Tuesday, March 28, 2006

cheap thrills and tiny women

Costs here vs costs in Norway are basically baht for kroner. The difference being, the kroner goes for 6.5 to the dollar, the baht 39 to the dollar.

A coke costs 20 baht. 20 kroner in Norway.

Lunch yesterday in the posh food court at the mall cost 45 baht ($1). Lunch in Sandvika in the mall, at the Ritz Cafe, 110 nok ($16) for the Thai Nudler (which I now laugh at, and heartily, Thai my ASS!)

Cab ride from the airport across town to Colleen's flat: 200 baht ($5.)
Cab ride from airport in Oslo to our flat: 700 nok. ($107)

Shoes: 99-200 baht
Noprway shoes: 300-2000 nok

Etc etc. Let's face it, it's CHEAP here. I got two dresses for $15 at a market yesterday. And, as the man selling them pointed out a little too vividly, they were the "extra large for westerners" sizes. he used all sorts of tall and wide hand signals to illustrate this. It's funny. People here are very blunt and very honest, but very kind. Yes, I am WAY bigger than 85% of the folks here, and I am kind of strange with this wild curly hair and the light eyes, and then I am tall, and boy they are gonna look at me and tell me about it! But it's all done in kindness. This is the first place I've ever been where i totally felt like a foreigner. I feel kind of exotic and strange.

The best, the absolute BEST part of it, though, is the 2 hour Thai massage I got tonight, for....250 baht. We went to this place where they teach Thai massage. Once in, a small gaggle of ladies walked in and each one of them picked one of us. The tiniest woman of them all made a beeline straight for me, the biggest of us all. (There were three of us in our group.) She laughed and took my hand, and led me over to the foot washing section, where she scrubbed my poor, mangled, horribly blistered feet. My left foot looks like a leper's worst nightmare. AFter the foot massage we got on the elevator up to the massage rooms, where apparently there was this one woman in charge of doing nothing but commenting on our bodies in Thai. I got the approval sign by way of the universal hand signals for "curvy" and then a thumbs up and lots of wiggling eyebrows. I got lucky. She grabbed another woman's boobs! It was a bit strange, but whatever, I guess our farang bodies are interesting to them as cultural experiments.

Anyhow, thence to the massage area, where my tiny lady gave me a t shirt and pajama bottoms to change into. Thai Large and American Large are two different things, so she had to go back to the "fat ass" closet to get me another pair of pants that were sufficiently baggy. Sartorial embarrassments aside, we then got busy.

For the next two hours this tiny woman bent me, beat me, smacked me, stepped on me, pounded me, folded me, rubbed me, origami'ed me, picked me up, threw me down, and made me her bitch. I've never quite been treated that way except in certain, ahem, other situations which shall not be recounted here. And certainly I've never been that intimate with another woman.

I loved every second of it. I feel like jello. It was the best $6 I ever spent.

I'm going back as soon as possible. I want to be her bitch some more......

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