my brother's cat...

...is annoying the everlasting FUCK out of me. Granted, I am not a cat person, and there are the occasional few who I think are cool, but this one is a HELLION.

My brother has two cats...Skeeter (the cool cat) and Midge (the auxilliary cat). Skeeter is laid back, elder-statesman like, and very loyal to my brother. Midge got her name because she is a midget sized cat, though I think it also works as a midge, the little annoying gnat like bug that gets up your nose and in your ear and buzzes around your face until you think you are going insane. That fits Midge to a "T".

Midge does not walk. She sprints. Like, Speedy Gonzales, smoky curls of speed left behind, 0-to-90 in .05 seconds, full on hauling ass. I've never seen her walk. She sprints, or sleeps. And she's always sprinting directly under my feet at bad moments. Since she is so small, so fast and oddly silent, she can sneak up on you and scare the crap out of you any time she wants, and she takes advantage of it at every opportunity. So if I'm not tripping over her, she's making me jump. That cat is giving me a complex. I see her in the conrer of my eye, then she's gone, and I'm wondering...did I see her? Or not? Where is that little fucker now?

I think Midge wants to be a pirate. The other day she hung from the top of the shower curtain with her claws and then slid down it, pirate style, shredding it in the process. Then she yo-ho-ho'd it out of there because she knew she'd done a bad bad thing.

Every so often Skeeter will take her down, mainly just because he can. He just swats her down to the ground with a paw, jumps on her, then walks off. It's cool. Like he's all"Dude. Cool it." Whenever he does that I'm like "Yeah! Get her!"
She chills for a minute, max, then continues parasailing off the sofa or whatever her latest activity was.

I swear I get exhausted just looking at her. Exhausted and nervous. When will she sneak up on me again? When will I trip over her again? And will she destroy the new shower curtain I just put up?