Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the pudding-race!
Aboon them a' yet tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o'a grace
As lang's my arm.
So we went to the Burns Night party at Rich's co-worker, Keith's, house. There were mostly Scots there (of which I can partly count myself, way back in the heritage on my Dad's side is Scottish, reflected in my last name), with some Brits, a German and his lovely Japanese wife, and a few brave Norwegians. It's actually fairly unusual for Norwegians to hang out with us auslanders, so I was very happy to talk to them and get to know them a bit. There were only three of us Americans. (Good!) None of the men wore kilts, I am sad to say. But it was bloody cold out, so I guess they had an excuse.
I can't say it truly felt any different from a normal party, except there was an awful lot of single malt Scotch around and we ate haggis. Yep, I have now eaten haggis. It wasn't bad. I expected a horrid bloody bag of gore, to be honest. Something red and bloated and kind of slippery looking. But no, it was not in its sausage form, it was just in little chopped up innocuous bits on a platter. Harmless. Non threatening. It was kind of savory, with the texture of mincemeat, I suppose. Yummy. They said that traditionally it is eaten with a bit of scotch poured over it, so I tried that and did not like it.
(My confession? I don't like Scotch. If I drink whisky I prefer Irish whiskey. I tried making an "Irish coffee" using Scotch and it tasted, as Rich rather eloquently pointed out, as though I "had melted a Band Aid in my coffee". Yeah, Scotch is a taste I don't think I wil lever acquire.)
We were supposed to "address the haggis", which we kind of did. Well, Keith had a print out of the poem and a few people attempted to read it in the Scots language which it required. It's harder than it seems. The one who did it best was a Norwegian! We were also, by tradition, supposed to have a bag piper play while the chef carried in the haggis high on a platter, but that did not happen either. I was ok with that.
All in all we had a good time. Some of the parents brought their kids, three little girls, who livened things up a bit by playing a game where they would run up and smack me on the ass, giggle and run off. (Don't ask, I don't know why either.) We listened to traditional Scottish music, like, you know, the Bay City Rollers.
Monday, January 31, 2005
Saturday, January 29, 2005
We're having too much fun.
Me, Lesley, Petra (head turned away) and Mary laughing hysterically at the company holiday party. Apparently we were so funny people at the next table decided to capture the moment for posterity. I am glad they did.
Burns Night
Tonight we are going to a Burns Night party hosted by some of Rich's work buddies. These are the same guys that Rich goes out drinking with on the more-than-occasional Friday night. Based on that, I expect it to be a booze soaked evening of lush Scottish burrs and many jokes and giggles. (Not that last Saturday was not the same, only more formal. And less Scottish.)
I am looking forward to it. I would be looking forward to it even MORE if I thought the men would be wearing kilts. Rich is 6' 7" inches tall, with a swimmers physique. Can you imagine something like that in a kilt? Man, a kilt on him would be a mini skirt. Which would not be such a bad thing, though I would be swatting the ladies away from him, for sure.
Here is a funny article about a Scotsman wearing a kilt in France. I would imagine the reaction would be similar here.
I have some pictures to post from last Saturday, which I will post forthwith. I am pleased that lately pictures of me have been turning out fairly decent, though I have been making an effort to give the "wide eyed half Mona Lisa thinking far away thoughts" smile every time a camera is pointed at me. It hides my stark fear at the prospect of yet another crappy photo being taken.
I am looking forward to it. I would be looking forward to it even MORE if I thought the men would be wearing kilts. Rich is 6' 7" inches tall, with a swimmers physique. Can you imagine something like that in a kilt? Man, a kilt on him would be a mini skirt. Which would not be such a bad thing, though I would be swatting the ladies away from him, for sure.
Here is a funny article about a Scotsman wearing a kilt in France. I would imagine the reaction would be similar here.
I have some pictures to post from last Saturday, which I will post forthwith. I am pleased that lately pictures of me have been turning out fairly decent, though I have been making an effort to give the "wide eyed half Mona Lisa thinking far away thoughts" smile every time a camera is pointed at me. It hides my stark fear at the prospect of yet another crappy photo being taken.
Friday, January 28, 2005
Random Picturey Goodness
An alleyway off the souks, in Marrakesh. The colors there just blew me away.
Friday Q
FQ TOPIC: Tip.
FQ1: Share a health or beauty tip!
Health: Drink lots of water and take yer vitamins.
Beauty: (cuz, you know, I am SUCH an expert) When you wash your face, don't use soap. Use water and a washcloth only. It acts as an exfoliant and doesn't dry out your skin. Or use Ponds Daily Facial wipes, those things rock and they moisturize and clean all in one go. Great for travelling!
When you start being over 30, like moi, moisturize moisturize moisturize!
FQ2: Share a computer or electronic gadget tip!
When your computer crashes or shuts down or argues relentlessly with you, it is best not to throw it out the window.
My best computer or gadget tip is: Ask someone who knows something!
FQ3: Share a travel or transportation tip!
Ah, here is something I am a little more knowledgeable about.
1) When packing for a trip, bring half of what you think you need. You can always buy whatever you need when you get where you are going. You WILL shop. It's inevitable. Save the room in your luggage for the goodies you buy on your trip.
2) When flying TO the US, try to make your stopovers or changes of plane outside the US. For example, I go to Houston thru Amsterdam, not Newark. If I went thru Newark I would have to deplane, get my luggage, go thru customs, get mistreated and then get back on the next plane, Yuck. If I go thru Amsterdam, I don't have to do that (it waits until I get to Houston, my end destination in the US) and it makes the connecting flight ever so much more pleasant. It also increases my chances of actually catching that connecting flight!
3) Wear your heaviest items of clothing and your clunkiest shoes, on the plane. Both ways.
4) Don't bother with traveler's checks. You can ATM almost anywhere now, and you will get a much better exchange rate.
5)Get frequent fliers cards for every airline you might use. They will pay off sometime, I know. I am still waiting for my free upgrades....
6)For me, the most important tip? Don't do those early morning flights. They suck, you have to get up at 4 am to catch an 8am flight and you are ruined with tiredness for the first few days of your trip. Go later, have a normal night's sleep before hand, and get there feeling relatively sane. Trust me on this one. It's not worth a $40 savings to kill your sense of humanity.
