Wednesday, March 01, 2006

things you should not do in a blizzard

It's snowing like this is hell and it's freezing over. I swear y'all, the snow is shoulder high now on some parts of our deck. I hope the building can handle all the weight!

Anyhow, I saw some things today that folks were doing that should not be attempted in sleety windy blizzardy SHITTY weather:

1) Do not try to eat a hot dog in a blizzard. It gets soggy, snow gets in your mouth, the wind blows your onions away, the hot dog freezes and it's just generally ugly and not alot of fun.

2) Do not eat said hot dog in a blizzard when you have a pierced lip and some of the hot dog and bun gets stuck in your lip ring, but you are too cold to notice and so it just sorta freezes right there on your lip and becomes a Pork Lip Bun Popsicle sort of thing. (Please, also don't do this when you are standing directly next to a tall Texan redhead on the train platform. It grosses her out, ok, honey? You'd be so cute if you didn't have frozen meat bun in your face.)

3) Bald men should always wear hats. Not only do they look kind of silly with snow perched atop their heads, but it CANNOT feel pleasant.

4) Don't, as I did, wear a fuzzy furry edged coat. It acts as a snow grabber and my jacket got heavier and heavier as snow embedded itself in my fun fluffy faux fur. Urgh.

5) Don't attempt the following things: Walking. Driving. Taking a train (it will be late anyhow). Looking anywhere but down. Leaving the house. Coming to Norway today.

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