Thursday, November 26, 2009

whoremart on Thanksgiving.

Mom and I consider Walmart to be a whore.

Cheap, open all night, and there when you need it. The town tramp, and a successful one at that. You all know she's there, and you can't avoid her. She's the only game in town. Everybody goes to her.

However, when, say, your mom's 20 year old toaster oven self destructs messily by falling apart mid-green bean casserole, and you need a new one because the regular oven is full and it is THANKSGIVING and you MUST HAVE GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE OR IT IS NOT THANKSGIVING, the large slutty Walmart is right there, open and ready, tempting you with shiny new toaster ovens at low low prices. How can you not fall in to the trap? You MUST have that toaster oven.


Leaving the Whore, I noticed another trick, er, customer, leaving who had two toilet seats and a plastic plant in his basket. Now, honestly. ON Thanksgiving. You go to WhoreMart to buy two toilet seats and a plastic plant? What on earth would be the emergency that would necessitate a complete toilet seat replacement and a plastic plant on a day like today? The mind boggles.

That being said, I am thankful for my family and friends and that I don't have to buy two toilet seats and a plastic plant today. Happy Thanksgiving y'all. And to my friends outside the US: May you be warm and sated.

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