Friday, February 10, 2006

stanked right off the treadmill



I went for my workout today and I was doing really well. I had the iPod rolling (I have a new workout mix I've titled "fucked up angry shit" which has all the stuff that really makes me roar and push it), I was 20 or so minutes into it on the "gluteal hill climb" on the treadmill and I had a good sweat going. 10 more minutes to go, then I could cool down. Oh yeah.

Let me preface this by saying, I am one of those people who cannot function without a shower or a bath every day. (Which is why I don't camp or stay anywhere that does not have flushing toilets and copious hot water.) Additionally, I am a bit of a freak in that I like to shower BEFORE I work out. I like to go to the gym all nice and clean, so my sweat is clean, and my hair is still slightly damp and it cools me off. Then when I do sweat, I radiate the scent of flowers or musk or whatever shower gel/good smelly I slathered on myself earlier. In other words, I am THE person you want to workout next to and I for damn sure know that any bad smells are NOT coming from me, you know?

So, back to the story. I'm rolling along, feeling the burn in my bum, (from the workout, not cuz I ate something that didn't agree with me!) trying not to sing NIN out too loud, when this guy gets on the treadmill next to me. He starts it up and about 5 seconds later I am attacked, engulfed and otherwise surrounded by the nastiest STANK of all stanks. Dudes, I couldn't help it, I gagged. Literally gagged. Have you ever run and breathed hard and gagged all at once? I don't recommend it. This dude (probably in his 50's, looked like a totally normal mid-management level office geek kinda guy) had a miasma rolling off him that was so bad I could almost see it. I thought I would soldier on, but after another 20 seconds I had to get out of there.

THAT pisses me off, as I was doing great and was not ready to stop. It threw me off my routine totally. So I went and did some desultory weightlifting and some crunches and ab work, but the smelly stank-ass office dude totally messed me up. I mean, granted, I do have a very sensitive nose, but this guy? Oh my effing GOD! Ew! Gross! Has this guy ever had a bath? I think not!

Can I sue? For nasal torture or something? Seriously? Would it work if I carried around a spray bottle of Febreze and just surreptitiously nuked the dude when he wasn't looking? I think it would only be fair. He puts his smell on me, I put mine on him in return?

I'm taking another shower, just in case it's catching......

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