enough already!

I am SICK OF SNOW.

I am TIRED OF SNOW.

Snow is NOT FUN.

Walking down any street is like walking on the sandiest (and coldest) of beaches, you know when your legs go all uneven and it's hard to walk straight because the sand is all cattywampus? The snow on the ground has that wet loose sand consistency, making it an aerobic BITCH to get anywhere. We've got snow piled up almost half way up our floor- to- ceiling windows. That's about 4+ feet! Of snow! Landed where it fell, not moved around by us or anything. Just accumulated, like a freaking gigantic rain gauge that is slowly but surely sucking all the light out of my life.

Outside there are mountains of snow that have been pushed aside by the snowplows. Many of them are over 25 feet tall. It's insane. The Norwegians are telling us, if our doors start getting stuck or not opening properly, we have to go up on the roof and remove the snow as it means it's too heavy for the house. I mean, seriously, what the friggedy fuck? Snow bending your house out of shape?

They say it's the most snow since 1966 or something. Aren't I lucky to be here for that record?

The thing that bugs me most is....all that snow has gotta melt sometime. Spring can be messy and very unlovely, and I remember my first spring here, watching this one damned little pile of snow on our deck slooooowly melting away for all of April, until finally by about May 5th it finally disappeared. It was an excruciating exercise in patience and spring fever, and I remember hating that damned pile of snow. I don't want to think about how long it will take to melt the many feet of snow on our deck now, or the yards of snow along the streets and in the parks.

Face of Jesus in my Quesadilla, y'all.

And I am SO not lying.

I made quesadillas tonight. (I make 'em GOOD, too.) In the third one I made, there He was. About an inch and a half across. I called Rich over and I'm all like, "Does that look like Jesus in my quesadilla?" And he's all "Holy (haha) Shit! It DOES!" So he took pictures.

Tell me if you can see it.




Did you see it? I SWEAR it is exactly as it appeared, right out of the frying pan. It is NOT retouched or photoshopped or anything.

Here's another shot, with a circle around the face:

See? It IS Him, in'it?

Of course I ate it. My quesadillas are really good. Did I mention that? Didn't want to waste it.

But then, I just thought of something: did I really screw up and I should have saved it and sold it on eBay, like the grilled cheese sandwich with the Virgin on it?

senior kino

Today is a snowy shitty day. It does not help my mood whatsoever. In an effort to escape, I caught a matinee at the movies today. I LOVE matinees. In Austin I'd go any chance I could on a day off or whatever. My own decadent treat.

The problem is, matinees are not very common here. The only way you can see them, generally, is to go to either the weekly senior kino (kino = cinema) or the baby kino. These are special showings of movies targeted at the older crowd or for moms with babies. The baby kino is right out for me, as I am baby free and not terribly interested in hearing babies hollering and screaming while the movie plays. (Moms bring the babies to baby kino. If I were a mom it would be great, though even then I don't think it would be terribly fun to see a movie with crying kids around. Still, it's a way for them to get out and I am all for it, it's a nice concept.)

So I catch the senior kino. It plays on Wednesdays in my town, and on Tuesdays in the nearby one. Luckily there are no actual age restrictions on that. It's also nice because the tickets are a little cheaper and you get free coffee and waffle when you go. (Waffles are THE snack hereabouts.) It's quite possibly the only free food you'll ever get in Norway.

Today I saw "Walk the Line". I thought it was incredible. I really think that Reese Witherspoon (who was never one of my favorites) and Joaquin Phoenix (who keeps rising and rising in my estimation) did an amazing job. I mean, they BECAME those characters. And I had no idea that either of them had such good voices. I was especially impressed wtih Reese Witherspoon. I've always felt she was a bit cold and contained in her roles, like "Look at me! I'm Reese and I am cute and I am ACTING!". But in this role she was phenomenal. I finally looked at her as the character and not as that Type-A actress with the strong determined chin.

It was a nice treat on a day such as this.

Another nice thing is all the great links everyone has sent in response to my cry for new stuff. I want to say THANK YOU so much for giving me heads ups on such great stuff. I am still working through them. The blogging community ROCKS. I really appreciate you all being so nice. I'll do a post with my favorites that I have found through your suggestions soon. I've already book marked quite a few.......

I'm bored

I am totally bored and have a major case of the blahs, which is sliding down into a depression. Hey, it happens at times and it IS winter and it IS ass cold out.

This is where you come in. Can you help me?

Part of my boredom is the fact that I check the same blogs and websites every day. I'm loyal. And while I adore my blog buddies and the websites I got to are super informative, I need new meat, people! New stuff! New entertainments! New stuff to see and giggle about and read.

So, if you read this post, would you leave a comment with a link to a website or blog that you check every day that you enjoy? It can be a news site (I don't want TOO political, I am fighting depression, after all), or a blog or a gossip thing or an arty thing or whatever. Whatever you check every day, that's on your must-list, that you think I might enjoy adding to my rotation.....

