smackdown

I have few unassailable beliefs.

I believe in the good of people.
I believe that life is what you make of it.
I believe you get out of life what you put into it.
I believe anything is negotiable among people.
I believe that if you are a good person, it comes back to you.
I believe in my family and friends.
I believe in me.

Yesterday was a hard day, a hard, scary and devastating day, as some of my beliefs were pretty severely tested. I learned that sometimes, even with your firm beliefs and your best intentions, there are situations where negotiation is not possible, that inflexibility and coldness cannot be overcome even in the face of reason and humanity. That what is reasonable is not necessarily what corporations and institutions understand. That people working at these places are trained to deny even their own humanity in the service of the company. That trying to deal with corporations and institutions is like banging your head against a wall and at some point, you have to stop the banging and realize that it just won't have an effect.

I feel broken on the Catherine wheel of the corporate machine.

Then I got notice from our landlord that he wants us to move out.

Soon.

I think Norway wants me to leave, I really do.

However, after all the shit of a really, terribly, terrifyingly, earth shakingly shitty day, I was gathered into the arms of many of my friends in big, wonderful, comforting hugs as I cried and cried on their shoulders. I didn't mean to cry, I didn't mean to lose it, but I felt that somehow I had failed the world in some way and I just lost all my fight and faith. Just for that moment, I felt hopeless.

But they were there, they picked me up and let me weep and they have gone a long way in helping me build back up my ultimate and never ending faith in the power of love and friendship. And so now I cry because I am so grateful for the good and wonderful people in my life.

You know who you are and I love you. Thank you.