FQ TIPSTER: Got a tip for a classic or vintage CD, movie, TV show, or book we might have overlooked?
CD: Anything Led Zep. Takes you right back to high school or whenever your wild youth was.
Movie: "Aunti Mame" with Rosalind Russell. Comic genius with heart.
TV Show: "Freaks and Geeks", not exactly vinatge, but over. Fabulous!
Book: If you haven't read "The Three Musketeers" you are not allowed to be my friend.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
I have found tea heaven
I've never made a secret of the fact that I am a vanilla-holic. I add vanilla to everything; my coffee, my hot chocolate, my vanilla ice cream (yeah, vanilla extract added to vanilla ice cream, it's awesome!), extra vanilla to my cookies and cakes. I adore vanilla. I can't wear vanilla scented perfumes because it makes me so damned hungry I eat everything sweet in sight. I think, if made to choose, that I would pick vanilla over chocolate, though I would be hugely pissed off at having to make such a choice.
Every morning for the past few years, I have either bought or made myself a very large mocha coffee with skim milk and a vanilla shot. In Starbucks lingo it is a Grande Non Fat Vanilla Mocha, No Whip. At Coffee Republic in London, it's a Skinny Vanilla Mocha for Takeway, please!. In Norway it's a Stor Kafe Mocha med lett melk og vanilje. Ta med. Every damned day for maybe 10 years now, the same drink. Gotta have my chocolate and vanilla coffee fix. (In some things, I am a girl of routines.)
I have been looking for a change, lately. Not that I am bored. Oh God no. I am ever loyal. I go to bed sometimes just waiting for the night to be over so I can have my morning coffee. However, now, I think maybe they are not helping me in the metabolism arena. Not that I am on a diet, but I would not mind a few small adjustments to help get about 5-10 lbs off my gut. There's a jiggle on my formerly flat belly that I do not like. I figure, if I just cut back on the alcohol, and maybe fewer mochas per week, that might help. That would be at least 1000 calories a week cut out. That, and some sit ups and push ups should do the trick. But what to use in place of the mochas that won't make me want to tear my hair out?
Today, I found something that may help me wean myself off my daily mochachocalottayaya habit. I found......Twinings Vanilla Tea. Oh. My.God. Vanilla-y goodness, so sweet and pungent that I could just die. It smells like heaven, and tastes better than it smells. How many things can you say that about? I am having my first cup now, and I am blown away. This stuff is like crack. Instant addiction.
I can't wait til tomorrow morning.
Every morning for the past few years, I have either bought or made myself a very large mocha coffee with skim milk and a vanilla shot. In Starbucks lingo it is a Grande Non Fat Vanilla Mocha, No Whip. At Coffee Republic in London, it's a Skinny Vanilla Mocha for Takeway, please!. In Norway it's a Stor Kafe Mocha med lett melk og vanilje. Ta med. Every damned day for maybe 10 years now, the same drink. Gotta have my chocolate and vanilla coffee fix. (In some things, I am a girl of routines.)
I have been looking for a change, lately. Not that I am bored. Oh God no. I am ever loyal. I go to bed sometimes just waiting for the night to be over so I can have my morning coffee. However, now, I think maybe they are not helping me in the metabolism arena. Not that I am on a diet, but I would not mind a few small adjustments to help get about 5-10 lbs off my gut. There's a jiggle on my formerly flat belly that I do not like. I figure, if I just cut back on the alcohol, and maybe fewer mochas per week, that might help. That would be at least 1000 calories a week cut out. That, and some sit ups and push ups should do the trick. But what to use in place of the mochas that won't make me want to tear my hair out?
Today, I found something that may help me wean myself off my daily mochachocalottayaya habit. I found......Twinings Vanilla Tea. Oh. My.God. Vanilla-y goodness, so sweet and pungent that I could just die. It smells like heaven, and tastes better than it smells. How many things can you say that about? I am having my first cup now, and I am blown away. This stuff is like crack. Instant addiction.
I can't wait til tomorrow morning.
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Unpacking update three
All done! Suitcases put away!
Now doing laundry. Still sneezy (whee!) but coming along ok.
Last night I roasted a chicken and it ROCKED! I am so proud of myself, it was really good. Just shoved half a lemon and some rosemary and onion in the "cavity", or "up its bum" as I always warily think of it. Butter on top. Bit of garlic rubbed in. Flipped it a couple of times. Easy peasy. Served with just a salad, yummdiddlyumptious. Now I am taking the leftover chicken bones and stuff and making stock. Stock is expensive to buy here, so I always make my own. Jeez, when did I become so traditional?
God this is a boring post. I'll come back with something more interesting later.
Oh, Karen found a hotel for us to stay at in Paris, it looks wonderful. Girl trip, woohoo!
Now doing laundry. Still sneezy (whee!) but coming along ok.
Last night I roasted a chicken and it ROCKED! I am so proud of myself, it was really good. Just shoved half a lemon and some rosemary and onion in the "cavity", or "up its bum" as I always warily think of it. Butter on top. Bit of garlic rubbed in. Flipped it a couple of times. Easy peasy. Served with just a salad, yummdiddlyumptious. Now I am taking the leftover chicken bones and stuff and making stock. Stock is expensive to buy here, so I always make my own. Jeez, when did I become so traditional?
God this is a boring post. I'll come back with something more interesting later.
Oh, Karen found a hotel for us to stay at in Paris, it looks wonderful. Girl trip, woohoo!
Monday, January 24, 2005
....sniff......
I have a cold. --sniff--
A shitty, sneezy, runny, ucky cold.
ACHOO!!!! blaaaaagh
Though I must admit, I kinda like sneezing. Am I crazy that I do? I like the whole build up and then "aaahh ahhha haaa"... and then the big finish... "Blllaaghgghhh!"... snort sniff, etc. And then people bless me, as though I have done something bless worthy. Pretty cool. You never get blessed or wished good health otherwise.