A big thanks from me to you......

There's cold and then there's COLD

It's 10 degrees outside, people! And that's Fahrenheit, not Celcius. In Celcius it's minus 13! Like Moscow.....

It's been really cold all weekend. It was 5 degrees F on Sunday when I got up at 9:30. Which means it was even colder over night. We probably hit the big 0.

I have to admit, it hasn't gotten THIS cold very often in the time I've been in Norway. The winters aren't really that hard, just long (oh so very long) and dark. So when it does get this cold, it wierds me out a little. I mean, there really just is not a way to dress for it. You will just be cold when you are outside. Just face it. You'll be cold.

The problem is, when you get inside you swelter and sweat inside your 12 layers of clothes. You've suddenly gone from 5 degrees outside to 75 inside, hot dry air blasting you in the face, people all running around in small enclosed shops. Then you've got your bulky puffy coat and your sweater and your scarf, gloves, hat, etc., to contend with.

Glamour goes right out the window. When the hat comes off, I look the Michelin man with troll hair.

I am impressed that our metal and glass flat stays so warm though. The thermometer has us pegged at 68 degress inside...and that's in the cooler part over by the windows. I'd say it's a good heater that can keep up a 60+ degree difference between outside and in.

And now I have to motivate myself to put on enough clothes to get me to the gym to work out, just so that I can then remove 3/4 of them and shove them into a tiny locker while I do the workout, and smell the smell of 30 other folks who have all released their sweltering bods from too many layers of clothes also. Oy.

I'll remind you all of this when you tell me that my living overseas is so "glamorous", ok?

funniest tv commercial ever.

I've spent two days trying to find this tv ad on the web. It's only playing in Norway. It shows on TV frequently and I get a belly laugh every time I see it. It's SO TRUE about winter here....and look at the house in the background, it's VERY traditional Norwegian architecture.

Plus, coming from an Audi obsessed family, as a lover of dogs, and as one who is not good in snow, this ad pushes every button I have.

So, I hereby give you, my daily giggle.

stanked right off the treadmill

Dudes.

Nasty.

I went for my workout today and I was doing really well. I had the iPod rolling (I have a new workout mix I've titled "fucked up angry shit" which has all the stuff that really makes me roar and push it), I was 20 or so minutes into it on the "gluteal hill climb" on the treadmill and I had a good sweat going. 10 more minutes to go, then I could cool down. Oh yeah.

Let me preface this by saying, I am one of those people who cannot function without a shower or a bath every day. (Which is why I don't camp or stay anywhere that does not have flushing toilets and copious hot water.) Additionally, I am a bit of a freak in that I like to shower BEFORE I work out. I like to go to the gym all nice and clean, so my sweat is clean, and my hair is still slightly damp and it cools me off. Then when I do sweat, I radiate the scent of flowers or musk or whatever shower gel/good smelly I slathered on myself earlier. In other words, I am THE person you want to workout next to and I for damn sure know that any bad smells are NOT coming from me, you know?

So, back to the story. I'm rolling along, feeling the burn in my bum, (from the workout, not cuz I ate something that didn't agree with me!) trying not to sing NIN out too loud, when this guy gets on the treadmill next to me. He starts it up and about 5 seconds later I am attacked, engulfed and otherwise surrounded by the nastiest STANK of all stanks. Dudes, I couldn't help it, I gagged. Literally gagged. Have you ever run and breathed hard and gagged all at once? I don't recommend it. This dude (probably in his 50's, looked like a totally normal mid-management level office geek kinda guy) had a miasma rolling off him that was so bad I could almost see it. I thought I would soldier on, but after another 20 seconds I had to get out of there.

THAT pisses me off, as I was doing great and was not ready to stop. It threw me off my routine totally. So I went and did some desultory weightlifting and some crunches and ab work, but the smelly stank-ass office dude totally messed me up. I mean, granted, I do have a very sensitive nose, but this guy? Oh my effing GOD! Ew! Gross! Has this guy ever had a bath? I think not!

Can I sue? For nasal torture or something? Seriously? Would it work if I carried around a spray bottle of Febreze and just surreptitiously nuked the dude when he wasn't looking? I think it would only be fair. He puts his smell on me, I put mine on him in return?

I'm taking another shower, just in case it's catching......

working out at the norwegian gym

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Blog tip #42: when you are at a loss for words, post a picture or do a meme.....

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4: "The southern coast stretches over 1000 km to the border with Malaysia, while the eastern coastal fringe of the Gulf of Thailand runs 400 km to Cambodia."

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can and see what you touch: An Acoma, NM pot.

3.What is the last thing you watched on TV? Um...America's Next Top Model..

4.Without looking, guess what time it is: 12:30 p.m.

5.Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 12:48 p.m.

6.With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Morphine on the iPod attachd to the stereo.

