Planning ahead

I'm doing some planning ahead for upcoming trips.

Like, when I go to London, I've booked myself a haircut at a highly recommended salon for girls with curly hair. I'm gonna go for a big change because my hair is driving me nuts. I know i need some change when I keep my hair pulled back more than I wear it down. It's just kind of lame lately.
I'm not sure what I will have done. but I think it might be one of those things where i tell the hairdresser "Hey go nuts, just don't dye it purple or make it flat". Because no matter what, Texas gals like me keep the hair BIG.

Then that night when I have (hopefully) gorgeous hair, I got a ticket to Spamalot.

Spamalot! Who! I've only wanted to see that show for, like, EVER. And I so don't mind going by myself....not for something like this that I really want to see. Rich and I tend not to go to the theatre together because he is usually too tall for the seats and ends up being very uncomfortable all night, thus making ME uncomfortable when he puts his legs in my space. I don't mind being uncomfortable if I can see a show I really want to see. Like Spamalot! Woo!

While on the topic of British stuff, have you ever seen a very short and hilarious show called Posh Nosh? It's on BBC food, it lasts about 10 minutes. It's frigging hilarious, a total send up of those hoity toity food shows that Brits seem to excel at lately. Richard E Grant is one of the actors in it, and I have always had a slight crush on him. When you first see it you think it's for real, but then you start to catch on that it's a total spoof, just excellently and very cleverly done. As Wikipedia says: . For instance, they employ words in odd ways in parody of specific culinary terminology, such as "interrogate a lemon"; and their cooked vegetables are not peeled but "embarrassed," after which they might be "annoyed" instead of boiled. They also frequently insist on ultra-specific, often prohibitively expensive, ingredients - such as Greek currants that you actually have to fly to Greece to buy.

Here's a YouTube of one of the episodes:



Your daily giggle is on me. Enjoy!

some girls have all the luck

I'm an Old Timer......

You know you may have been living in Austin a little too long if:*

When you hear GM, you think of the old greasy spoon/steakhouse chain, not the auto manufacturer.

You think the bats under the Congress Avenue Bridge are swell, but you miss the downtown cricket infestations of the late '70s.

You try to remember to call it Cesar Chavez, but you just can't stop calling it First Street.

You were here in Austin when beer joints outnumbered nail salons.

You know at least two dozen people who can tell you what they were doing when Charles Whitman started shooting.

It may be Academy to everybody else, but to you it's still Academy Surplus.

You were here when the hippies stopped picking on developer Gary Bradley so they could pick on developer Jim Bob Moffett.

You still miss the chicken-fried steak at Truck City on Ben White Boulevard.

Whenever some yuppie honks in traffic, you mutter, "Must have just moved here from New Jersey."

You can remember when instead of labeling them condominiums, they just called them apartments. You know the difference between a condo and an apartment? About $500,000.

You can remember when all the hippies in town were carping about the South Texas Nuclear Project instead of carping about toll roads.

You can remember when you could actually get into Austin City Limits without knowing some bigshot like Michael Dell.

You still think that 52nd Street is halfway to Dallas.

You can remember when the Warehouse District actually had a few warehouses.

You can remember when Williamson County didn't have a law and order reputation because there was nobody there for the cops to stop but a few farmers.

You were around when the richest guy living in the 78704 ZIP code was probably some dude who had a regular job with the state.

You can recall people who weren't connected with the rodeo wearing cowboy hats downtown.

You were here when you could actually find a parking spot on Congress Avenue without circling the block three or four times.

You remember when you could see the Capitol while standing downtown on the ground flat-footed.

You can remember when people were arguing over the Edwards Aquifer instead of the location of the next Wal-Mart.

You can remember when Bee Cave Road was so far out in the country that you had to pack a lunch.

You were around when the biggest ham in town was Willie Kocurek instead of Marc Katz.

You really don't care about the loss of the Armadillo World Headquarters anymore because you can't stay awake that late these days anyway.

You were around back before they invented the chicken fajita, which you still think is pretty silly, since there's no such thing as a chicken fajita.

You can remember a day when nobody could name the tallest building downtown, because none of them were all that tall.

_______________________________________
*Article by John Kelso that I cut and pasted from the Austin American Statesman. Damn it's so true.....

worst Christmas ornaments ever.

My friend Jennifer (one of three, this one is the musician one) has posted some pictures of absolutely heinous Christmas ornaments.

Obviously you can see the level of humor me and my friends enjoy.

My fave? The treetopper....I love that.

Have any you want to share?

With friends like these.....

Email I got today from my "dear friend" Karla May:

Subject: If you were a poodle.....



(Karla opens the email and snorts with laughter)






Text: ...you'd be THIS poodle.

With friends like these, who needs humility?

gauntlet thrown down

Mags (and sorry I cannot link...but for some reason, on my mom's computer? I can't link. However, look at my link list and there Mags is.) has thrown down the haiku gauntlet.

Thus I present: Haikus to the lower parts of my body.

Skinny jeans. Big ass.
Something here does not look right.
Ack! Crack escaping!