My husband tends to avoid me when I have a cold. He squeezes himself into a tiny corner of the bed (a prodigious feat indeed, for a 6' 7" man) while I blodge out over the rest of the bed in sneezy snorty snotty splendor. Hey, it's his deal, if he scoots over, I, amoeba-like, will fill the remaining space. It's just marital geometry.
Since I am sick and sneezy, I figure I might as well clean the house. It's so damned dusty in here, I won't know if I am sneezing from the dirt or the cold. Double sneeziosity, groovus! I am listening to 80's music via internet station "Club 80's" whilst doing so. I can only clean if I can dance, too. Though some of this music is cheezy even for a big 80's gal like me....
"Danger! Danger! He's dangerous. Danger straight ahead!!" Who is this, anyhow? Who thought this was good?
It's hard techno time.
BllaaaCHOOO!
A shitty, sneezy, runny, ucky cold.
ACHOO!!!! blaaaaagh
Though I must admit, I kinda like sneezing. Am I crazy that I do? I like the whole build up and then "aaahh ahhha haaa"... and then the big finish... "Blllaaghgghhh!"... snort sniff, etc. And then people bless me, as though I have done something bless worthy. Pretty cool. You never get blessed or wished good health otherwise.
My husband tends to avoid me when I have a cold. He squeezes himself into a tiny corner of the bed (a prodigious feat indeed, for a 6' 7" man) while I blodge out over the rest of the bed in sneezy snorty snotty splendor. Hey, it's his deal, if he scoots over, I, amoeba-like, will fill the remaining space. It's just marital geometry.
Since I am sick and sneezy, I figure I might as well clean the house. It's so damned dusty in here, I won't know if I am sneezing from the dirt or the cold. Double sneeziosity, groovus! I am listening to 80's music via internet station "Club 80's" whilst doing so. I can only clean if I can dance, too. Though some of this music is cheezy even for a big 80's gal like me....
"Danger! Danger! He's dangerous. Danger straight ahead!!" Who is this, anyhow? Who thought this was good?
It's hard techno time.
BllaaaCHOOO!
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Ow.
Company party aftermath. It was last night at the Holmenkollen Rica Hotel , this gorgeous old place on the top of Oslo.
Now? Sunday hangover from Saturday party.
Ow.
Ya gotta hand it to the Norwegians, when they decide to throw a party and go for it, man, they pull out ALL the stops. The waiters were literally forcing us to drink the multiple different choices of wine. The waiter for our table told me "Hey it's free and this is Norway..you must drink at least 2000 nok worth!" I believe I did so. The food was excellent to a point of plate licking and then...we got wacky.
Rich and I were seated at the profligate's table way at the back. Does my reputation proceed me? Well, for damn sure our table had the most fun. The girls at our table, Mary, Petra and Lesley, they all know how to enjoy themselves and most of the time we were snorting with sisterly glee. We were maybe too gleeful, as I think Mary might have a camera full of incriminating photos of some of our, erm, less dignified moments. Maybe some of them might surface here, eventually, though the ones we took by pointing the camera down our dresses, those may be censored. I told you, wacky!
I might look like a grown up and have all the responsibilities of a grown up, but does that mean I have to act like one all the time? Nahhhh. Of course not, and I think most grown ups agree with me on this one.
Now? Sunday hangover from Saturday party.
Ow.
Ya gotta hand it to the Norwegians, when they decide to throw a party and go for it, man, they pull out ALL the stops. The waiters were literally forcing us to drink the multiple different choices of wine. The waiter for our table told me "Hey it's free and this is Norway..you must drink at least 2000 nok worth!" I believe I did so. The food was excellent to a point of plate licking and then...we got wacky.
Rich and I were seated at the profligate's table way at the back. Does my reputation proceed me? Well, for damn sure our table had the most fun. The girls at our table, Mary, Petra and Lesley, they all know how to enjoy themselves and most of the time we were snorting with sisterly glee. We were maybe too gleeful, as I think Mary might have a camera full of incriminating photos of some of our, erm, less dignified moments. Maybe some of them might surface here, eventually, though the ones we took by pointing the camera down our dresses, those may be censored. I told you, wacky!
I might look like a grown up and have all the responsibilities of a grown up, but does that mean I have to act like one all the time? Nahhhh. Of course not, and I think most grown ups agree with me on this one.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
I see Paris I see France......
Well, I will in February.
Yep, going for a city break weekend in Paris on the 11th. I'm meeting my friend Karen, the London-living, knows all the best bars, knows the bartenders at most of them too, Karen. Her only drawback is that she is Canadian, eh?, but oh well, you can't have it all.
Just kidding.
Any recomendations on hotels or things to do over a long weekend?
Yep, going for a city break weekend in Paris on the 11th. I'm meeting my friend Karen, the London-living, knows all the best bars, knows the bartenders at most of them too, Karen. Her only drawback is that she is Canadian, eh?, but oh well, you can't have it all.
Just kidding.
Any recomendations on hotels or things to do over a long weekend?
Friday, January 21, 2005
Norwegians think they have proof....
...that Bush is a Satan worshipper.
Unfortunately, this time, it is not true. He was merely doing the Longhorn "Hook 'Em" sign. I know it looks like devil's horns, but it is, in fact, a legitimate sign of Texas pride. (No jokes, anyone, please. I am a Longhorn myself, though I never attended a UT football game. This admission is tantamount in some circles to getting me kicked out of the Texas Exes, but whatever. I just don't GET football.)
Much as I would like to have proof that Bush is, indeed, Satan or one of his minions, for right now we still have to go on gut and theory alone.
PS: Unpacking mini-update: I actually unpacked one! Whoo hoo!
Unfortunately, this time, it is not true. He was merely doing the Longhorn "Hook 'Em" sign. I know it looks like devil's horns, but it is, in fact, a legitimate sign of Texas pride. (No jokes, anyone, please. I am a Longhorn myself, though I never attended a UT football game. This admission is tantamount in some circles to getting me kicked out of the Texas Exes, but whatever. I just don't GET football.)
Much as I would like to have proof that Bush is, indeed, Satan or one of his minions, for right now we still have to go on gut and theory alone.
PS: Unpacking mini-update: I actually unpacked one! Whoo hoo!
