Wednesday, August 17, 2011

That promised bullet post

  • Ok, so where to begin.
  • Well, first, I got really sick exactly two weeks ago.
  • Like, that Wednesday night, one minute I feel fine, the next I have a horrendous stomach ache and am hurling my guts out.
  • It lasted a week.
  • I've never had stomach pain like that.
  • It was like an alien was trying to get out.
  • The doctor told me to take Tylenol and go for a walk.
  • Cuz, yeah, I could totally stand up straight.
  • Norwegian docs don't go for the pain meds and the fun drugs.
  • However, I was impressed by the fact that this doc's office (a new one I just registered for) has an on site lab, that does lab work WHILE YOU WAIT.
  • Took five minutes for a full blood and urine work up.
  • Total cost for visit was $35.
  • My tests were negative for any recognizable, earthly ailments.
  • They don't test for aliens, though.
  • Which I TOTALLY had in me.
  • Also, you know when you are watching a movie set in the Victorian era or earlier and someone has a fever and the doctor and the concerned wife/sister/mom watches the sick person as they sweat and are delirious?
  • And how they are so worried they will die?
  • And then the sick person suddenly opens their eyes, and the doctor says, "The fever has broken. She will live."
  • That was me.
  • I totally FELT the fever go away.
  • One minute I'm sweaty, weak, semi-delirious and exhausted, the next I'm all like, "Hey, can I have some Kool-Aid?" (That Kool-Aid tasted fucking awesome.)
  • So now I totally understand those movies.
  • There's an upside to stomach maladies, though.
  • Ladies, you know what I'm talking about, right?
  • I lost 3 pounds.
  • So a total of 9 pounds lost altogether.
  • Surprisingly, that has almost been enough to get me back to a place where I feel good in my clothes again.
  • Luckily I lose weight in my stomach first.
  • Ass goes last.
  • (Actually, ass will never go, let's face it. Ass remains; when the zombies come, they won't eat my brains, they will eat my ass.)
  • I'm aiming for another 10-11 pounds and then I will be where I was when we moved to Norway.
  • Cuz I had just come off the "OMFG I'm moving to NORWAY" diet and boy was I stressed and skinny.
  • But people at work are asking if I have lost weight and I am getting boys checking me out, in a "hey baby" kind of way, which is kind of nice.
  • (Digression). Why does my husband always insist on starting a conversation with me when I am trying to write or concentrate on something? He won't say anything all day, then, when I want to focus, BAM there he is wanting the attentions. (Digression ends.)
  • Speaking of work, I've been on a bit of a high lately.
  • It's been really cool, I've been the office moderator/problem solver.
  • Everyone comes to me now for professional advice and help with problems whether IT, personal, HR, dealing with bureaucracy or whatever.
  • I feel like I've turned a corner and people actually value my opinions and input.
  • I totally love it. It feels good.
  • I probably should have gone into HR or some sort of people-helping field.
  • My birthday is tomorrow.
  • I'm mid 40's now.
  • EARLY mid-40's, but still fucking mid forties.
  • I don't like that idea one little teeny bit.
  • Life has gone way too fast and I am now on the downward slope, and I ain't happy about it.
  • I'm going to Sweden.
  • Seems a sensible thing to do on a birthday.
  • Happy Birthday to me.


  1. zunzun2:22 AM

    Happy Birthday!!!  I'm an August baby too...sounds better than saying "I'm turning 41 this year" Not happy about it either...or the fricken early menopause but I'm digressing..where was I? Oh yeah...Happy Birthday!!! Have a good time in Sweden!

  2. shanna.laubeanderson@gmail.com8:06 AM

    Happy Birthday!  Yeah weightloss!  Husbands are like kids in that respect.  Both children and the husband will totally ignore me all day and night but once I am on the phone then apparently I am the ONLY person in the house that can get this or fix that and of course it has be be RIGHT F-ING NOW!!!!!!!  So you aren't alone my dear.  Have a great trip to Sweden.

  3. Two things: 1) "Hey baby!"
                     2) Diression. We husbands practice this method because we are insecure and need to know that we are the center of our wife's universe.

  4. Unnskyld. I meant digression.

  5. Dave22:31 PM

    Hey, baby... happy birthday!

  6. Jaymo2:39 AM

    Nice post!  So glad you're finally over that crap and ready to live again.  Being valued at work = good!


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