My knees are frowning.
They are 20 years ahead
And groan frequently.

I'm sure this mirror
Is a lying sack of shit.
My hips aren't that big.

My scale hates me too.
It's in league with the mirror
To mess with my head.

My waist is tiny.
My ass is bootylicious.
My thighs? There's the rub.

I throw the gauntlet at Bookhart. Wait, I mean I toss the gauntlet before her. I'd also like to see Bonnie throw out a few......And Amamgets. I bet you'd come up with something fun........

oh these are good as well....

So from Dan and Eileen I've got "busier than a one legged man at a (Carolina) ass kicking contest."

From Stev I've gotten "Faster than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs." (And let me tell you, I know how that cat feels.)

La Turista had something about a peg legged man and a woman with a glass eye...but maybe it's best if she tells that one.....

C'mon people, keep 'em coming. What other colorful sayings did you grow up with? I know my mom has some really great ones in German. I'll have to get her to tell me them.

Speaking of German.....I'll be posting sporadically for the next few days. I have some beer and schnitzel in the very near future......tschuss!

George W Bush, I fart in your general direction.

karla, posted by cordydan.

My friend Dan sent me a link to his Flickr page. He likes to take photos and tweak them to make a statement. He's become quite the Photoshop master. And to think we used to waste all those brain cells in college getting drunk.

Here is one of his tweaks. He sent it to me last night and I am totally laughing my (ahem) ass off looking at it.

because I'm so classy

Rich tends to dawdle when we are on our travels, always pausing to take pictures and straying way behind me.

I get impatient and walk ahead, and then he complains that my butt is always getting into his picture. SO........I gave him some REAL butt to contemplate.


I know, I KNOW. I am SUCH the elegant jet setter, no?

My husband, the comedian

Rich sent me the following comic in an email entitled "I should have used this as my excuse":



Cuz he was always late from the Friday pub evenings and I am always getting mad at him.

I'm on to him now, but this excuse WOULD have worked had he not showed his hand already.

He's not smarter than me yet, but if he keeps this up, he might at least equal me.

Man Cook Meat. Fire! Fire! Fire!

This is the FIRST and probably LAST time I will ever do this, but I got this in an email today and it is so true I had to post it here. I was laughing like a loon (all by myself, which makes it even loonier). Girls reading this....I KNOW you will identify.....

______________________________________
BBQ Season

After several long months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking as it's the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger and involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

1) The woman buys the food.

2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

After that:

5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer and a clean platter for the meat while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

And then:

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

9) After serving dessert, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women .

I really hope they did this on purpose

I really hope the Aftenposten folks are playing punny with this headline:

Beaver Shot in Downtown Larvik.

Dude. I totally heard you.

Today I was at work in this interminable meeting. Mostly interminable because I had to piss like a racehorse and my bladder has a strict half hour time limit, and we were approaching the hour and a half mark.

Anyhow, during this endless meeting, talking about all sort of things that were termed by acronyms that I totally didn't get (WHY WHY does everything have to be initials? I mean, seriously? It's getting to the point where you have to call the guy in the next office the GITNO, and the coffee machine becomes the CDU, Coffee Dispenser Unit, for God's sake.).........um where was I? Acronyms....meeting...oh, yeah. I remember.

So, in this IM (interminable meeting) my coworker totally ripped ass (RA) and tried to pretend like nothing happened. Granted, it was a low slow rumbler (LSR) he let fly, one of those quiet bubbly ones that you think no one hears, but dude, I totally heard you. I saw the tell tale lean, I saw the concentrated expression you had where you pretended you were totally involved in the IM but were actually only focussed on what was happening in your sphincter vis a vis control vs air release vs noise factor = low slow rumbling fart. That one woulda been a TOTAL blaster had you been at home.

But you weren't at home and so you tried to sheen it out at the meeting. And guess who has supersonic hearing and always has? Why, me, your friendly co-worker (FC-W). So yeah, I heard you. Loud and Clear. And that concentrated look I suddenly had as I pretended to focus on the IM with the GITNO while drinking my beverage from the CDU? That look was me trying not to LOL.

You're lucky it didn't smell. Otherwise that would have been a major infraction of the OAE (Office Ass Ettiquette.)

it's faux war!

Dave has gotten on his faux high horse and called me to task for my wearing of faux fur.

While I see his faux point, I also think he ain't eaten til he's had a nice faux steak, cooked medium rare with a side of taters and faux gravy. It seems only natural to wear the skins of them, cuz you know, waste not, want not. Man that little faux in the cartoon looks YUMMY. I hear in some countries the eyes are a delicacy.

funniest tv commercial ever.

I've spent two days trying to find this tv ad on the web. It's only playing in Norway. It shows on TV frequently and I get a belly laugh every time I see it. It's SO TRUE about winter here....and look at the house in the background, it's VERY traditional Norwegian architecture.

Plus, coming from an Audi obsessed family, as a lover of dogs, and as one who is not good in snow, this ad pushes every button I have.

So, I hereby give you, my daily giggle.