Clusterfuck

Wow. I can't believe what I have just been through.

I left Missouri yesterday (?...time is a bit meaningless right now). Everything went smooth as butter: my parents' car didn't break down (a hazard in our family, what with the collection of 'interesting' cars), check in was fine, there was no groping of junk by TSA, no matter how hard I tried. Flight to Dallas equally seamless, though the business class lounge there kind of sucks, mostly because the internet was down. Flight from Dallas to was quick and comfortable, though some Irish woman talked loudly non-stop during the sleeping portion of the trip, loud enough that I could hear every word through ear plugs AND headphones.

And then I got to London. Which is where all my built up good travel karma went out the window.

My flight to Oslo was cancelled. Due to a millimeter or so of snow in London. I found this out after security, which I waited an age for. I decided to repair to the business lounge to regroup, get some help, and get a snack. They wouldn't let me into the business lounge because my ticket was cancelled, thus not making me a card carrying entrant to the lounge. WTF? Seriously? YOU cancel my flight, I come to you to fix it and then you tell me that because I don't have a flight I am not your customer and I get left out in the cold? WTF???

I went to customer service and it got worse. Customer service couldn't rebook my flight and told me I had to start all over, from scratch, as if I was just coming in to the airport. Huh? SAS just automatically rebooks you, WTF is this shit?

I had to: Go down and around to arrivals. Fill in landing card and go through passport control as if I was arriving in England to stay. Get my luggage. Take luggage through customs. Go to Departures hall. Wait in very long line with said luggage to rebook flight as if it was from scratch. Flight rebooked but 7 hours after original flight. Check in again. Go through Security (third time). Get 'randomly chosen' to have a body scan. Told them I didn't want to. They said no scan no fly. I pitched a royal fit, told them I had been through security THREE times already, TODAY, AT HEATHROW and when they told me to pose for the scan with my arms out I believe you can imagine which fingers I had extended. I try to be friendly and try to be accomodating to strangers and so on, but this was the ABSOLUTE last straw. I hope they enjoy the naked pictures of me.

I finally made it through all that, took my new boarding pass up to the business lounge, and am now on my second VERY LARGE glass of Gruner Vetliner (tasty, too) and am then going to avail myself of the free 15 minute spa treatment. Will then fall asleep on some sofa or other, and thence to dinner at Wagamama at T5, until my flight later this evening.

I smell bad, I'm tired, my hair looks flat and stringy, I'm tired, I'm a bit drunk, my skin is oily, my makeup mostly rubbed off, I feel icky and I want to be home and have a bath, dammit.