Thursday, January 17, 2008

window of death, freak magnets and two dicks.

Window of death: On the way home I pass this very posh store with dresses in the range of $500 and up. (And honestly, how fucked up is it that it doesn't seem all that bad to me anymore? I mean, 3000nok for a dress? Eh. Seems doable! (slaps forehead) I've been here too long!) Today, I noticed, the window of this posh store had been changed and was all about the death of some animal or another. They had bone bracelets, some coral, fur coats, fur vests, fur throws, flokatis, sheepskin lined boots, fur lined boots and a chair made out of antlers for it all to sit on. I have to say, it gave me the willies. Big time.

Freak Magnet: Of course, before I could even GET home I had to face the fact that I am the freak magnet of all freak magnets. Today I had the misfortune of sitting next to a guy who decided he was going to singlehandedly save Africa from responding to EVERY Nigerian spam message he ever got, and roping in other people to "help". Seriously, he had all the emails printed out. He was on the phone ALL the TIME, acting very important and nattering on about needing the 35k Euro IMMEDIATELY and to "make sure they are all printed in correct color and do not smear" (!!??). (I'm now thinking that maybe he was the guy on the European end of the scams, the one you are supposed to meet in Amsterdam or wherever and feel like it's all trustworthy and on the up and up and whatever?) In between pompous authoritarian phone calls he tried to pull me in to a discussion about conspiracies, exactly HOW he was going to save Africa, and how Africa has been screwed by the US and Europe for centuries. (True, I suppose, but I don't want to hear about it on the train from a scam artist.) He wouldn't leave me alone. Even though I did the international sign of "fuck off" which is to put your iPod buds in your ears. Damn thick headed scammer idiot.

Dick One: It was inevitable, I suppose, that I got the George Bush question from Mr. Thick. As any American who travels knows, the question is always carefully worded at first.... "So, what do you think about George Bush?"..... and then it goes into a diatribe against America rapidly from there, always ending in, "But I don't fault the American people though I do wonder why they voted for him a second time." Then they always look at you as though you, the token American on the train (bus restaurant, street, whatever) has the answer. Which I don't. And they always wonder why the Americans they meet in Europe all hate GWB too. (That I do have an answer's the intelligent, liberal Americans who tend to travel and experience other cultures. The Bush voters stay home, trust Homeland Security and build bomb shelters for the coming Act of Terrorism. Cuz there's scary folks out there in the world, tryin' to kill all us fine upstandin' "murcans!)

Dick Two: Text message I got from a beer buddy today:

Good reasons not to be a penis!
1)You're bald your whole life.
2) You have a hole in your head.
3)Your neighbors are nuts.
4) The guy behind you is an asshole.
5) Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint!

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