, where there was actually a person available. I am evil, but not a thief.

I got back to Heather and Julia's at 8:30 pm, and then got up really early this morning to (now, don't faint) attend CHURCH where we had the baptism of Griffin. Which is a whole 'nother story in itself. Which I will tell tomorrow. I can say that there was no lightning shooting at my head, no fire and brimstone raining down and identifying me as the heathen I am, and I did not say "fuck" once. So, woo to me and my manners. Mamma done taught me right.

that's a big 'un

I just helped mom lug the 22 lb turkey up the basement stairs. It's a big 'un.

Mom's been cooking, baking or planning for about three weeks now. She's in cook heaven(hell).

Kit is just waiting for the when the turkey crisps up so he can get to the skin. I am a gravy hound of the first order and actually think that all the rest is just corollary to the gravy. Forget the other stuff, just gimme gravy and a spoon. Dad happily eats it all. Whatever you put in front of him, he'll eat it. Mom daintily has a small portion of everything, which is the secret to her phenomenal figure after all these years, but I know she'll be "testing" the food as she cooks it as well.

Kit's girlfriend, Kathy, is manfully holding her own in this loud, opinionated and oddly close-knit family. She manages to toe the line between my leftist leanings, Dad's so- far- right- he's- left- passionate speeches and Mom's 'in one ear out t'other' middle ground. Kit just goes and pounds on the new puppy or rides around on one of the 4 wheelers. He always was the smart one. I'm better, though, about not getting into it with Dad anymore. Hey, we both abhor GWB and that is enough of a middle ground for us to sit back and enjoy each other's company on a father-daughter level. You shoulda seen us in the Clinton years, though...woof.

We'll eat around 3 or 3:30 and then one of us will put in a movie (something more boy oriented than girl, even though there are MORE GIRLS here right now) , to which Dad and Mom will be snoring within 20 minutes. Kathy and I will no doubt pull out our Macs and do our internet nerd thing, and Kit will read a magazine or pretend not to snore with the parentals. If Rich was here, (he's back in Norway) he'd be politely trying not to snore, but would fail miserably. Though he would have won MASSIVE brownie points (as he always does) by helping to clean up after the meal. The first time he did that, I swear Mom almost passed out. Men in this family have not been trained to help with the clean up. A man in the kitchen is as rare a sighting as a UFO. (For us, the alternative meaning of UFO is Unrepentant Farting Object.)

Tomorrow we NONE of us will be hitting those horrible 6 am sales on "Black Friday". Family tradition demands NO shopping on the one day that you are supposed to go. We are, you see, contrarians of the first order. Nobody tells US when to shop! Besides, Friday is Turkey and Gravy Sandwich Day, which for me is the whole point of Thanksgiving....I just wanna get to Friday when the REAL fun starts.

Happy Thanksgiving one and all......

dogs who are not what they seem

We have a tradition in our family of naming dogs opposite of how they really are. For example right now my parents have:

Flumpy. Flumpy is a HUGE fierce 135 lb German shepherd whose ears have a tendency to flop (just a little). When he was a puppy he used to just flop down into the water of the creek on my parents property, with his rear legs splayed behind him in a very un-doglike manner. When I saw him do that, I told my brother (whose dog he was) that he "flumped" down just like my friend Bookhart's ancient stuffed animal she had named Flumpy when she was a child. Flumpy. Flumpy the puppy. And, the name stuck, even as Flumpy grew to be a huge, massive un-Flumpylike German shepherd. My brother would take the dog out to the park and call him over..."Fllluuumpyyy!" and everyone would look around for the little nerfy chihuahua doggie, only to see great galumphing Flumpy come running up. Teehee.

Teufel. Teufel means "Devil" in German, but Teufel is the sweetest, most patient dog on this earth.

Ginger. Ginger is the protector, the one who alerts my parents when people drive onto their property. Flumpy might be the one who would go after someone if necessary, but Ginger is going to be the one to alert everyone to the fact that there is someone there....She probably comes closest to her name, as she is a bit retiring and walks gingerly due to her advancing age.

So, because of this traditon of names that don't necessarily match the dog's temperament, I hereby nominate the name of the new puppy as...Engel. German for Angel. Because she's NOT. She's an ankle biting, head jumping, growling little maniac puppy who will chew your pant leg to smithereens (you should see my BRAND NEW J Crew cords...might as well cut them off into shorts now) and go on thru to your leg bone as the second course. She's a furry mini-menace all wrapped up in an adorable package of cute.

Engel. She's got sharp pointy teeth (RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!) and a puppy-like eagerness to use them.........

Dad wants to call her Grace (once again, cuz' she's a klutz and a half) but that's too nice...I think Engel fits the family theme of Kraut names. Previous dogs include Schlingel, Mueschi and Heidi (nickname Hideous). But then there was also Big Boy, Playmate, Teddy and my old dog, Beaufort. Duchess of......

thieving on down the line

I stole this from Karla May who stole it from a blog she visited for the first time (you go with your thieving self!) I'm here at my parents' (dad's over there asleep on his chair) and have spent the morning being chewed on by a very determined puppy who thinks humans are just big moving chew toys. After I do this i will fill the puncture holes in my arms and ankles made by puppy teeth with neosporin and some spackle.


