Wednesday, July 12, 2006

My hell is.....

Things in my hell meme stolen from Mags by way of Badger and Jaye.

Drinks in my hell:
  • Campari and soda. I really, REALLY tried to like it in Italy. I mean, it's bright red, which tells me it should be sweet and yummy. Ugh, no, it's bitter as hell and tastes like poison.
  • Wimpy downstream beer.
  • Caffeine free diet coke. What's the point?
  • Iced coffee. Ewww....Coffee should be hot.
  • Grapefruit juice.

Food in my hell:
  • Red, green and yellow peppers.
  • Things with exoskeletons that I have to de-shell or remove the heads of.
  • Organ meats of any kind.
  • Things with eyes.
  • Capers.
  • Lutefisk.

Occupations in my hell:
  • Working closely with copy machines or office equipment of any kind. (Unfortunately am doing some of that now and I think that my secret super power is breaking office machines by merely looking at them.)
  • Being a Ryan Air or any airline check in person.
  • Waitress.
  • Child care.
  • Cleaner of cat cages.
  • Peeler of shrimp/crawfish/lobsters, etc.
  • Travel Agent.
  • Provider of services to rich spoiled people.
  • Any job involving the clean up of vomit.
  • Telemarketer.

Music mix in my hell:
  • R&B/pop/love songs sung by women with multi-octave vocal ranges and no sense of minimalism.
  • "Smooth" jazz.
  • Music meant to calm me.
  • Norwegian Country Music (yes it does exist.)
  • Contemporary Christian music.

President in my hell: um...crap. (Just what Mags said.)

Authors in my hell: Most of the people lauded by Oprah Winfrey. Sorry, I heart Oprah, I really do, but I friggin' HATE her taste in literature.

Husbands in my hell:
  • Rush Limbaugh.
  • Dick Cheney.
  • That guy who heads the FDA who says women's menstrual problems are all in their heads. Donald Trump.
  • Tom DeLay.
  • Born Again Christians who are out to save me.
  • Any overly religious, pushy guy for that matter.
  • Tom Cruise.
Next door neighbors in my hell.
  • Paris Hilton.
  • Star Jones.
  • Someone with 50 cats or dogs.
  • Me. I'm noisy.
Only activities allowed in my hell:
  • Being online using a 28.8 dial up connection.
  • Dusting.
  • Fixing copy machines.
  • Watching "Eyes Wide Shut" over and over.
  • Sitting on a very crowded plane on an international flight.
  • Making doctor's appointments.
  • Dealing with the US Embassy.
  • Karaoke...with only me singing. That would be EVERYONE'S hell.
And my own addition to Mag's Hell List: My Own Personal Fashion Hell:
  • Skinny jeans.
  • Long baggy shirts.
  • Hip belts.
  • Tight shorts of any length.
  • High pointy heels
  • Bubble skirts.
  • Empire waisted dresses.
  • In fact, EVERY FUCKING THING THAT THEY ARE SAYING IS NOW COMING BACK INTO FASHION RIGHT NOW. It's all the direct opposite of what looks good on me. I AM IN FASHION HELL PEOPLE! It's the 80's all over again and the 80's were a VERY bad decade for curvy girls with boobs, butts and small waists. I'm very angry at the designers right now. (Ok rant over.)

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