really freaking cold

 

It’s about 18 degrees Fahrenheit outside. For you non-Fahrenheit folks, that’s about 8 below Celsius? It’s so cold that it hurts to take a deep breath. I think I left my ass on the train platform this morning when it froze off as I waited for the late train. I heard a rather large thudding ‘kerchunk’ and there was my ass, laying there, frozen. I almost froze my tits off, but they were covered in a few more layers than my ass so I managed to retain them.

 

Seriously, even the Norwegians are talking about how cold it is. That means it’s COLD.

 

I basically skated to work today.  The snow melted just enough the other day to refreeze overnight in a lethally slick coating on every walkable surface that has me shuffling like I have a stick up my (frozen off) bum so that I don’t fall. Just when you think it’s safe, you get false confidence and then BAM you are down on your face on a very cold hard surface and hoping to god you haven’t broken anything (as many people do every year). Norwegians grow up learning how to walk in this shit, they just zip by in high heels and normal shoes while I lumber along in my tight assed sliding walk in thick chunky soled winter boots, and yet STILL fall at the slightest provocation. I’m a Texan, dammit, this is not in my DNA!

 

Checking the Austin American Statesman just now I see that snow might be falling in Austin, but then I saw that the high for the day is forecast at a balmy 52 (+11c) and that makes me want to put on a bikini and get a tan. (That is 35 degrees Fahrenheit warmer than here, fyi.)  Is Austin going to shut down the schools or have them start late? Are the news people going nuts and showing Doppler Weather Radar every 4 minutes with urgent updates on the state of the icy bridges, roads and overpasses and warnings not to drive on the aforementioned? Are there videos of wrecks?  Do they have someone outside in the weather wearing heavy duty winter gear and blathering on about the frigid conditions? (God I love it when they do that.)  Have you been warned, oh lucky Austinites, to bring in your pets and cover your pipes?

 

Are your kids making tiny snow peoples? I could build an igloo on our deck, if I wanted to.

 

Seems so strange to be packing bikinis and shorts and tank tops for Thailand when my underwear is more substantial than that right now!  Brrrr……