Monday, March 29, 2010

things are strange

Apparently there have been big storms west of Oslo, and snow east. Where I am? Just some rain. However, the weather knocked out the trains and it took Rich over an hour to get home. He's CRANKY. I know how that feels.

The Oslo train system is so crappy and decrepit, that a bird farting in the near vicinity of a train will break it down. Seriously. They don't work for the following reasons: rain, snow, hot, cold, warm, leaves on tracks, hail, summer, winter, spring, signal problems, electrical problems, staff problems, another train passing, bird farts, and tonight was something with the phone system being down? I dunno. All I do know is that there are more reasons for the trains NOT to run than to run. SO glad I can walk to work now.

In other news: the snow has largely melted in town. What I've never really noticed, having not lived in a big city in a spring snow melt before, is that pavement snow banks are really just layered frozen repositories for dog shit. You think it's all white and clean? Hell no. When that snow melts, you are left with 6 months of dog shit that has been hidden in snow a yard deep, and cigarette butts. Butts and shit, shit and butts, everywhere you go. It's like some fucked up geological stratification, from Pre-Cambrian to Paleozoic and on up to Cenozoic, layer upon layer of poo. It all melts down down down until the sidewalks are just pockmarked everywhere with it and you have to walk gingerly, don't-step-on-a-crack-or-you-break-your-mama's-back, to avoid it (though, honestly, didn't we all end up breakin' mama's back?) I am amazed at the variety of Oslo City dog shit. Every color from black, through brown, to ochre and on to orangey red. I noticed the REALLY posh streets have redder poo, so I guess that means that those dogs get the more expensive food which turns their shit into more interesting colors.

(Kinda reminds me of the time my dog ate all the candles in the house, all at once? She crapped rainbows for days. Backyard was like a floral-and-patchouli scented crayon explosion.)

Luckily Norwegian tradition demands a Great Spring Clean before 17 May. Everything, and I do mean everything, gets picked up, swept up, spruced up, wiped up and shined up, in honor of Norway's Big Day. I think that is the most sensible tradition ever, and extremely necessary.

Now excuse me while I clean off my boots.

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