7.When did you last step outside? What were you doing? Yesterday night on way back from Oslo. It snowed, rained and sleeted all within one hour. I'm not going outside today. No way no how.

8.Before you started this survey, what did you look at? Cy's webpage, where I stolded it from.

9.What are you wearing? Black and white floral satin jammy pants, a white "wife beater" tank top, a black Moroccan robe heavily embroidered with gold that I bought off a street merchant in Marakech. (sounds more interesting that way than just saying "I'm slobbing today.") Bare feet, hair pulled back. striped underwear. (I hate hate HATE the word "panties".)

10.Did you dream last night? yes. But I'm not tellin'.

11. When did you last laugh? last night with my friend Yooolia. She's coolia.....

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Jewelry I made, a framed French perfume ad ("Vivadou Mavis") from the 1920's, a wrought iron candle holder, sans candle, a Harper's calendar.

13. Seen anything weird lately? I just looked in the mirror not 10 minutes ago.

14. What do you think of this quiz? One of the better ones. But this question is stupid.

15. What is the last film you saw? "Ryktet Gar", which in English is "Rumour Has it".

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? First thing? A beer. Then, a plane ticket home. Then buy a sweeeet car. Then I'd pay off all my bills and possibly run for office under the "let's be reasonable, people!" party ticket. And then I'd change the freakin' world.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know. I've been listening to the band Morphine alot lately. Ties in with my existential angst.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Put women in charge. In one stroke it would eradicate so many problems in this world. Men have mucked it up but something fierce. I am tired of their aggression and their politics and their testosterone.

19. Do you like to dance? Love it. But only to techno music. I'm a pretty terrible couples dancer.

20.George Bush: WARNING. You are being monitored: Hell, I'd say it to his face "YOU SUCK! You suck you suuuccckkk!"

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Virginia.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? One of "them".

23. Would you ever consider living abroad? ha! I AM a broad!

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? "That will be a $5 cover, please. The open bar's over there."

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal: tag yourselves, people. What am I your mother?
(But I just checked Kjersti's blog and she tagged me. So double impetus for me to do it. Kjersti, what are pirate panties??)

we can look at this one of two ways:

We can look at the bendy snow and think "Wow. Isn't nature amazing? How does it do that? Isn't it cool? It's like Dali come to life!".

Or we can think, "What the FUCK? When do I get out of this? When do I get to go to Thailand? Can that bendy snow fall and kill me, like a blunt trauma to the head?"




It's kinda one of those "Glass half full/half empty" things, in'nt?

It's blizzarding outside, so I am going to wrap myself ina blankie and watch Buffy. It seems a Buffy sort of day....

upcoming travel

Well, it seems as though I've got some exciting travel news. Colleen, my very cool stepmom in law, (though that is her position in the family, to me she is just Colleen, the wonderful) lives in Bangkok and we are going out to visit her in late March. I will be there for a bit before Rich comes to join.

Colleen has so far booked us trips to Chang Mai, Krabi beach and Luang Prabang in Laos. Yeah, Laos. I love the fact that I am going to go to a place that I know NOTHING about. I have to start reading. Laos. Wow. Luang Prabang is a UNESCO world heritage site. That's it as far as my knowledge goes.

When we are in Thailand it will be the season of the Songkran Festival, or Thai New Year. The locals run around dousing each other with water as part of the celebration. I've been told I will not escape getting wet. I'll try to remember not to wear anything that is dry clean only.

I cannot believe I am going to Laos. And as for Krabi beach, well, I haven't been to an authentic, 'lie in the sun and be a bum' beach in YEARS. I am SO looking forward to that. Especially as it snowed another 2 feet here this weekend. Ugh.

It gives me such inspiration to work out and get my body back into bikini shape. I used to have a really good bikini body. I gotta get it back.
Oh crap.
I just realized I have to buy a swimsuit. Is there anything worse than buying a swimsuit in the dead of winter when you are overweight, out of shape and scaly fish white? Looking at myself in a three way mirror and seeing nothing but white frozen goose bumps and other, "gotta get rid of 'em" bumps? AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok go ahead and laugh

here's me in the 9th grade poofy pink dress......I had my Dad scan the only Polaroids my folks could find of it. Apparently in the picture on the left, I not only got my hair cut off short, but also had my head removed. Back then I took bad hair days very seriously.

blah blah blog

Random shit for today....

Let's see...um....

I'm having a real hard time getting used to this Mac keyboard. Something keeps happening and the cursor jumps back into the middle of a sentence I already wrote and so I end up writing a sentence within a sentence. That is, IF it doesn't somehow mysteriously delete what I had written previously first. It's happened about five times in the past five minutes. I either type too fast or I am losing my aim. I dunno but some wrong buttons are definitely getting pressed.

