I don't think I understand America anymore.

I've lived outside the US for almost 8 years. (Well, 7 1/2.) I'm starting to realize that is a long time. When I left the States, Buffy Season 5 or maybe 6 was on and Sex and the City was still boiling hot. Six Feet Under was on. The Osbournes hadn't started yet, or maybe it had just barely started. That's where I left off. That's where my pop culture ends. Now? I'm just confused.

For instance, the vast majority of the 'celebrities' that get mentioned in the news? I have NO IDEA who they are.

Like, Nightline (I listen to lots of podcasts to keep up on the US news) just did an interview with some girl named Heidi Montag? She was on a show I've never seen, The Hills? Is that a reality show? Anyhow the sheer VAPIDITY of that girl is shocking. Apparently she had 10 hours of plastic surgery just because she wanted to be famouser? And she wants to be a pop star, not a singer, not a musician, no, but a 'pop star' and she has an album out right now, and she had all the same producers and sound teams as Michael Jackson. Can she sing something from the album, right now, she was asked. No, her throat was still weak from surgery (she had her throat done?) but you can go BUY the album which has ALL THE SAME PRODUCERS AS MICHAEL JACKSON. So, you know, it must be really good. Because it's got famous producers.

WHO the fuck IS this girl? Who CARES about her? How on earth can the US find someone like that interesting? I have never heard someone so vapid. Her whole goal is to be more famous. Not talented, not accomplished, not even successful in her career, but FAMOUS.

Then the Nightline episode went on to talk about other reality shows, something about people in New Jersey? These people can't be real, can they? I mean it was like "Married To The Mob" come to life. WTF WTF WTF?

Since moving to Norway I've missed the whole Idol thing, the thing with these Kardashian girls (who are they and why do they have a show?), these Jersey people, the Donald Trump Apprentice thing, the various 'reality' shows on MTV (do they ever show music anymore?), the myriad shows with multiple numbers of children in one family, and a bunch of series that involve housewives of various sizes, locations and wealth levels. Now there is also some show with Stephen Seagal that my dad ADORES. Is Seagal a real cop or isn't he? I don't get it. I don't get ANY OF IT. I've lost my American pop culture muscle!!!

I have managed to catch So You Think You Can Dance, and lately, I've seen some Biggest Losers. The dance show I love, the Losers is inspiring. But for the rest...WTF is going on?

As I listened to the Nightline podcast while cleaning my bathroom, Rich came in having heard the discussion about this Montag girl, and he sort of shook his head and said "I don't understand America anymore". I have to say, I agree with him. I don't either. I've lost the plot.