Latest Unpacking News 2
Nope, still not unpacked.
Have moved one suitcase (of two) onto the bed, where it will sit forgotten until this evening, where, when I want to go to bed, I will then shove it out into the hallway awaiting a hoped for (by Rich, mostly) unpacking tomorrow.
I am not usually a procrastinator, but I hate unpacking suitcases. Not only is it hard to find places for all the stuff I collected, but it also is kind of sad, unpacking all my little hopes and wishes for the highly anticipated journey that is now just a memory.
Have moved one suitcase (of two) onto the bed, where it will sit forgotten until this evening, where, when I want to go to bed, I will then shove it out into the hallway awaiting a hoped for (by Rich, mostly) unpacking tomorrow.
I am not usually a procrastinator, but I hate unpacking suitcases. Not only is it hard to find places for all the stuff I collected, but it also is kind of sad, unpacking all my little hopes and wishes for the highly anticipated journey that is now just a memory.
Friday Q
FQ TOPIC: New.
FQ1: What's a new food or drink you've tried? How'd it go?
Over Christmas I tried my Uncle Peter's homemade pate. I am usually squeamish about such things, but it was really good. His was made not with goose's livers, but with three different kinds of meat: chicken, beef and something or other. I don't really ask, I just try. Have learned that when trying new stuff, eat first, ask questions later or I will never try it.If I am ever on Fear Factor, that will hold me in good stead, I will just try not to hear what I am eating. I still don't like the squishy jelly stuff (aspic?) that the pate gets packed in, though. Blech.
FQ2: What's a new television show or movie you've seen or book you've read? How'd it go?
When I was in Orlando I saw "Desperate Housewives" and LOVED it. As for books, right now I am reading "The Club Dumas" by Arturo Perez-Reverte. Since "The Three Musketeers" is my favorite book, and "Club Dumas" kind of revolves around it, it is rocking my world. Sort of a mystery, suspense, diabolical thriller about evil book collectors. Highly recomended, high geekiosity scale. The movie "The Ninth Gate" with Johnny Depp (howl!) was based on that book.
FQ3: What's a new place you've been to or web site you've visited? How'd it go?
New place...um....ok, so call me lame, but in Orlando I went to this mall called the Millenium Mall and it was FABULOUS. It did my little shopping-starved heart proud. I found sales at Anthropologie, and Arden B and Express and had a look-see at Nieman's and then got to eat mall food and and and and....oh, it was great. Thanks to Maureen for taking me around.
Website that I visited today for the first time, that I am not yet sure about, is the "Awful Plastic Surgery" website. Bitchy as all get out, and alot of it is nasty theory, but it is funny as hell. (Click on the sidebar link on Jocelyn Wildenstein. WTF???) That with Manolo's Shoe Blog and Go Fug Yourself are my daily bitch quotient. Then I go read worthy things, really......Like Vivi's blog about her trials and tribulations as a newly married expat in France. Last installment she was locked into Pere Lachaise graveyard after it closed. I could kill her for making me wait to read what happened!
FQ NEW: Do the new! What's something new you've been wanting to try but haven't? What's stopping you?
I've promised to go to Paris with my friend Karen in February. (I went once before, long ago, when I was 17. Many entertaining and embarrassing stories survive from that time. Julia, my bud since kindergarten and my partner in crime for that trip, relishes telling them frequently, to my great chagrin.) I really want to go, but money is holding me back.
I also have some new jewelry designs and techniques I am gonna get started on. Nothing holding me back there but my own cussed laziness.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
The grocery shopping rant
This rant has been in my mind for ,well, two years now, and it's about time I legitimized it by putting it into words so here goes:
I fucking HATE grocery shopping here in Norway.
There, I said it, now may the Grocery Store Powers That Be get off their asses and listen the hell up! (Here is a link to a Norwegian website comparing prices at some of the big grocery chains. Divide any price by about 6.2 for dollars. Notice how all the prices are pretty much the same wherever you go? The selection is exactly the same too.)
I have posted previously about the wierdness of grocery shopping here. That was a humorous post about chicken and how buying it can be kind of freaky.
I did not mention the expense of shopping, the rudeness of the employees at the stores, the lack of choice, the horrendous lack of customer service interaction, and the antiquated, 1950's Soviet style grocery stores we are faced with every day. God it sucks ass. The bummer of it is, I used to love buying food in the States. I loved walking up and down the aisles, looking at all the stuff for sale, imagining the recipes and meals I could make, and sometimes just wondering what the hell something is for. I still do that here and when I travel, but now I just wonder how the hell it can be so expensive, and, admittedly, still wonder what alot of it is for. A can of "flesh and beans?" Yuck!
It all starts with parking. You never get to park near the store, and if you do, you have to pay for the privilege. Would you pay to park at Safeway? I bet not. I put my car in the nearest likely spot, making sure to arm the alarm as the damn thing has already been broken into three times, and head in to the store. To get a basket, you have to pay a ten kroner (about $1.50) deposit, which consists of putting a 10 kroner (and ONLY a 10 kroner) coin into a little thingy that releases the basket from the chain. I never have a 10 kroner coin, so end up taking a hand basket, which, shockingly, is free. I enter thru the little gate into the store. They all have gates, like a Disney ride or something.
I start choosing my items. There is not much choice, it's all very minimal. Some stores pride themselves on having an "extensive import section", but honestly, how much Old El Paso can you buy?
I need eggs, I get 6 for $3.00.
A packet of grated cheese, $5.00.
Some Philly Light spread, $4.25.
A can of Campbell's tomato soup, $3.00.
A small frozen lasagna, serves two small eaters or one big one, like my husband, $6.95.
Toilet paper, a six pack, $5.00.
Three ounces of thinly sliced deli chicken, $3.45.
Milk, $1.50 per litre, which is about $6.00 a gallon.
"Tortilla chips", $4.00.
A small whole chicken for roasting, 2 lbs or one kilo, $15.00.
Yes you did read that right, $15 for a 2 lb. scrawny assed chicken.
Baked beans, 2 bucks a can.
A small bag of salad mix, $4.00.