I went for my second workout at the gym today. A guy named Roar (such a great name) set me up with a workout routine. He showed me some of the old stand-by exercises but then also some new shit that is SO gonna kick my ass. I could hardly do them. I'm out of shape, but in wierd ways. Like my stomach muscles are really strong but I've lost almost all my upper body strength I had developed. Why is that? I can walk forever, and climb hills, but running? Forget it. Ouch. I will hurt tomorrow. No doubt about that.

After my work out I went to the little mall for a bit and saw something scary. A little girl got her shoe string caught in the escalator. She was about 7 years old and her shoe was untied and when she got to the end of the escalator, her string just went into one of the slats and she was stuck. She stood there, confused and inefectually yanking her leg like she was a bear in a bear trap, but her mom was really cool, just bent over and reversed it out, no fuss no muss. The little girl howled and hollered afterward and her mom was like "What is your deal? Jeez, calm down! That was no problem!" I thought the mom handled it well, all told. Norwegian moms are really laid back, I like the way they tend to handle their kids.
I was also impressed to see the escalator shut down automatically. Like it has a sensor or something for things like that. A shoestring isn't even that big of a thing, so it was good to see that the escalator has such a sensitive "off" button in it.

Have you heard about this uproar over Danish cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammed? It's pretty big news here. It seems a bit out of hand to me, like a small radical group are just waiting for a reason to mob together and destroy. I won't get on my soapbox on this one, I'm kind of freaked at how over the top it's getting.....I will, however, send you over to the BBC discussion pages for some really interesting comments, I think you will be able to tell which ones agree with.....

Today's vocabulary words

So the last installment of new words we had here were "cousband" which is what happens when you marry your cousin. (We also got "spouster" at the suggestion of my friend Alan, that's when you marry your sister.) (Ew.)

Thanks to Bonnie we have a raft of new words:

Masturdate: That's when you go on a date alone. Like, you take yourself to a movie and lunch. And you really enjoy it.

Masturdebate: (one of my old words): This is when you argue with yourself.

Masturberate: When you beat yourself up for saying the wrong thing.

I hate to say "I Told You So"

I've been saying from the very beginning of my sojourn in Oslo, "This is the most expensive place in the world".

Friends in the US looked at the statistics on the latest web driven list and said "Well, it might feel that way but actually London or Tokyo (or whatever) is most expensive. See? Here's the "official stats" ". And I said, yeah, yeah, whatever, but let me tell you, from my experience and my bit of travelling, and from the things I tend to spend money on, Oslo is definitely the most expensive.

Well, all I can say now is "HA!". Ha! Ha!

For all you who need some sort of statistical survey driven proof, WOOP! there it is! I've gotten links like this sent to me by about 15 friends now, all saying the same thing "You were right all along". And I'm all like, "Ya think?"

The only reason Oslo is actually getting credit for being so overwhelmingly pricey right now is that the fluctuations of the dollar and the yen have made Japan cheaper than it used to be. But whatever. Here in Norway, I spend kroner. And the prices, in kroner, are still as high as they ever were, whether you compare it to dollars or not.

Last night we went out for pizza and beer. (In the US pizza and beer are the cheap option for dining out. Here? The reverse.) The pizza cost 236 nok and the beers were 76 nok each. Go to your favorite currency calculator and convert that to your coinage of choice. Then go to your local pizza joint and see how much a pizza and two beers cost. Hell, go ahead and put your pizza into the currency converter and see how many kroners that American or British pizza cost......

Uhuh. Yeah.

I won't even TALK about the taxes that are about to cripple us. I'm not even going there.

But at least it's nice to get official credit for what I been sayin' all along: It's DAMNED expensive here.

Fits and starts with the iPod

After many false starts and not a little annoyance, I am finally off and running with the iPod.

I won't bore you with the details. (Well, I had started doing just that, but I deleted it and am re-writing this bit as I realized the details were about 6 paragraphs long and almost every sentence started with "The fucking iPod", "The fucking PC (or Mac)", or, most especially "Fucking iTunes!".) Let's just say I've got it sorted now, shall we?

While I was at it I also put some of my favorite cd's into iTunes, and rediscovered some old friends along the way.

One album that I have always loved in its entirety is an old Thompson Twins one, called "Queer". It was released pretty much after they had fallen from the heights of their 80's fame. Total shame because I think alot of people missed out on something great. MAN that's an awesome album. Upbeat, with a little middle eastern feel to some of it, happy dancey techno-y rock with that Thompson Twins lyricism.

I mixed that up with a lot of NIN and Depeche Mode, some Neil Finn, Robert Plant, Dead Can Dance, Gary Numan, Love and Rockets and some random dance stuff (like some great stuff you can download for free from DJ Lauer. He kicks ASS!). I plan to use the iPod alot with my new gym membership. Which I seem to be procrastinating on using by instead writing this blog entry.

So, off my lazy ass and hence to the gym! Test out the new music and boogy some of my buns off! I've got a semi-hard deadline of dropping about 8 lbs by the time I go to Bangkok......they've tightened the baggage requirements, you know. Especially carry on.

