the big bye bye

As I get older it gets harder and harder to say goodbye.

I've been crying all morning. I cried passing by my friend Julia's house. She'll be moving and I won't get to sit on her back porch anymore guzzling beer and trading stories. (That she will have a new, closer to my house and nicer back porch is immaterial. I'm depressed and dammit I'm crying over her soon-to-be-gone old porch.) I cried getting my last mocha at STarbucks. They've treated me really well these past couple of months. They gave me the coffee free this time...apparently I had that weepy look in my eyes and they took caffeinated pity on me. I creid after my breakfast this morning with Bookhart. I cried in the parking lot at the post office. Someone shoot me. I'm fucking annoying right now. Poor Rich is at his wit's end with me.

The house is empty and spotless. It's got new paint, new gutters, new french drain in the yard, new sidewalk. New fire alarms. All new locks and knobs. New light fixtures. New mini blinds. It's sparkly and pretty and dammit do I have to leave it now that I've got it where I've wanted it for years? Shit shit shit.

I know once I get back to Norway (and sleep for three days, don't bother calling) that i'll be ok. I also know that life gives you lessons and as you get older you learn more about yourself. So here's my big lesson: I love to travel, no doubt, and will do it at the drop of a hat. I'm good at travelling and am a fairly awesome travel companion (if you forget that when I am drunk I snore.) But I think I am also a home kinda gal, and Texas is just home. I would rather travel around and know that I have my crappy little well-located house to come home to than live in the poshest flat in all of Norway (which honestly, I think I do live in the poshest flat in all of Norway.) So that either makes me very provincial or, as I like to think, shows that i have a fairly solid grounding in my roots and who I am.

Whatever, right now I am just glad i had these two glorious months at home and I am damn sad they are over. At the beginning it seemed like i had all the time in the world. Now it seems way too short. Funny how that happens.