A pound of roma tomatoes, $6.00.
Beer, the cheapest canned beer you can get, though it is actually fairly decent, 20 nok per can, which adds up to $19. per six pack, plus another 50 cents per can for "pant" or can deposit. Beer can cost much much more, a can of Guinness or Boddingtons will set you back $4.50.
After mentally pissing away my life savings on food, I go to pay. The guy at the cash register roughly tosses my choices down the chute, which has this sliding mechanism that divides it in two for two customers. The cashiers fully enjoy using your bread or chips as the fulcrum for pushing the milk and canned goods down towards the "bagging" end. After ringing your stuff thru, he asks if you want a bag. I am always tempted to say "Nah, I'll just shove it all up my ass, thanks, I don't need a bag". What the hell is he thinking? Of COURSE I need a bag. He pulls two bags (even though I asked for three!) out of the bag lock box, or whatever it is called, and charges me for them. Yes, we pay for the bags. Like they can't afford to give me two stinking bags after I just gave them the equivalent of my mortgage payment for cheese and chicken?
I run madly to the end of the line and start chucking my stuff in the bags. He is already checking out the next customer, and it is to my distinct advantage to pack my stuff as fast as possible before he moves the sliding thing over to accomodate the next check out victim, as that slidy thing invariable acts like a trash masher and mangles everything I have now just paid my weight in gold for. I truly hate this part, it makes me mad every time. There is no one to bag your stuff for you, and they would laugh at you if you asked for help. No carry out either. Even the old folks with canes get no help. My bags weigh about 20 lbs each and are seriously overloaded, since butthead would not give me three. I carry my six pack of toilet paper under my arm. You see that alot, there is no shame publicly admitting that yes, you wipe your ass.
I waddle out of the store and back to my car, where, frequently, I have a parking ticket for over staying my time. Yeah, a parking ticket in a grocery store parking lot. Bugger hell and damnation. *&^$%#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always come home in a cranky mood.
Is it any wonder that now, when I go back to the US, I weep in the fozen food aisles and get on my hands and knees and worship the produce section at the Wal-Mart Super Store in my parents small Missouri town? (And yes, I never did like Wal Mart and even now try not to shop there.) That one crappy Wal Mart would blow the minds of every Norwegian who ever existed.
I fucking HATE grocery shopping here in Norway.
There, I said it, now may the Grocery Store Powers That Be get off their asses and listen the hell up! (Here is a link to a Norwegian website comparing prices at some of the big grocery chains. Divide any price by about 6.2 for dollars. Notice how all the prices are pretty much the same wherever you go? The selection is exactly the same too.)
I have posted previously about the wierdness of grocery shopping here. That was a humorous post about chicken and how buying it can be kind of freaky.
I did not mention the expense of shopping, the rudeness of the employees at the stores, the lack of choice, the horrendous lack of customer service interaction, and the antiquated, 1950's Soviet style grocery stores we are faced with every day. God it sucks ass. The bummer of it is, I used to love buying food in the States. I loved walking up and down the aisles, looking at all the stuff for sale, imagining the recipes and meals I could make, and sometimes just wondering what the hell something is for. I still do that here and when I travel, but now I just wonder how the hell it can be so expensive, and, admittedly, still wonder what alot of it is for. A can of "flesh and beans?" Yuck!
It all starts with parking. You never get to park near the store, and if you do, you have to pay for the privilege. Would you pay to park at Safeway? I bet not. I put my car in the nearest likely spot, making sure to arm the alarm as the damn thing has already been broken into three times, and head in to the store. To get a basket, you have to pay a ten kroner (about $1.50) deposit, which consists of putting a 10 kroner (and ONLY a 10 kroner) coin into a little thingy that releases the basket from the chain. I never have a 10 kroner coin, so end up taking a hand basket, which, shockingly, is free. I enter thru the little gate into the store. They all have gates, like a Disney ride or something.
I start choosing my items. There is not much choice, it's all very minimal. Some stores pride themselves on having an "extensive import section", but honestly, how much Old El Paso can you buy?
I need eggs, I get 6 for $3.00.
A packet of grated cheese, $5.00.
Some Philly Light spread, $4.25.
A can of Campbell's tomato soup, $3.00.
A small frozen lasagna, serves two small eaters or one big one, like my husband, $6.95.
Toilet paper, a six pack, $5.00.
Three ounces of thinly sliced deli chicken, $3.45.
Milk, $1.50 per litre, which is about $6.00 a gallon.
"Tortilla chips", $4.00.
A small whole chicken for roasting, 2 lbs or one kilo, $15.00.
Yes you did read that right, $15 for a 2 lb. scrawny assed chicken.
Baked beans, 2 bucks a can.
A small bag of salad mix, $4.00.
A pound of roma tomatoes, $6.00.
Beer, the cheapest canned beer you can get, though it is actually fairly decent, 20 nok per can, which adds up to $19. per six pack, plus another 50 cents per can for "pant" or can deposit. Beer can cost much much more, a can of Guinness or Boddingtons will set you back $4.50.
After mentally pissing away my life savings on food, I go to pay. The guy at the cash register roughly tosses my choices down the chute, which has this sliding mechanism that divides it in two for two customers. The cashiers fully enjoy using your bread or chips as the fulcrum for pushing the milk and canned goods down towards the "bagging" end. After ringing your stuff thru, he asks if you want a bag. I am always tempted to say "Nah, I'll just shove it all up my ass, thanks, I don't need a bag". What the hell is he thinking? Of COURSE I need a bag. He pulls two bags (even though I asked for three!) out of the bag lock box, or whatever it is called, and charges me for them. Yes, we pay for the bags. Like they can't afford to give me two stinking bags after I just gave them the equivalent of my mortgage payment for cheese and chicken?
I run madly to the end of the line and start chucking my stuff in the bags. He is already checking out the next customer, and it is to my distinct advantage to pack my stuff as fast as possible before he moves the sliding thing over to accomodate the next check out victim, as that slidy thing invariable acts like a trash masher and mangles everything I have now just paid my weight in gold for. I truly hate this part, it makes me mad every time. There is no one to bag your stuff for you, and they would laugh at you if you asked for help. No carry out either. Even the old folks with canes get no help. My bags weigh about 20 lbs each and are seriously overloaded, since butthead would not give me three. I carry my six pack of toilet paper under my arm. You see that alot, there is no shame publicly admitting that yes, you wipe your ass.