Mini Chaos

Our building is having its one year warranty check up. That means that the owners of the flats and the people who built the building go through and point out any problems that have cropped up over the first year of the building's existence.

Apparently there are many. Settling, cracks, noise issues, floors, etc. The building has been settling pretty severely and they are actually having to shore up bits of it. Eek!

What it means for us, as tenants, is that the landlord gets all his future problems fixed, but we have to move all our furniture around for the fixing.

So, right now, I have my very heavy, book filled armoire standing in the middle of the living room, books in piles everywhere, while the workman removes the baseboards on the wall behind and lowers them 1/4 inch. (??) Either the floor is sinking or the baseboards are too high, I'm not sure what's going on here. We also had to move the china cabinet and the bookshelf in the kitchen for the same reason. The dude is also filling some cracks on the walls and repainting those.

Now tell me this: Why do workdudes always smell the same? You know how when you have a carpenter or a contractor come over they always smell of paint and cigarettes and something else, just on the edge of unsavory, like they bathed in sheetrock dust? That smell also exists here in Norway! It's a worldwide smell, not just American! Plus the dude is also one of those noisy breathers, and I can hear him breathing through the whole house. It's kinda slurpy sounding, it's icky. Like he's breathing (and talking) with his tongue hanging out. Rather like a slobbery warthog. Squishy slurpy. Slurpy squishy. Eeeuuuwwcchh.

He keeps saying he has to "go get more tools" and takes off for an hour. Well, it's been three days now, how many damn more tools do you need and can I LEAVE THE HOUSE AGAIN EVER? I've just joined the gym and want to work out! (I probably, knowing me, only want to go work out because right now I can't, that would be so like me.)

Apparently the time schedules and excuses for not getting things done are, like the smell, pan-continental.

Update: he got here at 9:30, took an hour and a half for lunch and left at three, complaining about what a hard day he had. By my calculations, he worked a total of 4 hours. Hey everybody, come to Norway and be a contractor! You can snort and snobble all over someone's house AND work only a half day!

Get out of my way

Get out of my way, posted by megpickard.

Ah if only this was true. If only I could pass these out to those ANNOYING people who keep STANDING in my way. Get out of the freaking doorway!

This especially goes to those who think it is a good idea to come to a dead stop immediately after stepping off an escalator, thus forcing those behind them to back up, which is damned hard to do on an escalator!

Drinkering and smokering and drivering

Funny article about a car and Norway.

I am so using the term "drinkering" from now on.

Four. Fire. Quatro. Quatre. However "four" is spelled auf Deutsch.

Four Jobs You’ve Had In Your Life:

1. Visual Display Designer (they called us "fluffers" in the store, I shit you not)
2. Decorative Painter
3. Co-Proprietress for Victoria's Secret (Horrible title for Co-Manager)
4. ChamberMaid in a hotel in Yosemite National Park

Four Movies You Could Watch Over And Over:

1. Moonstruck
2. Victor/Victoria
3. Grosse Point Blank
4. Pride and Prejudice (6 hour BBC version)

Four Places You’ve Lived:

1. Houston Texas
2. Austin Texas
3. Oklahoma City Oklahoma
4. Oslo Norway

Four TV Shows You Love To Watch: (I'm limiting to what I can get in Norway)

1. Project Runway (so far only season 1, sigh)
2. America's Next Top Model
3. Simpsons
4. Mythbusters

Four Places You’ve Been On Holiday:

1. Marrakech Morocco
2. Malta
3. Budapest Hungary
4. The Nile, Egypt

Four Blogs You Visit Daily:

1. Up From Sloth
2. Karla May
3. Dave
4. Leslie

Four Of Your Favorite Foods:

1. Shrimp Tacos at Chuy's
2. Vietnamese Bun with eggrolls and roasted pork slices
3. pasta with pesto cream sauce
4. Chocolate cake with white icing

Four Places You’d Rather Be:

1. Austin Texas
2. Beaufort, S.C. and the Shrimp Shack
3. Tent Rock, Santa Fe
4. London, always London

Four Albums You Can’t Live Without:

1. Downward Spiral, Nine Inch Nails
2. Try Whistling This, Neil Finn
3. Spirit Chaser, Dead Can Dance
4. Dirty Vegas, Dirty Vegas

Four Vehicles I’ve Owned: (or that Daddy gave me)

1. A yellow 1967 Corvair Convertible
2. A white 1964 Renault Caravelle Convertible
3. A red 1990 Honda Civic Hatchback
4. The 1997 Subaru Outback Sport, sigh.

I'm tagging Kjersti. But only if she wants to. C'mon Kjersti, WAKE UP!

Vikings at the Door, or, Do Not Wake the Karla

The astute reader will notice that this post is being written before 9am. This is very rare.