Yourself: lazy
Your partner: away
Your hair: leonine
Your Mother: goofy
Your Father: snoozing
Your Favorite Item: Luccese
Your dream last night: sex
Your Favorite Drink: mocha
Your Dream Car: fast
Your Dream Home: bigger
The Room You Are In: comfortable
Your Ex: which?
Your fear: blindness
Where you Want to be in Ten Years? healthy
Who you hung out with last night: family
What You're Not: cheap
Muffins: cake
One of Your Wish List Items: home
The Last Thing You Did: scamper
What You Are Wearing: jeans
Your favorite weather: autumn
Your Favorite Book: 3 Musketeers
Last thing you ate: cereal
Your Life: unsettled
Your mood: calm
Your Best Friends: strong
What are you thinking about right now: nap?
Your car: sold
What are you doing at the moment: contemplating
Your summer: sunlit
Relationship status: ever-evolving
What is on your TV: reflections
What is the weather like: crisp
When is the last time you laughed: morning

Now I will stretch out on one of the sofas in the "great room" and vedge while flipping through some of my mom's catalogues. I know this sounds wierd, but we don't get catalogues in Norway and I totally MISS them. Shopping while not moving off your ass....you don't realize a hole in your life until it's filled....

puppy

My parents got a puppy to add to their flock of dogs. Meet...Yet To Be Named Girl Germie.





.....Awwwww........

The reunion and curtain demolition, plus a scheduling clusterfuck

I spent the day today removing absolutely heinous curtains from my brother's new house. I mean, he had HUGE poofy curtains in shades of pink and green billowing all over his house....a remnant from the over decorated 80's. It took me two hours and a power drill to remove them, but those light sucking dustbags are now GONE and his house already looks lighter. Score one for the girl addicted to light.

Why was I in Houston today instead of Austin, you ask? Why, because there was a fuck up with Rich's flight and he got rescheduled for tomorrow, which he found out only after I had dropped him off and was on the way to Austin and he called me in a panic......then, we found out that his flight tomorrow is NOT at the same time as it should have been today, but over an hour earlier.....and they never told us, we just sort of found out by accident, when he checked on line. Uh..Continental? Maybe you could let us know when you make flights earlier? Thanks.

So, the reunion. It was fun. What I remember of it. Anne and Nick (Anne I have known since 7th grade and Nick is her husband, I was a bridesmaid at their Big Fat Greek Wedding) got a room at the hotel so we met up in their room for a pre-reunion drinky. Nick handed me a 'something with vodka', and for the rest of the night I was not without a 'something with vodka' in my hand at all times. And vodka, for me, goes down smooth and gives me a pleasant, not overwhelming buzz.

So I was a happy girl at the reunion. It was pretty much has I expected...a bunch of people that I never spent much time with in high school mixed in with some that I had known since kindergarten, a few early life crushes, and some I didn't recognize at all. Anne looked exactly the same, people tell me I do too, and a few other gals looked the same as well. Alot of the guys looked well, middle aged. It was strange. I felt a bit disjointed, all told.

But I was also pretty drunk. Anne and I ended up arm wrestling. That bitch is STRONG. She beat me, but I had an arm cramp. She's so toast next time we arm wrestle. I'm doing a Rocky and getting in shape. It's funny how I only get to see her, like, once or twice a yearr, but it's like we just saw each other yesterday.......we just GET each other. And Nick is the consummate good guy and perfect host.

Anyhow, after the reunion Nick got us a stretch limo (can you believe I had never been in one?) and we went to their club in the Montrose area and danced to a band called Molly and The Ringwalds....they were an awesome 80's band. After a bit of craziness there we then went to their other bar downtown.....and I think I felt up the bartender. (Long story, but she has nice boobs, you really could not tell they weren't real.) Anne told me she hired her in large part because her feet reminded Anne of mine. I mean, really, a friend who remembers your feet and hires people based on similarities therein is a friend you should keep. Goofy and hilarious.......

Rich didn't come with us to the bar because he was too drunk and too tired. He stayed in the room and listened to Johnny Cash and got emotional. Never ever listen to Cash when drunk. It'll get you. Heed my warning.

Next morning? Oh my GOD. I wanted to die. Death would have been too good. I hurled ALL DAY. I could not eat. And every time I tried to take an Advil or something, I would hurl it up, so t he headache never went away either. We went for Mexican food, which I had been craving for weeks...and I could not eat a bite. I was SO annoyed. I could only watch and try not to make gagging noises.

Yesterday was a wash for me.....so I am really glad that Rich had an extra (mistaken) day here. so I could be a real person and we could have some time together before he went back to Norway.

Ok so we are now gonna go have some bbq......something for Rich to rememebr when he goes back.......