I waddle out of the store and back to my car, where, frequently, I have a parking ticket for over staying my time. Yeah, a parking ticket in a grocery store parking lot. Bugger hell and damnation. *&^$%#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always come home in a cranky mood.
Is it any wonder that now, when I go back to the US, I weep in the fozen food aisles and get on my hands and knees and worship the produce section at the Wal-Mart Super Store in my parents small Missouri town? (And yes, I never did like Wal Mart and even now try not to shop there.) That one crappy Wal Mart would blow the minds of every Norwegian who ever existed.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
How to surprise friends and make yourself really tired
Well, now I can finally write about it, but let me tell you it's been hard to keep that secret for so long.
Everyone knew that I was going to the US in January, to Florida, to visit with Rich's family and do the late Christmas family thing.
What they did not know was that Todd (Jennifer's husband), Julia and I had also cooked up a little plot to surprise Jennifer on her thirty-hmm birthday!
Rich and I flew to Orlando via Iceland Air on January 7th. I spent the night in Orlando, then later the afternoon of the 8th Rich's brother John ever so obligingly took my tired ass to the airport for a quick trip to Austin. Jennifer's birthday is the 8th, and we had planned a little gathering at Opal Divine's where I would (hopefully) just casually show up and blow everyone's minds.
And it freaking well worked! The flight from Orlando stopped in Houston, where I had just enough time to change into my kick ass rock n roll red velvet "entrance making" suit. I felt like a Rock God flying around Texas in red velvet, and under it I wore a t shirt that said "GOTHIC", just to ante up the funk a bit. Upon arrival in Austin, my luggage was first out, the car rental place had a car ready for me, and I was at Opal's by 8:45. I sneaked into the bar the back way, grabbed a beer, and then sauntered out to the front deck where I could see the table full of pals all gabbing away and chatting merrily. Jennifer's back was to me. I came up behind her and planted a kiss on her cheek. Everyone screamed when I showed up. Jennifer was flabbergasted. It totally worked like a charm.
I was in Austin for all of 48 hours, I flew back to Orlando on the 11th. It was just enough time to catch up with a few folks, eat at Matt's and Austin Land and Cattle and Suzi's China Kitchen, grab a beer at Dog and Duck and Opal's, shop a little, and fly back out. I saw a few folks I knew who did not know I would be in town (sorry for not letting you know...) and missed out on a bunch of others. (Next time, I promise.)
Austin is just the home of my heart, and it always will be. It's nice to know it will be there for me, and I for damn sure will be there for it.
Everyone knew that I was going to the US in January, to Florida, to visit with Rich's family and do the late Christmas family thing.
What they did not know was that Todd (Jennifer's husband), Julia and I had also cooked up a little plot to surprise Jennifer on her thirty-hmm birthday!
Rich and I flew to Orlando via Iceland Air on January 7th. I spent the night in Orlando, then later the afternoon of the 8th Rich's brother John ever so obligingly took my tired ass to the airport for a quick trip to Austin. Jennifer's birthday is the 8th, and we had planned a little gathering at Opal Divine's where I would (hopefully) just casually show up and blow everyone's minds.
And it freaking well worked! The flight from Orlando stopped in Houston, where I had just enough time to change into my kick ass rock n roll red velvet "entrance making" suit. I felt like a Rock God flying around Texas in red velvet, and under it I wore a t shirt that said "GOTHIC", just to ante up the funk a bit. Upon arrival in Austin, my luggage was first out, the car rental place had a car ready for me, and I was at Opal's by 8:45. I sneaked into the bar the back way, grabbed a beer, and then sauntered out to the front deck where I could see the table full of pals all gabbing away and chatting merrily. Jennifer's back was to me. I came up behind her and planted a kiss on her cheek. Everyone screamed when I showed up. Jennifer was flabbergasted. It totally worked like a charm.
I was in Austin for all of 48 hours, I flew back to Orlando on the 11th. It was just enough time to catch up with a few folks, eat at Matt's and Austin Land and Cattle and Suzi's China Kitchen, grab a beer at Dog and Duck and Opal's, shop a little, and fly back out. I saw a few folks I knew who did not know I would be in town (sorry for not letting you know...) and missed out on a bunch of others. (Next time, I promise.)
Austin is just the home of my heart, and it always will be. It's nice to know it will be there for me, and I for damn sure will be there for it.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Back in Norway
We flew back from Orlando last night, got back here about noon.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............
{snrrk...snort...gnk...}
Wha? Huh? What are you doing here? Oh, sorry I must have drifted off. I'm tired, I've been awake for, oh hell, I dunno, a million hours now?
But yes, we are back. Came back with four HUGE suitcases, two each, full of stuff. Stuff we bought. Stuff that was cheaper than stuff here in Norway. Good ol', American, consumeristic, economy sized, "buy three get four free", God Love Those Capitalist Pigs, U S of Fuckin' A Gin-u-wine Crapola.
And I got some really cute skirts and tops and jewelry too!
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............
{snrrk...snort...gnk...}
Wha? Huh? What are you doing here? Oh, sorry I must have drifted off. I'm tired, I've been awake for, oh hell, I dunno, a million hours now?
But yes, we are back. Came back with four HUGE suitcases, two each, full of stuff. Stuff we bought. Stuff that was cheaper than stuff here in Norway. Good ol', American, consumeristic, economy sized, "buy three get four free", God Love Those Capitalist Pigs, U S of Fuckin' A Gin-u-wine Crapola.
And I got some really cute skirts and tops and jewelry too!
Friday, January 14, 2005
I'm not dead
I'm in Florida. (Some might say, aren't they one and the same?) Seriously, we're having a good time, shopping our asses off but eating them right back on. The food in America, I always forget about the portion sizes. Sheesh!