I was awakened from my slumber by Vikings this morning.

Well, sorta.

Anyone who has known me for any period of my life (and especially those who have traveled with me) know that I am NOT, by ANY stretch of the imagination, a morning person. The lengths I will go to get that extra five minutes of bed time are ludicrous. I don't like getting out of the warm soft bed. I just don't. And once I am up, it still takes me a while to figure out where, what and who I am. The brain definitely lags behind the body.

So this moring imagine my glee when our claxon-like doorbell goes off at God Only Knows When AM. My head shot off the pillow like a rocket. WTF? Rich was in the shower, and as such, not a good candidate for door opening, even though he was closest. I got up and stumbled to the front door, only to remember "Pants!" at the very last moment. I found Rich's Ants in the Pants boxers on the floor and pulled them on. I peeped out the peephole (well, peeping is cute, what I did was more of a scrunchy peer or a one eyed scowl) and saw my friend Russell* and another blonde guy. HUH? What's Russell doing here? How did he get here? Isn't he in the States? Did i miss something? This is not my beautiful house...what? Wait!
OH, it's not Russell. Just a Norwegian that looks an awful lot like him. With another guy. Wow that was wierd. By then I had opened the door and had a look on my face that was a cross between "Hey, what's up!" , "Huh?" and a small hibernating ferret tentatively sniffing the breeze.

Needless to say, this made an interesting starting point from which to destroy any further coherent conversation.

"Hi?"
The Russell look-alike says, "Hei!"
"Yeah?"
"Hello. We are here to do some warranty work on your flat".
"Oh." Put hand to head in horror as I realize I've got a serious case of bedhead. "Um. Oh".
"Yes."
"Um, What time is it?"
(This person has obviously been up for HOURS) "It's after 8 o clock!"
"Oh. Um. Who are you?"
"I am with the building company."
"Oh." pause "I just woke up."
"Yes".
"My husband is in the shower".
Blonde guy speaks. Slowly, like to a four year old. "Oh. We have met before when I came to do some work here. I am Lars." he shakes my hand.
pause ...."Yes, I remember". (I didn't but you have to observe the niceties even when wearing Ants in the Pants boxers.)
The Russell twin takes back over. "Why don't we come back in an hour?"
"Um, yes please?"
"Ok."
"Ok."

So apparently the owner knew they were coming, but we didn't. No warning whatsoever. Rich finished his shower, I managed to get myself in the shower and slightly more awake and so now have wet head and not bed head. Lars came back without the other guy and is fixing cracks and things on the walls. I made him coffee.

Lesson learned? Being invaded by Vikings is really quite civilized these days. At least now they ring the bell first. It's that scary Kraut that answers the door they have to be careful of. She's tricky.

*Russell has not updated his blog in a while, apparently.

The House in Austin After

Is this not the whitest kitchen you have ever seen?

Bedroom. I like the color but I think I liked the depth of the previous color wash better. I might funk it up once we get back. But oh the windows are GORGEOUS now.
The dining room looks much more sophisticated, and the floor polish really helped. Here's the befores.

Front of the house. Note the overhanging magnolia tree...it's huge and takes up half the front yard. Also notice my new gravel french drain cum sidewalk on the right.

A plumber found that horsehoe under the house.

Me! Me! Meme! Me! Me!

I stole this from Bookhart and Badger and Malcontent Mama and Karla May and...and....

A - Accent:From Houston, sounds Midwestern, I'm told, but with liberal usage of "y'all".
B - Breakfast: A mocha with vanilla and some yummy Norwegian toast.
C - Chore you hate: Putting clothes away after doin the laundry. Emptying the dishwasher. Tidying of any sort. I'll scrub anything, but man I hate picking stuff up.
D - Dad's name: Terry
E - Essential everyday item: Glasses
F - Flavor ice cream: Gold Medal Ribbon from Baskin Robbins.
G - Gold or silver?:yes. OK, ok. Used to be silver but I am swinging to the gold.
H - Hometown: Austin by way of Houston.
I - Insomnia: right now I've got it like a mother fucker. I can't sleep!!!!! Jet lag still?
J - Job title: Bon Vivant.
K - Kids: nope.
L - Living arrangements: The sofa is sort of cattywampus and it faces the TV.....oh sorry, I thought it said living room arrangements.
M - Mom's birthplace: Germany, in the Schwarzwald.
N - Number of significant others: 4 (What the fuck does this mean?)
O - Overnight hospital stays: Tonsilitis, appendectomy, miscarriage, so that's three. .
P - Phobia: anything with more than four legs, under or out of the water. George Bush.
Q - Queer?: no, but I still think I'm cool. Just a little eccentric.
R - Religious affiliation: none. Don't get me started.
S - Siblings: one younger brother.
T - Time you wake up: Today? 1 am. 3 am. 5 am. 11 am. arg.
U - unnatural haircolors you've worn: every shade of red known to man, and a few that aren't.
V - vegetable you refuse to eat: brussel sprouts, they taste like farts smell. green red yellow peppers. Yuck.
W - worst habit: nail biting. nail picking. nail destroying.
X - x-rays you've had: dental, head, tummy, blah blah.
Y - yummy: fried anything. Mexican food. Vietnamese food. vanilla mochas. jaffa cakes. steamed dumplings. honey mustard dressing. steaks at Austin Land and Cattle. Norwegian sour cream.
Z - zodiac sign: SO very Leo.

