Thursday, March 22, 2007


I am SO tired. After a few late nights and too much to drink, it all caught up to me, so I went to bed early when I got home yesterday........ and I could not sleep at all last night. Just flopped around, feeling the sleep lurking just outside my eyes, but not actually coming in.

So now I am even more tired. I went to work in a zombie like state today. Arms in front, eyes dead, skin grey pale and sloughing off in sheets. (Ok kidding on that last bit.)

Tomorrow I am going to go the hytte in the mountains and do the traditional Norwegian thing. I have found out that the Fiery Crapper of Death (incinerator toilet) is broken, which means I actually will have to face something worse: the "utedo" or OUTSIDE CRAPPER. Crap! So my middle of the night pee will be me wrapping up in layers to expose my soft white ass to the vicissitudes of a cold Norwegian mountain night? What if there are badgers or bears or possums or elks or mooses? Do mooses bite asses? I have made an absolute art of making my night time whiz in a state of half sleep, so that I don't wake fully but just sort of sleep-pee. I think doing that outside in a shed will definitely wake me up. For sure.

Ah well there are benefits. We'll be in the fresh (cold) air and will make fruity (cold) drinks with Cointreau and limes and vodka. There will be (warm) soup and skiing and (cold) snow and mountains and (hot) cocoa and friends. I can put up with cold night whizzes, I guess. For two nights I can do anything.


Coming back from London was uneventful though security SUCKED ASS. They made all the women in line wedge their purses into their carry on bags, as they have a strict rule of one carry on per person. What the fuck? Why? Why do I have to shove my purse into my small carry on? (To which, when I pointed out the futility of this ,they said "you should have a bigger carry on"; to which I sniffed "Your rules forbid that", but quickly decided I better shut up or they'd strip search me or something heinous like that)? (And they actually DID strip search me, though in that "optional but if you don't do it we are SO gonna feel you up but good" new xray machine where I had to strike three oddly awkward ballerina like poses while they oggled my naughty bits on a large screen that I could not see but was SURE they were laughing. NICE.) Why do they only allow one bag, but only in the security area, when everyone right afterwards unloads their bags and you see people bring three or four bags onto the plane after duty free? It's ridiculous, counter-intuitive and stupid as hell. I won't even go into the insane rules of putting my eyeliner into a plastic baggy. Like, how the hell is that going to keep me any safer than if it was NOT in the plastic baggy? And, honestly, I had like, three other eyeliners, two lipsticks, a tiny hand lotion and eye drops in my purse that were not in the baggy and no one ever said "boo".

Security sucks and flying has become so unfun. Which is why I drink as much wine as possible on the fight itself. Numb the pain, people, numb the pain.

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