Sunday, September 25, 2011

It's all kind of wierd right now

Last night was just a wierd night.

Rich came home drunk and lordly, so sleep was rather fitful due to snoring and general noisy-man-in-bed issues. (Honestly, the only orifice he was not making noise out of was his ears.) I was tossing and turning, tired but somehow wired, and just could not sleep.

And that's when I saw it.

The cat in our bedroom window. INSIDE.

Granted, I didn't have my glasses on, but I know a cat shape when I see one, and that was a cat, and it jumped down from the windowsill and then just....disappeared.

I would like to mention, we live on the third floor. I would also like to mention, we do not have a cat. (There has been some scaffolding outside our kitchen window, so it could, ostensibly, have come in through the cracked kitchen window, but I would have heard that with all the glass and tchotchkes on the windowsill. Even so, that is one AGILE cat.)

So the cat disappears, I jump up and am all like, "THERE IS A CAT IN OUR FLAT!" which made me giggle as it was very Dr Seuss like, in a grown up, urban sort of way.

Rich staggers up, lets out a RESOUNDING fart, and we commence cat searching, though I am pretty sure that the sonic boom of his ass-cannon probably deafened the cat and it now lay stunned and twitching under the bed (which we gingerly checked.) (I mean if it was feral cat, and you go sticking your face under the bed...that seems a good way to get your face scratched all to shit, no?)

No cat anywhere, but there was a good fug settling over the bedroom due to the continued resonance of Rich's over active blowhole. Maybe we could smell the cat tear gas. (Well, that's how it was affecting me, anyhow.)

We gave up on the cat, I tried to air out the room a bit, and back to bed.


The laundry-drying rack in the dining room fell over. The cast must be in there.

Race in to the room, laundry rack down, balcony door open (SOMEBODY forgot to close it when they wandered out there in a lordly state, hmmm, I wonder who) but no cat to be seen, and believe me, if that cat* could have gotten onto our third floor balcony via the vertiginous brick walls that surround it, well, then, it deserved to be in our flat.

So I have no idea. Is it in here, or isn't it? Finding a cat that wants to not be found in this big ol' rambly apartment would not be easy, I can tell you that. Is there a cat detector somewhere? How does one find a cat that does not want to be found? (And I think of that show "Hoarders" where people find dead things in their houses they didn't know died, and I go ARGH. I mean, we are by no means hoarders, but this is a large flat with lots of hiding places.....)

My friend Jackie has a dog that she suggests might be effective in ferreting out a cat, she could bring him by. I think we may need to have the dog over for a sniff......

*And then Rich said it....."Maybe it was a rat. A big Norway rat." Fucker. THAT IS NOT HELPFUL.


  1. Corinne12:57 PM

    Oh, I hope it's gone!  I already told you about the cat pissing all over a locker full of someone's stuff at the stable.  Yuck, yuck, yuck.  This story made me laugh out loud....for realz.

  2. Christina9:09 PM

    Leave some tuna out on a dish in the apartment when you go to work.  If it gets eaten, there's a cat in the apartment.  If not, you just have a stinky flat for a couple of days. :)

  3. Jaymo3:09 AM

    One way to tell for sure is to take the most expensive, hard-to-clean item of dark clothing you own, and leave it laying flat on a chair somewhere.  If there is a cat in the house, you will be able to tell it's been there within two hours.  Won't help you catch it necessarily, but at least for peace of mind you'll know.  Then bring in the dog and let the fun begin!

  4. I am a servant to 12 of the little darlings. Two feral females and their kittens decided being tame wasn't a bad lifestyle and agreed to it. I am not a hoarder (no, really!). This does sound like a typical cat. I had this cat, Nermal, who backed down from no dog, including my 125 pound Akita. A large bear was the only thing that ever made him leave in a hurry. Let's hope "your" cat is agreeable to your terms.

  5. karlakp11:26 AM

    Update: Cat spotted. I was cleaning the kitchen last night and the little fucker was out on the scaffolding looking at me, all "Dude, can I come in and party witchoo?" The window was closed. Like a good cat, he scatted rather quickly. He is a big orange feller with rings around his tail. Kinda cute. He comes from the flat above, their kitchen window is open and he can climb right down to us. Still, as neighborly as he is, I prefer to invite my guests.


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