Friday, April 20, 2007

I'll sleep when I'm dead, right?

I went out Wednesday night, and last night, and I am scheduled to go out again tonight. I am a party girl this week, apparently. Of course, being an OLD party girl means I am so damned tired. But, I have my public to think about, so out I will go again tonight. And next weekend I will be in London hanging with my bud- since -I -was- 5, Julia, so I figure I can sleep again starting in May. Yeah. May is good for sleep.

In other, rather hilarious news, this morning a dude on the train TOTALLY let one rip. He let out the biggest, ass-flapping, cheek warbling fart I have ever heard from someone I am not related to. I mean, wow. On the train. With other people around! And he didn't bat an eye! (Though the rest of us did...and we batted the air from our faces as well.)

It was pretty funny, and the Beavis and Butthead side of me was all "Dude! Do you need TP for your bunghole?" But the other, morning, I have not had coffee yet so you better not fuck with me side, was totally grossed out, not least because my sense of humor does not kick in until said coffee is ingested. The rest of the people on the train looked bemused, like, "Did that really happen?", and I actually made eye contact with a few of them, in a smirking reaffirmation that yes, a giant ass flapping fart did, indeed, occur.

The trip home from work was fart free, however the Train Cops were out in force, making sure we all had our passes up to date and current. (Note to self: Mine expires tomorrow, so I need to renew it.) The Train Cops will just invade the Passholder's carriages en masse and without warning, after a train has left a station, so there is no way to get away unnoticed if you are trying to get a free ride on the train. (There are two classes of carriage, one that has a conductor for those who don't have a ticket already and need to pay on the train, and one without a conductor for people with passes or pre-paid tickets. If you are caught on the passholder's carriage without a ticket, there is no excuse for it, you are busted.)

The Train Cops come in two forms, the Commando style ones, in the black combat boots and black military style sweaters, and the cuter, less threatening Old Skool ones, with the little conductor's caps, bright blue vests and natty bow ties. I like them best, especially as many of them still carry on the tradition of keeping a watch on a chain in their vest pockets, which they use frequently to check that time so they can whistle for the train to continue on its journey. There is something so evocative about that specific movement of removing the watch from the pocket, checking the time and then putting it back. Sort of an old fashioned motion that is no longer necessary, along the lines of the classic one handed metal lighter flick or the delicate glamourous pose of the lady with the cigarette in her long cigarette holder. Old fashioned and charming. Just no longer as common.

The Train Cops did catch one couple today on our carriage, but I sort of think the woman was on some sort of drugs? As she moved reeeeaaaallllyyyy sloooow. I kept thinking of a sloth as I watched her move. There was something definitely wrong there. That did not excuse her from getting a ticket, though, and she just accepted it in a rather bovine manner. People never fight when they get busted, because they know they are caught and that is all there is to it.

Now I have to go get changed for the evening's festivities. Oy. Will I get the energy going?

No comments:

Post a Comment

All comments are moderated. No spam gets through. Don't try it. I Love comments from real people though! Thanks!