There's a thunderstorm happening outside...my first in two years! I forgot what they sounded like! I love thunderstorms, they are so invigorating. I was awakened this morning by an "earth shattering kaboom" and it took me a muinute to figure out what was going on. You get bonus points for telling me which cartoon character used that phrase.
I'll get more posty when I get back home, but just one word of advice:
Iceland Air? Their planes are TOO DAMNED SMALL. Continental is the way to go. Even if I do have a pretty hip Iceland t-shirt now.
There's a thunderstorm happening outside...my first in two years! I forgot what they sounded like! I love thunderstorms, they are so invigorating. I was awakened this morning by an "earth shattering kaboom" and it took me a muinute to figure out what was going on. You get bonus points for telling me which cartoon character used that phrase.
I'll get more posty when I get back home, but just one word of advice:
Iceland Air? Their planes are TOO DAMNED SMALL. Continental is the way to go. Even if I do have a pretty hip Iceland t-shirt now.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Don't you forget about me...don't don't don't don't!
Sniff sniff.....
I'm really just posting this because it cracks me up.
I took this picture of a billboard ad in Amsterdam. It was just too unbelievable. A picture of a guy sniffing a thong, with the caption, "Remember me".
?????
Cuz, yeah, that's how I leave memories of ME around. Dirty underwear. Remember me. It would pretty much guarantee that you are not forgotten:
"Remember that freak-ass bitch who left the dirty underwear in the guest bedroom with a note that said, 'Remember me'? I wonder where she is now. What does she do, buy her panties in 12 packs and leave them all around the world? What ever happened to a simple thank you note?"
I'm really just posting this because it cracks me up.
I took this picture of a billboard ad in Amsterdam. It was just too unbelievable. A picture of a guy sniffing a thong, with the caption, "Remember me".
?????
Cuz, yeah, that's how I leave memories of ME around. Dirty underwear. Remember me. It would pretty much guarantee that you are not forgotten:
"Remember that freak-ass bitch who left the dirty underwear in the guest bedroom with a note that said, 'Remember me'? I wonder where she is now. What does she do, buy her panties in 12 packs and leave them all around the world? What ever happened to a simple thank you note?"
Strange Dreams
Do you ever go through phases where you have REALLY VIVID dreams? Man, lately they are killing me.
I'm having trouble falling alseep, so that when I finally do drop off, it's like my brain is in overload and the dreams are just totally intense. I wake up still in the dream. It's starting to bug me. I usually direct my dreams (me being a control freak) but these are so very strong they overwhelm me.
I had a dream yesterday night that actually had me screaming to wake myself up. Rich was freaked, he had never heard me yell before. I do it very rarely. But it's one of my most stressful dreams, the one where I am terrified, and try to scream, but no matter what I do I can't yell. The only thing that comes out is a choked whisper groan. "Awk...awk", like that. So I keep trying and trying (in my dream) to scream, because in the dream I will literally die of fright if I don't, it's like the scream must come or I am a goner....and I am making the noise for real. I wake myself up yelling. It's HORRIBLE. I've only done it three times that I can remember. Once when I was 17 just before I left for a trip to Europe and then on to college, once right before the move here to Norway, and now. Ugh, yuck, shiver.
The other dreams I have been having, so vividly, well, let's just say a girl should never tell SOME things. I sure do dream in color!
Ahem.
I'm having trouble falling alseep, so that when I finally do drop off, it's like my brain is in overload and the dreams are just totally intense. I wake up still in the dream. It's starting to bug me. I usually direct my dreams (me being a control freak) but these are so very strong they overwhelm me.
I had a dream yesterday night that actually had me screaming to wake myself up. Rich was freaked, he had never heard me yell before. I do it very rarely. But it's one of my most stressful dreams, the one where I am terrified, and try to scream, but no matter what I do I can't yell. The only thing that comes out is a choked whisper groan. "Awk...awk", like that. So I keep trying and trying (in my dream) to scream, because in the dream I will literally die of fright if I don't, it's like the scream must come or I am a goner....and I am making the noise for real. I wake myself up yelling. It's HORRIBLE. I've only done it three times that I can remember. Once when I was 17 just before I left for a trip to Europe and then on to college, once right before the move here to Norway, and now. Ugh, yuck, shiver.
The other dreams I have been having, so vividly, well, let's just say a girl should never tell SOME things. I sure do dream in color!
Ahem.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Deep Thought for the Day
The plural of goose is geese.
The plural of foot is feet.
So how come the plural of moose is not meese?
The plural of foot is feet.
So how come the plural of moose is not meese?
Monday, January 03, 2005
The Post About Music
What? HUH? I can't hear you! Oh, yeah, lemme turn down the speakers.
My new fun innovation: iTunes radio. I downloaded iTunes and have discovered they have some kick-ASS radio stations just there for the listening. Click on the kind of music you want (I always go straight to electronica) and then find something within that category to listen to. I stole the speakers from Rich's desktop (he never uses them anyhow) and man they CRANK.
So right now I am listening to "spiderpower" on the net. It's all Goth and Industrial, all the time.
I guess I never told y'all about my musical tastes have I? I get teased, but whatever. It's too late now, you like me already, so here goes:
If it's goth, industrial, angry techno-dance type of stuff, I like it. Yeah, I know. Go ahead and tease. You won't be the first. I mostly only listen when Rich is not around. Or when I am in my car. Cranked LOUD.
In the 80's it was all about Nine Inch Nails, Ministry, Killing Joke, Nitzer Ebb, Revolting Cocks, Front 242, etc. I'd also listen to Depeche Mode (always did like them) and Bauhaus, Love and Rockets, Gary Numan. Rammstein, KMFDM, ThrillKillKult, Apoptygma Berzerk, Coil, blah blah blah. Think 80's- 90's evil bad ass dance club stuff. I was Reznor when Reznor wasn't cool.
Wax Trax vinyl baby!, 12Inches, all rough dance, all the time!! I actually have quite a collection of valuable Wax Trax stuff. The best of that being the "Black Box" on cd.
In my golden years (now, being older and all) I've mellowed a bit. I'm more into techno-trance. John Digweed, Sasha, the Tranceport mixes, Massive Attack, still Gary Numan, always NIN.
