Friday, April 22, 2005

My night was more exciting than yours.

What were you doing at 3:45 am?

I was getting burgled.

See? I told you my night was more exciting than yours.

Cussing will follow, if this offends, well, then, bugger off, ok?

We were awakened by a very small stealthy noise in the foyer upstairs. Then we saw a shimmering, wavy light. I was all "huh?" and sort of frozen, but Rich was really together. He reached under the bed and grabbed my trusty 7 iron (now used twice for protection purposes, which is two more than it's been used for golf purposes in the past year) and started just yelling whatever came to his head. He was up and running up the stairs before I could get the crust out of my poor shingled eyes. He scared the bugger off with his biggest, scariest voice yelling "Hey! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" as he ran up the stairs. By then I was right behind him.

What a sight we must have been, Rich 6'7", me 5'10" and wild haired crusty eyed, both of us in our underwear, Rich waving a golf club and me just waving my hands about uselessly, gasping words like "shit! fuck! whatthe? goddamn!". We ran outside but the bugger got away. We never saw him. It was like being burgled by a ghost.

We think that when Rich locked the door last night, he didn't get it to catch, and I didn't do my normal double checking. So there's no one to blame, really, except an opportunistic burglar who saw that our door was not locked and strolled right the fuck on in.

The mother fucker got my purse. My purse, my wallet, my cell phone, my Norwegian and my Texas drivers' licenses. My purse was a really cute Coach I got in January. So was my wallet, and my coin purse. I think I am more pissed about that than anything, as you CAN'T get Coach in Norway. And my cell phone was pretty expensive, too.

The cops came and took a report and spattered fingerprint dust all over everything. That stuff is impossible to clean up. (The cops, by the way, girls, were REALLY good looking, it must be a Norwegian law that cops and Embassy guards have to be smashingly handsome. I was really embarrassed to be in my t shirt, old shorts, ratty hair and red blotchy face, and faced with guys like that. Yeah, I'm married but a girl has her standards, you know? Nobody likes to look like crap when faced with man candy.)

I think you can guess that I did not go back to bed after all this. So we've been up since 3:45 am. Urg.

WHY THE FUCK DO WE KEEP GETTING ROBBED? I thought Norway was supposed to be this safe, quiet place where nothing ever happens and everyone trips happily through life without a care in the world! My car has been attempted stolen THREE TIMES (even with an alarm!), and now our house was robbed? What the FUCK? Who are these people and why are they picking on us???????

I tell you what, our house in Austin, a few times I left the door wide open all night or left the keys in the front door, nothing ever happened. I left my car in the front drive, unlocked, keys in the side pocket, every damn day. NOTHING EVER HAPPENED. America has a reputation for violence and crime, but I gotta say, I am more worried about my stuff here than I ever was in the US.

I guess I can look on the bright side and say that no one was hurt, the things he took were not irreplaceable. The folks at the drivers' license office, the bank, the insurance and the locksmith have all been really nice and very efficient. It shouldn't be a problem getting my credit cards replaced, and I have never waited such a short time for a driver's license in my life. That is all good. The burglar could have harmed us, had he wished. I'm glad that was not the case. So I do have a few things to be thankful for.

However, my sense of security has been shattered and I feel fairly violated. We both do. Physically, only a purse was taken, but mentally? Peace of mind, completely gone. And that, my friends, IS irreplaceable.

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