Gallery of regrettable dresses

Oh man, y'all, this whole prom dresses thing is bringing me back to some BAD flashbacks of fashion choices.

Like I just remembered:

The Belle Ball of 1982. I was a freshman. Oh so young. Baby, really. I had a HUGE crush on this boy named Brian. He, unfortunately had a HUGE crush on my best friend at the time, Rachel. I asked him to the Belle Ball. That was painfully hard for me to do, but he said yes, and I was thrilled. So to make it special, the day of the Ball I got my hair cut. Up til then I had long hair that my Mom sort of arranged into a series of Three's Company ponytails. Either one on each side or one high one in the back or whatever. I had that hair whacked off into the most butch dyke haircut you can imagine. But in true 80's style, without products, it looked like a hair helmet. Old lady hair helmet. Oh it was BAD.

My dress? Oh the dress went GREAT with the hair. It was a poofy pink strapless net and lace HOOPED affair. A hooped dress with butch dyke hair? Oh man. Every time I sat down my dress swooped up and popped me in the face. I had to stuff it between my legs and hold tight or it would just attack me again. Everyone and I do mean EVERYONE was treated to an impromptu view of my underwear at some point in that night. And the dress tore, so I had to safety pin it up at the shoulder.

That was a bad night. I so did not know how to be on a date, and every bit of that night goes down in memory as an excruciating reminder of why I did not have many dates in high school. And why the boys I liked always went for my friends instead of tall, gawky Nympho Eyed me....

I gotta find the picture from this. Maybe my folks have it and can scan it.

Oh but it gets better. Sophomore year my dress was almost an exact replica of Lady Di's wedding dress. I had no idea it was until, like, YEARS later, when I realized, holy crap! Replica of Lady Di's dress! (Bummer, really, as the dress was quite unique at the time and I would have been bummed had I known it was a knockoff. I really really liked that dress....) My date was a basketball player I had a crush on (he also went for one of my friends) and he had a twin brother. Between the two of them, there were like 13 feet of Holmes brothers. Anyhow, he wore an exact replica of Kevin Bacon's tux in Footloose. And we all thought it was totally cool. In retrospect I should have asked the other brother. He was nicer.

So to recap: 10th grade dance. I'm Lady Di and he's Kevin Bacon. And we both thought we were the shit. Oh holy crap.

High school is just painful, y'all. Just painful.

A Progression of Big Hair

Bookhart, Malcontent Mama, Karla May, and some others have been posting pics of themselves in high school prom dresses. There has also been discussion of big hair. And rampant 80's style. The gauntlet has been thrown. The dare has been issued. Here we go, a progression of my big hair from high school into college.

Picture 1) Me, 10th grade. Hair not so big, what you can't see is the scary mullet thing happening in the back and I think I also had a tail. This is the closest, the absolute closest I ever got to wings in my life. This is also the closest I ever got to smiling in a high school picture. I hated my smile and I wanted to look "mysterious". What the fuck ever.

Picture 2, 11th grade. I've always rather liked this picture but why the HELL didn't I straighten that earring? I was quite the fashion girl, always on the best dressed lists, and I remember this outfit very well. A black cowl necked dress made out of sweatshirt material that I wore with those pink "Doggie in the sun" earrings, a black double wrap around belt and black ankle boots. I was HIP man, totally 80's stylin'. My hair has actually gotten a tiny bit smaller here. That would never happen again in my life. Note lack of smile. I look, like, 30 here.
Picture 3) Prom. 1986. That's me and Lawrence. Lawrence was the best friend of my ex-boyfriend Mark. We all hung around together. Mark and I still liked each other, but he was dating someone else at the time. (We eventually got back together and then went our separate ways in college, but he is still a friend, and is now in Iraq. Arg.) Anyhow, Lawrence was voted "Most Handsome Sophomore". I remember after the prom I had tons of girls asking me for one of my prom pictures, just so that they could have a picture of Lawrence. I was all like, "No!", cuz I knew they'd cut me out of the picture and I paid for those pics so why would I give them to those bitches just to have them cut me out? Girls suck.
Anyhow, the dress was a black velvet strapless Victor Costa that I remember dragging my Mom to the Galleria to see. And buy. It cost $300 (To this date still my most expensive dress ever, including my wedding dress!). It had a tulle skirt with giant black velvet polka dots scattered here and there. I felt like that myserious woman in black in that Sargeant painting. I love that dress, still have it and can still wear it!
Picture 4, Freshman year, college, 1987. This is where the hair starts getting BIG. This was on a spring break trip to New York. You can hardly tell where the horse ends and the hair begins.
Ironically, when riding that horse, I ended up falling off it and cracking my skull on the road because my hair was too big for the riding helmet. Big hair can be a safety hazard. I almost had a concussion.
Picture 5) Me in New York City,1987, on a seesaw in the park. This was during my "Lennon glasses" phase. I still think I look cool here. My mom made the coat, the sweater was vintage. I like the layered look. Still do. My hair almost obscures the building behind me.