I'm still trying to figure out the European scene. The German stuff, I understand. The rest? Not so much. I tried delving into hardcore trance/dance, from some cd's that I got at Cyberdog at Camden Market in London, but it's a little too revved up and not enough melody. Just really really fast beats, and that's it, and that gets kind of boring and repetitive after a while. Maybe my old bones just don't DO that anymore, maybe I like a bit of melody, who knows. We did see Marilyn Manson live here in Oslo. That was fun. Silly but fun, theatrical and fake-shocky-schlocky. I love to watch people take it so seriously."Look how Goth I am!" Rich just liked the girls in the very short skirts. Peaches opened...that was interesting to see how the Norwegian audience took it. They mostly booed.
I also, to avoid pigeonholing myself, love Morphine, Led Zep and treasure my old Adam Ant stuff. (When I was learning bass, I enjoyed playing Adam Ant and Love&Rockets. Awesome bass lines.) I have stolen a bunch of my dad's world music albums from the early 60's, so have some really great Arabic traditional music, Spanish Flamenco, experimental percussion stuff and so on. I love Moroccan and Indian music. Then there is Neil Finn and Dead Can Dance, (..and holy crap they are going on tour in Europe in 2005!!! Holy CRAP!), two big favorites for road trips. I have to be careful with what I listen to in the car, though. I have found myself going waaaay too fast when listening to particularly good stuff. Which is why I have pretty much banned NIN from the car stereo when driving, I get too keyed up.
(In 7-8th grade I was a big fan of Ozzy Osbourne and heavy metal music. We called ourselves Ozzers. Imagine my glee when for SXSW 2001 I was assigned to take care of Sharon and Jack Osbourne for their visit to Austin! Driving Sharon and the Spawn of Ozzy in my Subaru? Wicked! She's just as cool in person as she is on TV, though this was before the TV show started.)
I haven't yet found much in current Euro Pop that I like, (see the Gunther Pleasureman post) though when I hear Kylie Minogue's stuff I don't barf. I'm starting to accept Robbie Williams. At least he looks like a man, and not a hairless boy-wonder. There is also a Danish band called Puddu Varano that is really good.
I think I want an iPod. Didn't really see the point until I downloaded iTunes...but now, looks pretty tempting. All my freaky music in one place, no digging for the right cd? Yes please!
My new fun innovation: iTunes radio. I downloaded iTunes and have discovered they have some kick-ASS radio stations just there for the listening. Click on the kind of music you want (I always go straight to electronica) and then find something within that category to listen to. I stole the speakers from Rich's desktop (he never uses them anyhow) and man they CRANK.
So right now I am listening to "spiderpower" on the net. It's all Goth and Industrial, all the time.
I guess I never told y'all about my musical tastes have I? I get teased, but whatever. It's too late now, you like me already, so here goes:
If it's goth, industrial, angry techno-dance type of stuff, I like it. Yeah, I know. Go ahead and tease. You won't be the first. I mostly only listen when Rich is not around. Or when I am in my car. Cranked LOUD.
In the 80's it was all about Nine Inch Nails, Ministry, Killing Joke, Nitzer Ebb, Revolting Cocks, Front 242, etc. I'd also listen to Depeche Mode (always did like them) and Bauhaus, Love and Rockets, Gary Numan. Rammstein, KMFDM, ThrillKillKult, Apoptygma Berzerk, Coil, blah blah blah. Think 80's- 90's evil bad ass dance club stuff. I was Reznor when Reznor wasn't cool.
Wax Trax vinyl baby!, 12Inches, all rough dance, all the time!! I actually have quite a collection of valuable Wax Trax stuff. The best of that being the "Black Box" on cd.
In my golden years (now, being older and all) I've mellowed a bit. I'm more into techno-trance. John Digweed, Sasha, the Tranceport mixes, Massive Attack, still Gary Numan, always NIN.
I'm still trying to figure out the European scene. The German stuff, I understand. The rest? Not so much. I tried delving into hardcore trance/dance, from some cd's that I got at Cyberdog at Camden Market in London, but it's a little too revved up and not enough melody. Just really really fast beats, and that's it, and that gets kind of boring and repetitive after a while. Maybe my old bones just don't DO that anymore, maybe I like a bit of melody, who knows. We did see Marilyn Manson live here in Oslo. That was fun. Silly but fun, theatrical and fake-shocky-schlocky. I love to watch people take it so seriously."Look how Goth I am!" Rich just liked the girls in the very short skirts. Peaches opened...that was interesting to see how the Norwegian audience took it. They mostly booed.
I also, to avoid pigeonholing myself, love Morphine, Led Zep and treasure my old Adam Ant stuff. (When I was learning bass, I enjoyed playing Adam Ant and Love&Rockets. Awesome bass lines.) I have stolen a bunch of my dad's world music albums from the early 60's, so have some really great Arabic traditional music, Spanish Flamenco, experimental percussion stuff and so on. I love Moroccan and Indian music. Then there is Neil Finn and Dead Can Dance, (..and holy crap they are going on tour in Europe in 2005!!! Holy CRAP!), two big favorites for road trips. I have to be careful with what I listen to in the car, though. I have found myself going waaaay too fast when listening to particularly good stuff. Which is why I have pretty much banned NIN from the car stereo when driving, I get too keyed up.
(In 7-8th grade I was a big fan of Ozzy Osbourne and heavy metal music. We called ourselves Ozzers. Imagine my glee when for SXSW 2001 I was assigned to take care of Sharon and Jack Osbourne for their visit to Austin! Driving Sharon and the Spawn of Ozzy in my Subaru? Wicked! She's just as cool in person as she is on TV, though this was before the TV show started.)
I haven't yet found much in current Euro Pop that I like, (see the Gunther Pleasureman post) though when I hear Kylie Minogue's stuff I don't barf. I'm starting to accept Robbie Williams. At least he looks like a man, and not a hairless boy-wonder. There is also a Danish band called Puddu Varano that is really good.
I think I want an iPod. Didn't really see the point until I downloaded iTunes...but now, looks pretty tempting. All my freaky music in one place, no digging for the right cd? Yes please!
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