a stream of consciousness post/email I sent a friend

Well, here I am, in Houston. The flight seemed ENDLESS and I cried about 30 times, I am sure the nice, quite large guy wedged into the seat next to me thought I was insane, but hey, I was GOING through something and the tears needed shedding. 

It's quiet in here.....tick tick tick tock tick..... (This is where I talk to you as if I am talking to myself) (This may be the genesis of a blog post.)

I'm in the temp apartment, which is nice on the surface, I guess, but the carpet is a bit tattered in places and it feels soulless. It's a masterpiece of taupe. There is a not a book or a plant in the joint, I need to nest, I think, and make it more homey.  Considering the rent on this damned place, it should be paved in gold and be wiping my butt for me! Well, it does have all mod-cons, including huge tv's in living room AND bedroom, with full on cable to the max, so I guess I can be American and watch a lot of tv. There is NO view, I look onto a wall and some other apartments, the light has to filter through into a courtyard, so that is a bit depressing. The kitchen is black, which I normally don't mind, but the lighting is very bad and I can't see anything on the counter if it's not white. I may buy a small lamp and put it on the counter, to warm it up a bit. I am SUCH a light snob. I keep thinking of the Oslo apartment, what an extraordinary apartment that is....its cool warmth, its grand funkiness. The bustling cold streets outside, the glimpse of the fjord beyond, my lovely blue and white kitchen with the huge window.... And Rich rattling around in there, alone. Damn. 

It's quiet, though, and the bed is very comfy, so that is good. And it will give me impetus to keep out of here, I suppose, and check stuff out in my new adopted city.

Funny, if i had been moving back to Austin I would've been ecstatic, so happy. Moving to Houston is a large reason why I am so upset about coming back, I think. Not that I don't know that I have my brother here, and good friends, and I grew up here. I guess I just need to get over it, right? I have a well paying job, a place to stay for 3 months, and a bright future. Right? So why am I so fucking sad. I feel like I've put myself into exile, that's why. 

I need to remind myself that the day to day life in Oslo was no different from anywhere else, and it was frustrating b/c of the lack of choice and the high price of things. Here I will have a day to day life that is not much different, but with more choice and warmer people, AND I CAN escape to wherever I want, just like before, just longer flights. I have 4 weeks holiday, I can go where I want when I want. (And let me just say, Central Market was OVERWHELMING yesterday. Part of it was being tired, part of it was having my bro there with me, so I felt rushed, but I need to go back and LEARN that place. Like, spend 3 hours just perusing. DAMN. I feel like a country mouse in the city with that grocery store. Even the milk selection had me in a quandary. What do you mean, there are different BRANDS of milk? Not just Tine skimmed, semi-skimmed and full fat? I expect to feel materially overwhelmed wherever I go for quite a while.)

I turned on the tv (the one in the bedroom, it's HUGE) and The Princess Bride is on. That's nice, that movie is not on rotation in Norway, and it's an all-time favorite. I figured out the coffee machine in the Black Hole Kitchen, and it seems to do the job ok. I have coffee, at least. I shall unpack for a bit, (I need to buy hangers for the closet, which is huge, but why have such a huge closet and then have only 12 hangers in it? It's so big that last night  I had to pee, and walked into the closet instead of the bathroom, and it took me a while to notice!) then walk up the street to the Galleria, which this road leads directly to. DANGER, I sense DANGER with that. 

And tonight is Downton Abbey, I think, right? That is starting up again? I saw a couple episodes of season 3 in Norway, but it was mid stream so it will be nice to see the start. And Californication starts up again, too. (I hope I have that channel, what channel is it on?). 

One day at a time. Big picture, big picture view. Eye on the prize, moving home is not just for me, it's for family too. Breathe.