Happy Karla

Hello and major apologies for not posting. And also, THIS is why I did not do that NANoBlogMo or whatever the fuck. I have had no access to a computer until now. Honestly, it hasn't been that much of a problem. Just been hanging out with Rich and his Mom and taking it easy. I can SLEEP here like nobody's business. Sleep and eat.

I am in Pennsylvannia. Coming to the Northeast of the US is, to me, a dyed in the wool Texan, as exotic as traveling to Turkey or France. It's a whole 'nother country. Yankees everywhere, with funny accents, bless my southern boots. But DAMN are they nice. Everyone here is so friendly and helpful, they'll stop whatever they are doing to help you even if you don't ask for it. (They listen to your conversations, and I forget that everyone here speaks english!) It's wierd as I am NOT used to that anymore. You don't talk to strangers in Norway. And a stranger initiating the conversation? No way! I have to remind myself to talk to folks and not just blend into the crowd quietly as I am used to doing.

We've spent the last week shopping for a sportcoat/blazer for Rich and having NO luck. As a 46 extra long, he is apparently a gorilla armed freak and there is nothing around here anywhere for him. We've given up and he is just going to wear a black turtleneck and jeans to the reunion, which is SATURDAY, eek! I got a facial today and a mani/pedi in preparation. I have, as I was told by the aestheticians, great skin and horrible nails, but I knew that already. Horrible nails because I bite them into oblivion. Great skin because of genetics and sun screen devotion over the last few years. Let's hope it keeps up.

The weather was really cold when we got here. I did not pack enough warm clothes. But it warmed up today and it was gorgeous. Rich's mom lives in an old town along the Susquehanna River in Pennsylvania. The house she lives in is an old one, built in 1840 or so, and it was a shop and a dentist's office and other things over the years, so it's a bit funky, but cool. there are lots of grogeous old Victorian homes all around so walking is very nice. I went for a walk the other morning and there was tons to look at. I could totally live in some of these houses. GORGEOUS.

In other news, WOO to the Democrats! I have had to keep my mouth shut as I am in Republicanville and am branded a liberal by all who see me, but I have been quietly (well, sort of quietly) crowing and gloating these past 24 hours. WOO fucking HOO! I was really nervous about the elections, but am glad to see that Americans have smartened up about some things and want a change.......WOOOOO! Maybe I can move back home now? The local Republican Congressman for this area has an office right next to Rich's mom's place, and it sure was awful quiet around his office after he lost....(oh shadenfreude).

Tomorrow I go to Houston where we will meet up with my brother and my friends Anne and Nick. I fully expect to be horribly hung over on Sunday.......but at least my skin and nails will be in good shape.

third time proud!

I am happy to announce that i am a god mother for the third time! (Not a god mother in the "godly" sense, mind you, but more in the "Oh, God, let the kid hang out with Aunt Karla, maybe she'll explain the birds and bees so we won't have to" sense. Hey, I take what I can get.)

Anyhow, Julia and Heather have had their son, Griffin, yesterday. Griffin weighed a bit over 9 lbs. Heather did end up having a caesarean, but for all intents and purposes, as I heard last night, mother and baby are doing well and Griffin already knows how to feed like a champ. Julia (my pal since I was five years old) is stunned, happy and already worrying about how to keep the germs and dirt out of the house and away from "the Griff".

I better learn how to play football...I'm gonna have to teach him or at least watch it with him.....the kid's gonna be a big 'un!

My other two godkids are Bookhart's Wonder Boy and Her Majesty......and prouder of them I just could not be.

The only thing better than being a godmother is being a grandmother, so I hear.......

In which it's proved my freakiness is genetic

Story my Mom told me:

She and Dad headed down to Houston to visit my brother to check out his new house and for his house warming party. They also got to meet his new girlfriend for the first time.

Mom was having a nice time at the party, chatting with my brother's friends, many of whom she has known since they were kids. (She (and Dad) are the kind of parents that our friends will actually go visit on their own, without us. They are pretty cool, usually.) So, anyhow, she's chatting in the kitchen with some of Kit's pals. She looks through the door into the living room and sees my brother and his girlfriend engaged in a rather long kiss. Mom excuses herself from the conversation, sneaks up on the young lovers and sticks her face right into theirs, yelling "SUCKY FACE! SUCKY FACE!" in her Marlene Dietrich meets Heidi Klum German acent.

This is a true story. Told to me on Saturday in laughing tones, by a woman who once pinned me down on the ground using her freakishly strong German arms and dropped spit trails over my face, only to suck the spit back up at the last second. I screamed and screamed and fought..... but she is STRONG and I only succeeded in dislodging the spit wad. Into my face. By then she was laughing so hard she ran out of spit (and the control thereof).

I was 26 at the time.

It all explains SO much, doesn't it?

Lucky 13

Today is my 13 year wedding anniversary.

I was going to write a bunch of stuff about good times, bad times and times in between, and how sometimes it seems like it's only been 4 years and other times it feels like 40.

But anyone who's been married knows all that shit.

So, I decided, instead, for brevity and a picture. Happy anniversary honey. 13 years. (and 5 before that...) 13's always been a lucky number for me, but then, I *am* evil.



I love you.