Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I feel like a good ol' fashioned rant. If you don't feel like reading it, bugger off. I'm releasing some angst here.

1) To clothing designers:
Hi. Just so you know, I hereby refuse to wear any of the following:
Smocks. Tunics. Baby Doll Dresses. Things that hang from the shoulders with no definition for the body underneath. Skinny jeans. Low rise jeans. Bubble skirts. Empire waists.

Seriously, people, baby doll dresses are just insulting. I am neither a baby nor a doll and I don't want to dress like a 5 year old. I know making these shapeless clothes is cheap and easy as you designers don't waste time and labor with tailoring and such, but judging by how many baby doll dresses I see on the deep discount racks, you better shape the hell up and get some clothes out that women want to wear and FAST. None of us like that shit and we aren't buying it anymore. And PS MAKE ROOM FOR BOOBS!

2) Apple. I am pissed at Apple. Send out a fix ASAP for my wireless that will not work. Or at least, it won't STAY working. It will come on for a bit and then just drop the wireless signal like a hot potato. I've researched it, I've called Apple and I've read many many forums. I've tried every suggested fix (that I understand). You guys at Apple put out an OS upgrade somewhere down the line that has made my wireless on my iMac unstable and it's annoying the FUCK out of me. Seriously, this computer? Pretty much a brick unless I want to be tied to a cable coming from the wall. (And no it's not my wireless router because it works fine via cable and other computers work fine on it.) SEND OUT A FIX FOR THIS! Why would I buy any of your other stuff if you don't support what I have already got?

3) The weather. Seriously, this sucks. Snow, then rain. Snow, then rain. Wet or ice. Wet or ice. I'm tired of ugly shoes, ugly coats and feeling ugly in weatherproof clothes.

4) I want sun.

5) I feel fat and pasty and too pale and sluggish and I hate winter. I have a zit on my chin. I want to sleep.

6) There's nothing good to eat in the this damned flat. The flat in which there is STILL a giant hole in the wall and ceiling and there has been NO WORD as to when they are going to fix it.

7) I want to go home to Austin and live in my OWN house in my OWN state and get back to my normal life. Yes there is much I like about this expat life, but sometimes I miss home so much it makes me hyperventilate. Lately it's been very strong, the missing my house. The fact that I have to rent out the house in Austin gives me bad dreams at least once a week. It's my biggest point of stress. I love my job, the friends I have here, the apartment I live in, etc., but none of it is permanent, none of it is where I will be in 5 years, and I would really like to be able to feel settled and not worry that the rug is going to be pulled out from underneath me at some point without my being able to do anything about it. The most frustrating question I get asked is "Where (and when) are you moving next?" I never have an answer. And people look at you funny when you can't answer such an important question as that. I hate that lack of control in my own life. Shouldn't I have some control somewhere? It's not too much to ask to get a polite heads up somewhere?

8) A big "fuck you" to the following:
The IRS, for your lame tax raises on expats and invasive paperwork. The US for making expats pay taxes, when no one else in the world does that to its expat citizens. Homeland Security. What a joke. Mike Huckabee, because you suck. George Bush because you suck more. Hillary, because you really should be better than you are and I want to like you but just find myself not trusting you. And I am ALL about the woman power, believe me. My period. I really hate that. Why have a period when it's not doing anything for me anyhow? I don't really appreciate the constant reminder that yes, I am not pregnant and probably will never be again. Microsoft for not being better than Apple so I can tell Apple to go fuck themselves. Outlook, I hate Outlook. Fundamentalists of all sorts. DVDs that do long ads and previews at the start of the DVD that you can't fast forward through or cut out of to go directly to the menu. (HBO this means you.) Carbs. Fuck you carbs, I love you and you make my ass bigger. Companies that send me constant emails even when I opt out of their subscription services. My genetic disposition to get stressed out. My ass. Rude old Norwegian ladies, some of whom I met today. (Seriously, learn how to queue bitches!) Everyone on my afternoon train home. I hate you all. Paris Hilton. You just annoy me. Being 39. Because everyone just assumes that you are REALLY over 40 and just lying about your age. As if.

Ok this is getting bigger than I meant it too. There is a dog or a very loud child howling outside. I sort of wish I could too.

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