Picture 6, Oxford, England, Summer of 89. Uh, yeah. Now that's some BIG Hair! That was the summer I met Rich. I wonder if the bigger the hair the more confident? Cuz damn I was apparently very confident. This was right before we went to the Oxford Summer Ball, where I got very very drunk and was the scandal of all Oxford society when I slid down the banister of Town Hall and fell off, exposing my seriously holey tights to everyone. I was NOT graceful.
Jeez my face looks positively chubby in that photo.
I still have a hard time trying to get my hair to NOT part on the side like it did in the 80's. It got trained and remember how when you had long hair, you parted it on the side and then tilted your head to keep it there? I was a major head tilter. Arg. I'm surprised my head is not tilted in this shot.

freaky weather

After all the snow of last week, today Oslo and Stockholm are the warmest places in Europe. They are having snow in Athens, Greece. We are warmer than Spain and France.

What is UP with the weather? It's like it turned upside down.....

Quicky in the Swamp of Death.....

.....and other classic romance titles.

Go here for some of the funniest romance novel covers you'll ever see. (Yeah, they are spoofs, but oh my, how inspiring.) I might have to do one based on one of Laurel K Hamilton's Vampire Porn books.

One word:

AAAGGGHHH!!!!!!!*

*It's a David Hasselhoff video. I found it on Kjersti's blog. It's...it's....everything you expect.

Gettin' a leg up

Well after the photo debacle of the last post I have made some progress. I've finally figured out how to make the iPod just act as an external hard drive without the rather authoritarian influence of iTunes. (Duh Karla, even on the PC you can still just click and drag your media from one drive to the other!) So now I've managed to get most of my photo archive onto the Mac just by dragging it onto the hard disk. No iPhoto needed. And I can arrange them as I see fit.

Plus I found a piece of software that might do very nicely thank you very much.

It's called iView Media. I think it might work. I like that it is fully customizable and that it lets you file your stuff the way you want. Sorry, control freak me just can't hang with the iPhoto thing. I have to have things organized the way my brain works, which, unfortunately for me and iPhoto's future relationship, is NOT chronological.

I also have an older version of Adobe Photoshop Elements around here, which I can put on the Mac and have as a back up photo-tweaker.

I won't delete iPhoto, I'm not cruel, and once I feel more secure with the Mac I might even play with it some, but it just felt so unnatural to me, I couldn't face it AND all the other stuff I still need to learn about the new computer.

I'm also kinda cranky and here's photo evidence of why:

This is a night photo of the wraparound deck. It was taken in late summer. It's kind of blurry, but note the stained glass window propped against the window in the middle right hand side. IT looks small in this shot but it's about two and a half feet tall including the window sill.

After the recent snow...it's piled up about 3 1/2 feet.



View from the inside with the stained glass window. The snow is about a foot and a half higher than the top of the window.

I keep clicking my red heels but nothing is happening......

some day I will learn patience, though yesterday was obviously not it

Part 2 of my iPhoto woes.

I put some more pictures into iPhoto via my iPod...and all the new pictures just...poof...went away. I dunno where they went. I click on the thumbnail of the new picture in iPhoto (which would tell me the larger picture should be SOMEWHERE), and when the larger picture opens it's just....black. Nothing. Nada.

That annoyed me.

So, I decided to start all over and deleted EVERYTHING in iPhoto. Start over with a clean slate. Be patient. Learn more before I transfer. Buy the book for Dummies. It's ok as all the photos are on my original laptop. The ones on iPhoto were all duplicates.

Except....

All my photos of my brother and I at Christmas. The whole shebang of pictures from the Empty House Party 2. All my "before" photos of the house before painting and primping. These were all uploaded directly to the mac, not to the pc. And yes, they were deleted from the camera, and yes, I emptied the Trash.

So, Badger, the picture of your sweet little ass at the empty house party is history. Bookhart, you and Karla May making out, that's gone too. All the dancing to Abba is gone as well. Malcontent Mama, the pic of your beloved hubs with is big ol' foot smearing the wall, that's bye bye as well.

And the pictures of the giant turkey my brother and I cooked....gone like the leftovers.

Oh I'm just so MAD at me. Mad mad mad. Stupid me.